Well, things have been moving along. They've been busy, busy, busy to be honest, which is no excuse but helps to explain why it's been almost a month since my last post. I am happy to put March behind me, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the weather! It was a stressful but mostly successful month... in no particular order:
1. I went home to see my mom and try to help her start cleaning out her house. That was mostly good... because she is doing much better than she was over Christmas. Because she is doing better she is less enthused about moving out of the house, though, so there's been a bit of a stall in that process. It helped, though- at least now I know the current situation a bit better. Mum and Gemi are mostly happy and good which is all I can hope for. While home I got to see a good friend before her great trek West. I was really happy about that too.
2. I presented part of my dissertation at a big conference. It was a big stress, but in the end it turned out really well. It was nice to see people again... all my old coworkers and friends from my professional group. I planned a social event/dinner which was mostly successful. Mostly. I am glad to be done with that! I have definitely done my service to this group and I am looking forward to having a less active role in the future. Well, let's just say I am planning to take a break from having such an active role.
3. The conference reminded me that time is passing, though, and my plans for future are still up in the air. Friends are getting jobs and things and I know I will have to figure out what works for me based on my progress. My current job looks like it will continue for the time being and may be moving toward a more full-fledged situation. Key word there is MAY. We'll see. It was busy trying to keep all the work going smoothly this month given everything else that was going on, but I mostly managed! My classes seem to be successful and I think people are noticing how much I put into them. All of this may (or may not) have a bearing on my future at this university. We'll see. I'm tired of saying "we'll see" but at the same time I realize that it's good to have possibilities and hope...
4. I finished Chapter 4 of my dissertation. Whew. That was a big push. Way more difficult than it should have been. Just three more chapters to go!
The undercurrent then, is anxiety. Is everything going OK? Am I doing enough? What's going to happen? Just a nice little dose of it! Keeping things moving along, keeping me on my toes, keeping me ready for the next thing. You know.
I am excited about April. Here are my hopes for the coming month:
1. Finish Chapter 6. Somehow I have to do that before Chapter 5. Maybe I'll even get a good amount of Ch. 5 done, too...
2. Enjoy some warmer weather. It has been raining, raining, raining here. We need to see the sun!
Tonight we are going to visit TMH's family for Easter. I am so looking forward to it. TMH has been working really long hours and I am so glad he has a day off. Easter with his folks has become a bit of a tradition for us and I have realized how much more fun it is now with our little niece. Egg hunts and egg dying and all that fun stuff! Bring on April.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Monday, October 12, 2009
Just call me Mrs. PMP
One of the problems with not changing your name is that people have a hard time using Mrs. They get confused, but that's OK. Keeping my name doesn't mean I'm any less married, or any less part of TMH's family. I am Mrs. PMP!
So, clearly a lot has happened since 9-9-09, so much that it's hard to catch up on my blog. But I have to start somewhere. Nothing I can write here will do the wedding justice. It was just amazing (in no particular order):
1. To have some of my Aussie relatives here. My cousins and I were like peas in a pod again. They were so good to me, and we had so much fun catching up. I got to show them around where I live, and hang out. I just love them... and it's just amazing how close we are despite the fact that we grew up on opposite sides of the world. My cousin MP brought a stack of letters with her that she somehow still has from my lifetime of writing to her. The first one is from 1984, after I visited when I was 9 (and she was 7!) Pretty amazing... and hilarious... and amazing. My aunt and uncle had never been to the U.S. before and I think they had a great trip. My dad took them on a full tour of the East coast. It was just so wonderful to see them. So emotional!
2. To feel the support of my oldest friends. It was so great to get my group of girls together... women that I have known for what is now between 20-25 years. I really couldn't have gotten married without them, everything from the cake and flowers to the guestbook, to the fact that at the last minute our ceremony had to be moved under the covered patio because of a quick rain shower. My girls kept me from freaking out and knew where I had to go so I didn't even have to worry. Amazing.
3. To bring together old friends and new, my family and TMH's family. The people who gathered at the wedding were lovely and happy, from near and far and from so many different parts of our lives. My crazy family dynamics were mostly fine (with some few minor and now entertaining moments) and overall everyone was just HAPPY.
4. To feel the love on all sides of our family. I am so excited to be joining TMH's family, to officially be Aunt P, to have sisters-in- law and a brother-in-law, and even parents-in-law. TMH's family is so good to me. From the cookies his mom made, to the gorgeous flower girl dress, to how welcoming and excited his dad was, to his sister crying through her reading and his other sister dancing the night away, and all his brother's help and calm... what a family! For TMH's part, I know he is happy to be part of my family now, and of course my family is quite pleased to welcome him. It was so nice to have everyone together.
5. Of course, getting married. TMH and I put a lot into our wedding planning and it was exciting to see it all come off without a hitch. More than that, though, we got MARRIED. As one of my friends said, there was not a dry eye in the house. We teared up before we even started. It was an amazing moment, and we look forward to the years ahead.
Goodness, how lucky are we?
And yes, married life has been good so far. We took a couple of days off right after the wedding. I spent much of Sunday crying, and then sleeping. We were exhausted! Saying goodbye to everyone was so emotional. Then we unplugged for a couple of days, came home for a couple of days (and I had to teach again, ugh! I only missed one class, can you believe that?) and then we went out of town again to the wedding of one of TMH's best friends. It was really nice... our first wedding as husband and wife. Needless to say it was tough getting back into the swing of things last week. It was a rough start but I have (mostly) gotten back into my work and I am trying to make the most of the rest of the semester. I finished a paper and I'm going to a conference next week. Slow and steady wins the race, they say. I have to stay focused and keep myself going... I am doing my best.
This past weekend was our first weekend at home together in at least a month; we were happy to just be. In any case, I now really understand the concept of a honeymoon. Who wants to talk to people and work and do real life things after they get married?! We'll get ours in December/January, at least. That's next on the planning agenda. Stay tuned!
So, clearly a lot has happened since 9-9-09, so much that it's hard to catch up on my blog. But I have to start somewhere. Nothing I can write here will do the wedding justice. It was just amazing (in no particular order):
1. To have some of my Aussie relatives here. My cousins and I were like peas in a pod again. They were so good to me, and we had so much fun catching up. I got to show them around where I live, and hang out. I just love them... and it's just amazing how close we are despite the fact that we grew up on opposite sides of the world. My cousin MP brought a stack of letters with her that she somehow still has from my lifetime of writing to her. The first one is from 1984, after I visited when I was 9 (and she was 7!) Pretty amazing... and hilarious... and amazing. My aunt and uncle had never been to the U.S. before and I think they had a great trip. My dad took them on a full tour of the East coast. It was just so wonderful to see them. So emotional!
2. To feel the support of my oldest friends. It was so great to get my group of girls together... women that I have known for what is now between 20-25 years. I really couldn't have gotten married without them, everything from the cake and flowers to the guestbook, to the fact that at the last minute our ceremony had to be moved under the covered patio because of a quick rain shower. My girls kept me from freaking out and knew where I had to go so I didn't even have to worry. Amazing.
3. To bring together old friends and new, my family and TMH's family. The people who gathered at the wedding were lovely and happy, from near and far and from so many different parts of our lives. My crazy family dynamics were mostly fine (with some few minor and now entertaining moments) and overall everyone was just HAPPY.
4. To feel the love on all sides of our family. I am so excited to be joining TMH's family, to officially be Aunt P, to have sisters-in- law and a brother-in-law, and even parents-in-law. TMH's family is so good to me. From the cookies his mom made, to the gorgeous flower girl dress, to how welcoming and excited his dad was, to his sister crying through her reading and his other sister dancing the night away, and all his brother's help and calm... what a family! For TMH's part, I know he is happy to be part of my family now, and of course my family is quite pleased to welcome him. It was so nice to have everyone together.
5. Of course, getting married. TMH and I put a lot into our wedding planning and it was exciting to see it all come off without a hitch. More than that, though, we got MARRIED. As one of my friends said, there was not a dry eye in the house. We teared up before we even started. It was an amazing moment, and we look forward to the years ahead.
Goodness, how lucky are we?
And yes, married life has been good so far. We took a couple of days off right after the wedding. I spent much of Sunday crying, and then sleeping. We were exhausted! Saying goodbye to everyone was so emotional. Then we unplugged for a couple of days, came home for a couple of days (and I had to teach again, ugh! I only missed one class, can you believe that?) and then we went out of town again to the wedding of one of TMH's best friends. It was really nice... our first wedding as husband and wife. Needless to say it was tough getting back into the swing of things last week. It was a rough start but I have (mostly) gotten back into my work and I am trying to make the most of the rest of the semester. I finished a paper and I'm going to a conference next week. Slow and steady wins the race, they say. I have to stay focused and keep myself going... I am doing my best.
This past weekend was our first weekend at home together in at least a month; we were happy to just be. In any case, I now really understand the concept of a honeymoon. Who wants to talk to people and work and do real life things after they get married?! We'll get ours in December/January, at least. That's next on the planning agenda. Stay tuned!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Keep it bowlin'
Well, it's another rainy Monday. Must I complain about the weather? Anyone who lives anywhere near the East coast must know what I'm talking about so I won't go there in full force. I'll just say that we miss the sun.
TMH and I had a good weekend, though I felt a bit cheated because I had to work on Saturday from 9:00-2:00. That was the end of orientation. The rest of Saturday we took as a fun day (we needed it, and fun we had) and then yesterday we worked around the house all day. Our apartment is really shaping up! We have an added incentive to get things together: TMH's sister and little niece B are coming to visit this week. Yay! We are very excited to see them and show them around. I just hope the sun might decide to come out while they're here, but I guess we'll have to take what we can get.
Today is my last real day of relative freedom, if all goes well, I should say. Instructor orientation is done, students arrived and tested on the weekend and should be put into classes today. Some time late this afternoon I should get my official class assignment and find out who my partner teacher is, etc, so we can hit the ground running bright and early tomorrow. (We teach our own classes but also have a workshop with another class/teacher several times a week. I have learned that who you get matched with is a key part of summer happiness, because you have to work together so closely... so far I've been lucky so let's just assume my luck will hold...) We received an ominous email yesterday that fewer students than expected have arrived.... so people are a little worried. I think I should be safe because grad students are still coming to grad school (I think) but those who teach a more general population may have reason to fear. I guess we'll see in due time... there is nothing I can do about it so there is no point in worrying either way. Let me repeat that to myself a few times.
I have high hopes for the day: dissertation work (gotta get a good schedule set up before classes start), errands, more cleaning and organizing, laundry, and cooking (I have to do some domestic things in preparation for not having much time). Well, and of course, a good class and partner teacher assignment
And on that note I explain the title of this post, which I must credit to my friend E (thanks for sharing!):
June 22, 2009 Urban Word of the Day
TMH and I had a good weekend, though I felt a bit cheated because I had to work on Saturday from 9:00-2:00. That was the end of orientation. The rest of Saturday we took as a fun day (we needed it, and fun we had) and then yesterday we worked around the house all day. Our apartment is really shaping up! We have an added incentive to get things together: TMH's sister and little niece B are coming to visit this week. Yay! We are very excited to see them and show them around. I just hope the sun might decide to come out while they're here, but I guess we'll have to take what we can get.
Today is my last real day of relative freedom, if all goes well, I should say. Instructor orientation is done, students arrived and tested on the weekend and should be put into classes today. Some time late this afternoon I should get my official class assignment and find out who my partner teacher is, etc, so we can hit the ground running bright and early tomorrow. (We teach our own classes but also have a workshop with another class/teacher several times a week. I have learned that who you get matched with is a key part of summer happiness, because you have to work together so closely... so far I've been lucky so let's just assume my luck will hold...) We received an ominous email yesterday that fewer students than expected have arrived.... so people are a little worried. I think I should be safe because grad students are still coming to grad school (I think) but those who teach a more general population may have reason to fear. I guess we'll see in due time... there is nothing I can do about it so there is no point in worrying either way. Let me repeat that to myself a few times.
I have high hopes for the day: dissertation work (gotta get a good schedule set up before classes start), errands, more cleaning and organizing, laundry, and cooking (I have to do some domestic things in preparation for not having much time). Well, and of course, a good class and partner teacher assignment
And on that note I explain the title of this post, which I must credit to my friend E (thanks for sharing!):
June 22, 2009 Urban Word of the Day
According to Creed from "The Office", "Everyone likes bowling, so this is a phrase for when you want to tell someone to stay positive. For example, if someone tells you they lost their job, you can just tell them to keep it bowlin’ and that’ll cheer them up."
Hey, keep it bowlin', buddy. So, keep it bowlin', everyone!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Walk the line
I'm walking the line these days... between crazy and OK (sort of like Barney's Hot/Crazy Scale, only different).... though TMH might have become concerned recently that I have been drifting too far over, I always pull myself back. One moment I feel like I'm about to lose it and the next moment I recover myself. I know I have to keep myself on track. I feel like I could be drifting dangerously close to a bad place. It's moments like these in life when you really can go crazy. So, I just have to make sure that I don't.
It's hard for me to leave this place and a job I have given much of myself to for 5 years. I have never lived anywhere for 5 years, much less had a job for that long! It's hard for me to give up my car. I love my car, as you know, though now I am actually concerned that she last for the next 1.5 months (maybe she knows I am about to give up on her). In a tangible sense I am giving up my independence, if you want to take job and car (and apartment) as symbols of independence. They are definitely symbols of stability in my life. I am giving up my stability for the time being. And you know I was raised to be independent ("always keep your own money"; "make sure stuff is put in your name, too") from the mother who never expected to get divorced. Now, for whatever reason (despite much evidence to the contrary) I have stayed optimistic and I believe that healthy relationships are possible. The big issue here is that times are tough and my summer job may not be a sure thing. If I do have the summer job, all is well. I have income, and therefore my own stability for the foreseeable future. I can then write my dissertation with the comfort of knowing that I am doing what I need to do... with a chunk of my own financial security. The larger issue is that I have to get used to the idea that part of my stability will come from TMH. And that's good. It's supposed to be that way, right? We are getting married after all. So we have to adjust to these issues.
Currently they are exacerbated because of random, stressful complications. Our future landlord said she was fine with cats and then the lease says no cats. WTF? Given my current mindset I did not react well to the prospects of finding another place to live. I think (fingers crossed!) we resolved the issue yesterday but it was a good case of TMH and I both thinking we could work it out on our own and me basically getting frustrated that he didn't automatically think of talking to me about it. We're going to be a team, right? But, we are BOTH used to handling everything ourselves; hence some adjustment and the need for more communication on both sides.
And of course my data collection has been stalled and I have not resolved what to do about the people who won't talk to me. I think this frightens me the most. I can't be someone dedicated to my dissertation (and therefore not employed full-time) when the dissertation is not happening. Of course I should go back to my post last week and my pep talk with my colleague. My dissertation will happen. In fact, she said she thought the only reason I might not figure it out is if I get a full-time job. So there you have it. I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT. I just constantly get messages that I won't. I haven't seen anyone graduate from our program in several years. I have seen women in exactly my position leave and never come back. I have seen them get jobs or have babies and do other things that mean they never finish. Now, I don't fault them for those things; there is certainly nothing wrong with jobs or babies. But I don't want to have gone through all of this only to never finish my PhD. So again, I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.
And in the meantime, of course, we are planning a wedding. Seriously, did we need to be doing something else right now? But the most recent planning has been fun and gone well. It will be lovely. And I realized what is clearly an essential component of all of this. I want to get married. I love TMH and want to move in together and learn how to figure all of this stuff out. I trust myself (and him) to figure out how to navigate this new arena. Our lives are going to be awesome. We just have to figure out how to ease the transition into the awesomeness.
It's hard for me to leave this place and a job I have given much of myself to for 5 years. I have never lived anywhere for 5 years, much less had a job for that long! It's hard for me to give up my car. I love my car, as you know, though now I am actually concerned that she last for the next 1.5 months (maybe she knows I am about to give up on her). In a tangible sense I am giving up my independence, if you want to take job and car (and apartment) as symbols of independence. They are definitely symbols of stability in my life. I am giving up my stability for the time being. And you know I was raised to be independent ("always keep your own money"; "make sure stuff is put in your name, too") from the mother who never expected to get divorced. Now, for whatever reason (despite much evidence to the contrary) I have stayed optimistic and I believe that healthy relationships are possible. The big issue here is that times are tough and my summer job may not be a sure thing. If I do have the summer job, all is well. I have income, and therefore my own stability for the foreseeable future. I can then write my dissertation with the comfort of knowing that I am doing what I need to do... with a chunk of my own financial security. The larger issue is that I have to get used to the idea that part of my stability will come from TMH. And that's good. It's supposed to be that way, right? We are getting married after all. So we have to adjust to these issues.
Currently they are exacerbated because of random, stressful complications. Our future landlord said she was fine with cats and then the lease says no cats. WTF? Given my current mindset I did not react well to the prospects of finding another place to live. I think (fingers crossed!) we resolved the issue yesterday but it was a good case of TMH and I both thinking we could work it out on our own and me basically getting frustrated that he didn't automatically think of talking to me about it. We're going to be a team, right? But, we are BOTH used to handling everything ourselves; hence some adjustment and the need for more communication on both sides.
And of course my data collection has been stalled and I have not resolved what to do about the people who won't talk to me. I think this frightens me the most. I can't be someone dedicated to my dissertation (and therefore not employed full-time) when the dissertation is not happening. Of course I should go back to my post last week and my pep talk with my colleague. My dissertation will happen. In fact, she said she thought the only reason I might not figure it out is if I get a full-time job. So there you have it. I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT. I just constantly get messages that I won't. I haven't seen anyone graduate from our program in several years. I have seen women in exactly my position leave and never come back. I have seen them get jobs or have babies and do other things that mean they never finish. Now, I don't fault them for those things; there is certainly nothing wrong with jobs or babies. But I don't want to have gone through all of this only to never finish my PhD. So again, I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.
And in the meantime, of course, we are planning a wedding. Seriously, did we need to be doing something else right now? But the most recent planning has been fun and gone well. It will be lovely. And I realized what is clearly an essential component of all of this. I want to get married. I love TMH and want to move in together and learn how to figure all of this stuff out. I trust myself (and him) to figure out how to navigate this new arena. Our lives are going to be awesome. We just have to figure out how to ease the transition into the awesomeness.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Awesomeness
I am now officially addicted to how i met your mother. One of the best shows ever. Best. Shows. Ever. I love Barney and could quote him all day long. Something about the show just speaks to me; it rings true and the characters feel real. Yes, yes, I know I sound insane. It's just television. I am telling you, though, people. Start watching. You'll get it. My good friend very awesomely sent me all the episodes from season 1-3 (and it's because of her that I even discovered this particular love of my life... thanks again!) and tonight I finished watching them. Sort of like how you have to eat all the candy in the house so you don't have any around distracting you.
On that note I am giving up sugar again. It has to be done. My addiction was getting out of control (again), and Easter and all of its related candy just pushed things past the tipping point. Another reason is related to the current #1 reason why my life right now is awesome:
#1. Because I have a super gorgeous wedding dress that fits me like a glove. Like a glove. So much so that upon first trying it on I was afraid it was too small. Not so, it just wasn't hitting in the right spot; it fits perfectly. So they are putting in a bustle. No hem and no other alterations. How lucky am I? Now I just have to make sure I stay the same size. It's funny because I think I've been the same size for years, but now that my wedding dress depends on it I feel a little more stress than usual. So, no more sugar again for a bit, and added incentive to stick to my regular exercise routine. Funny, right? Just to be clear, it's not a wedding diet, it's a regular maintenance plan with added incentive. An amazing dress! So excited.
#2. Other wedding plans are going well and making me happy. Yes, there is some family stress and the usual "oh yeah I have multiple families and some people are annoying" nonsense. But with that comes the "wow, lots of people think I am awesome, yay me, screw the naysayers" attitude. Planning is good. I am excited about the wedding and we have made some big progress on it this week.
#3. My dissertation is dissertationing. I have almost all the data collected for one department. Yay for that. I am a little nervous because it seems the economists are more interested in talking to me than the chemists...not sure why. Tomorrow is a big work day in which I will tackle all of these issues, and try to figure out how to get the chemists to dish. But so far, my data collection is going great and I have made a huge leap forward this week.
#4. I went to a Grad Ball. Where graduate students actually got dressed up and danced and had fun. Like prom for (almost) grown ups. I debuted one of the new dresses I got for the May weddings. It was a hit, and the ball was so much fun. I haven't danced like that in years. I also got to practice some of the lines I've learned from how i met your mother... since I decided it was my job as the engaged one to be a good wingman and try to fix my friend up (and for once we were in a place where people wanted to meet). Haaaaaaaaaaave you met Jess?
#5. Trees are starting to bloom! Spring is coming. It's one of the best times of year to live in this place (September is another great time, hence the wedding date). This is the time of year where you start to think that winter was worth it. I have only seen a couple of blooms so far, but in the next few weeks it's all going to pop. And I am going to wonder why I am leaving.
#6. Oh yeah, right. Because I am awesome, and I am moving to an awesome city to live with my awesome fiancee in an awesome apartment and finish research for my awesome dissertation. Right. Good decision. "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story."
On that note I am giving up sugar again. It has to be done. My addiction was getting out of control (again), and Easter and all of its related candy just pushed things past the tipping point. Another reason is related to the current #1 reason why my life right now is awesome:
#1. Because I have a super gorgeous wedding dress that fits me like a glove. Like a glove. So much so that upon first trying it on I was afraid it was too small. Not so, it just wasn't hitting in the right spot; it fits perfectly. So they are putting in a bustle. No hem and no other alterations. How lucky am I? Now I just have to make sure I stay the same size. It's funny because I think I've been the same size for years, but now that my wedding dress depends on it I feel a little more stress than usual. So, no more sugar again for a bit, and added incentive to stick to my regular exercise routine. Funny, right? Just to be clear, it's not a wedding diet, it's a regular maintenance plan with added incentive. An amazing dress! So excited.
#2. Other wedding plans are going well and making me happy. Yes, there is some family stress and the usual "oh yeah I have multiple families and some people are annoying" nonsense. But with that comes the "wow, lots of people think I am awesome, yay me, screw the naysayers" attitude. Planning is good. I am excited about the wedding and we have made some big progress on it this week.
#3. My dissertation is dissertationing. I have almost all the data collected for one department. Yay for that. I am a little nervous because it seems the economists are more interested in talking to me than the chemists...not sure why. Tomorrow is a big work day in which I will tackle all of these issues, and try to figure out how to get the chemists to dish. But so far, my data collection is going great and I have made a huge leap forward this week.
#4. I went to a Grad Ball. Where graduate students actually got dressed up and danced and had fun. Like prom for (almost) grown ups. I debuted one of the new dresses I got for the May weddings. It was a hit, and the ball was so much fun. I haven't danced like that in years. I also got to practice some of the lines I've learned from how i met your mother... since I decided it was my job as the engaged one to be a good wingman and try to fix my friend up (and for once we were in a place where people wanted to meet). Haaaaaaaaaaave you met Jess?
#5. Trees are starting to bloom! Spring is coming. It's one of the best times of year to live in this place (September is another great time, hence the wedding date). This is the time of year where you start to think that winter was worth it. I have only seen a couple of blooms so far, but in the next few weeks it's all going to pop. And I am going to wonder why I am leaving.
#6. Oh yeah, right. Because I am awesome, and I am moving to an awesome city to live with my awesome fiancee in an awesome apartment and finish research for my awesome dissertation. Right. Good decision. "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story."
Monday, April 13, 2009
Keep it coming... I'm on a roll!
1. I got access to my data this morning (student names and email addresses)! HOORAAAAAAAAAAY! I sent out emails this afternoon asking for student participation in my research. Can you believe I already have three interviews set up, and I only sent the emails a couple of hours ago? A good beginning, I should say. I am really doing this thing.
2. My phone seems to have recovered completely from Gemi's water attack. I would certainly not have predicted such a result! Yay for a renewed appreciation of my phone.
3. We officially have an awesome apartment!
4. TMH was here for the weekend and we planned our lives. Well, our lives for the next few months. I kept saying we had all these big things to discuss (our wedding, everyone else's weddings, our move, finances, etc) and he kept saying not to worry. We had some time in the car to chat---We visited his family and saw his little niece. She's the cutest ever. We dyed eggs and had an egg hunt in the backyard, and can I tell you how much I am loving my role as Auntie P? She has trouble with long names... but I was amazed by how much language she has. She's not even two!--- and we really did figure everything out on our drive. We had such a good weekend. And yes, things are going to be hectic and stressful and crazy and maybe scary... but they are manageable and exciting at the same time!
So I am moving forward. Doing it all! It's going to be a crazy week but I am happy. And the sun has been coming out more regularly recently. That helps a lot. Plans made.... ready, set, go!
2. My phone seems to have recovered completely from Gemi's water attack. I would certainly not have predicted such a result! Yay for a renewed appreciation of my phone.
3. We officially have an awesome apartment!
4. TMH was here for the weekend and we planned our lives. Well, our lives for the next few months. I kept saying we had all these big things to discuss (our wedding, everyone else's weddings, our move, finances, etc) and he kept saying not to worry. We had some time in the car to chat---We visited his family and saw his little niece. She's the cutest ever. We dyed eggs and had an egg hunt in the backyard, and can I tell you how much I am loving my role as Auntie P? She has trouble with long names... but I was amazed by how much language she has. She's not even two!--- and we really did figure everything out on our drive. We had such a good weekend. And yes, things are going to be hectic and stressful and crazy and maybe scary... but they are manageable and exciting at the same time!
So I am moving forward. Doing it all! It's going to be a crazy week but I am happy. And the sun has been coming out more regularly recently. That helps a lot. Plans made.... ready, set, go!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Out with the old....
1. Insecurities. They seem to be rearing their heads more and more in the wedding planning process. I am not an event person, but I am excited to be getting married, and I am confident that I will do it in a way that will be true to me. It doesn't matter if others do not like my choices. They are my choices. What matters is that I approve of them. This goes for all my fears about my family as well. I can only control my decisions and my behavior- not what anyone else wants me to do. Of course this is tempered by how much I care about my friends and family, and my fears of alienating them. I just have to go with the confidence that the people who love me will understand. When it comes down to it, it will be great to bring so many important people together. The wedding is going to be wonderful.... and a lot of fun!
2. Worries and Anxieties. This makes me laugh. How many of you think I can do away with my anxiety in 2009? I am known to be a bit of a fretter. Given how much change and uncertainty is already planned for the year, I have a feeling I will have a hard time keeping this under wraps. I know it's not about elimination, though, it's about management. I am prepared to handle everything coming towards me right now. I will do my best to handle it well. Let's face it, the things coming towards me that are scary are all mostly positive things: my dissertation proposal defense and data collection (Clearly essential steps on my PhD path), my move in with TMH (Also clearly essential to my future marriage and plans for happiness. Much of my current stress comes from us living separately. I know moving in will be a big adjustment for both of us, and me moving away from the town that has been my home and a critical part of my life for the past 5 years is no small matter. But it's time.), my wedding (Exciting!), my marriage, leaving my job, changes at work, etc. (How positive some of these things may be is unclear at the moment!)
And in with the new...
1. Confidence. See above. I am prepared to do what I need to do. I am lucky to be doing so many exciting things. I can do it!
---
I am in limbo now. It's sort of still vacation time for me, but I need to work this week. I need to work, and see my parents, and manage my stress surrounding my imminent proposal defense. Since I did not get feedback from my advisor until Christmas Eve, I haven't made much progress. The good news is, he had some helpful suggestions and they shouldn't take TOO much time. I am confident that by the end of day tomorrow I will have a decent (updated) draft to send to my committee.
The holidays were nice. First, I got to spend some time with my mom and see some old friends. My mom is doing well, though she is definitely getting older. I have to make myself be patient... I just don't want her to be older. I got to see some good friends, and remember where I come from, if that makes any sense. I think sometimes I forget that there are people who have known me for a LONG time out there. It's nice to be reminded. I ordered my wedding dress, which was actually a big moment when insecurities came out, surprisingly! It somehow wasn't enough for me that I wanted the dress; I got too worried about what others might think. I am excited about the dress! Out with those insecurities! It was the first one I tried on, the first one I loved, the one I had been eyeing for weeks. I think it's me, and it's beautiful.
I also got to spend a full week with TMH. We went on a ski vacation, which was awesome, despite the frigid temperatures. I thought cold was cold until we experienced frostbite warnings and a mostly empty ski resort. If the pros are not willing to brave the temps, it must be bad, right? We did get to do some skiing, and just hang out, though, which was really what we needed to do. It was a nice way to ring in 2009. We also did a bit of wedding planning, which made us feel a bit better, I think. You all know how TMH loves his spreadsheets. At least we are really doing this in a collaborative way. We are both about to get pretty busy with life again, so it's nice to be clear from my project manager ;-) about what aspects of the wedding planning I should focus on when I need to take a break from my work.
So, that's my update for now. I am sitting in TMH's apartment, about to go to the airport to head back to my mom's. I'll work and go see my dad this week (who was just offered a job on the other side of the world. Big news!), and then I'll head back up to my "real" life on the weekend. I can do it! Out with the old, and in with the new, they say. Though let's not forget that some of the old was good. 2008 was a pretty terrific year for me, and I can only expect that 2009 will be as well. But why do the holidays always go by so quickly?! I think that was the cry heard round the country this morning.
Happy 2009, everyone!
2. Worries and Anxieties. This makes me laugh. How many of you think I can do away with my anxiety in 2009? I am known to be a bit of a fretter. Given how much change and uncertainty is already planned for the year, I have a feeling I will have a hard time keeping this under wraps. I know it's not about elimination, though, it's about management. I am prepared to handle everything coming towards me right now. I will do my best to handle it well. Let's face it, the things coming towards me that are scary are all mostly positive things: my dissertation proposal defense and data collection (Clearly essential steps on my PhD path), my move in with TMH (Also clearly essential to my future marriage and plans for happiness. Much of my current stress comes from us living separately. I know moving in will be a big adjustment for both of us, and me moving away from the town that has been my home and a critical part of my life for the past 5 years is no small matter. But it's time.), my wedding (Exciting!), my marriage, leaving my job, changes at work, etc. (How positive some of these things may be is unclear at the moment!)
And in with the new...
1. Confidence. See above. I am prepared to do what I need to do. I am lucky to be doing so many exciting things. I can do it!
---
I am in limbo now. It's sort of still vacation time for me, but I need to work this week. I need to work, and see my parents, and manage my stress surrounding my imminent proposal defense. Since I did not get feedback from my advisor until Christmas Eve, I haven't made much progress. The good news is, he had some helpful suggestions and they shouldn't take TOO much time. I am confident that by the end of day tomorrow I will have a decent (updated) draft to send to my committee.
The holidays were nice. First, I got to spend some time with my mom and see some old friends. My mom is doing well, though she is definitely getting older. I have to make myself be patient... I just don't want her to be older. I got to see some good friends, and remember where I come from, if that makes any sense. I think sometimes I forget that there are people who have known me for a LONG time out there. It's nice to be reminded. I ordered my wedding dress, which was actually a big moment when insecurities came out, surprisingly! It somehow wasn't enough for me that I wanted the dress; I got too worried about what others might think. I am excited about the dress! Out with those insecurities! It was the first one I tried on, the first one I loved, the one I had been eyeing for weeks. I think it's me, and it's beautiful.
I also got to spend a full week with TMH. We went on a ski vacation, which was awesome, despite the frigid temperatures. I thought cold was cold until we experienced frostbite warnings and a mostly empty ski resort. If the pros are not willing to brave the temps, it must be bad, right? We did get to do some skiing, and just hang out, though, which was really what we needed to do. It was a nice way to ring in 2009. We also did a bit of wedding planning, which made us feel a bit better, I think. You all know how TMH loves his spreadsheets. At least we are really doing this in a collaborative way. We are both about to get pretty busy with life again, so it's nice to be clear from my project manager ;-) about what aspects of the wedding planning I should focus on when I need to take a break from my work.
So, that's my update for now. I am sitting in TMH's apartment, about to go to the airport to head back to my mom's. I'll work and go see my dad this week (who was just offered a job on the other side of the world. Big news!), and then I'll head back up to my "real" life on the weekend. I can do it! Out with the old, and in with the new, they say. Though let's not forget that some of the old was good. 2008 was a pretty terrific year for me, and I can only expect that 2009 will be as well. But why do the holidays always go by so quickly?! I think that was the cry heard round the country this morning.
Happy 2009, everyone!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Now if only we had a wheelbarrow, that would be something
In a way, writing a dissertation is much like storming the castle. People keep putting roadblocks in my way, and I have to figure out a way around them. I am currently navigating my way around them. Mostly.
I got stuck for a while, and realized (duh) that wasn't doing me any good. I have to at least keep trying to move forward. So now, Thanksgiving has passed, and I have a renewed energy to storm through this project. Renewed energy mixed with panic that there are really only 3 weeks left until I leave for the semester. And that I am really unclear about what will be happening next semester. But I have (almost) 3 weeks to work all that out. Unfortunately a wheelbarrow really won't help me. If only it were that easy...
Thanksgiving was a nice holiday. First off, TMH and I celebrated our three-year dating anniversary. It hit me that I am joining TMH's family. He's joining mine too, of course, but Thanksgiving was a time to think about his. I got to bond a bit with his mother and sister, and I was touched by their excitement about the wedding. Little B, TMH's niece, is cuter than ever. I have to admit that I am very excited to be an aunt. They are already calling me Aunt PMP. That makes me happy. TMH's brother is excited to be the best man in the wedding. So everyone is happy.
It was really tough sending TMH home on Sunday. I have to get back to storming the castle, because we can't live like this for much longer! We're on our third year of distance, and I'm told that married people like to live together. I have to get this done.
I got stuck for a while, and realized (duh) that wasn't doing me any good. I have to at least keep trying to move forward. So now, Thanksgiving has passed, and I have a renewed energy to storm through this project. Renewed energy mixed with panic that there are really only 3 weeks left until I leave for the semester. And that I am really unclear about what will be happening next semester. But I have (almost) 3 weeks to work all that out. Unfortunately a wheelbarrow really won't help me. If only it were that easy...
Thanksgiving was a nice holiday. First off, TMH and I celebrated our three-year dating anniversary. It hit me that I am joining TMH's family. He's joining mine too, of course, but Thanksgiving was a time to think about his. I got to bond a bit with his mother and sister, and I was touched by their excitement about the wedding. Little B, TMH's niece, is cuter than ever. I have to admit that I am very excited to be an aunt. They are already calling me Aunt PMP. That makes me happy. TMH's brother is excited to be the best man in the wedding. So everyone is happy.
It was really tough sending TMH home on Sunday. I have to get back to storming the castle, because we can't live like this for much longer! We're on our third year of distance, and I'm told that married people like to live together. I have to get this done.
Friday, November 14, 2008
O to struggle against great odds, to meet enemies undaunted!
Like Mr. Pitts, I'm feeling a bit daunted.
I found out this week that I should write three chapters of my dissertation by December 1 if I want to defend my proposal by the end of the semester. The proposal defense is the last hoop standing between me and my research. When my advisor told me, I thought he was kidding. Nope. Apparently these three chapters make up the dissertation proposal. There is a difference between saying "three chapters" and saying "proposal" don't you think? Apparently I have much of the work done from my A-exam papers, so that's good news. Somehow I still feel it's all a bit daunting!
The major issue is that I am struggling to get back into work mode. I need to get back to my A-exam schedule, which has been tough. I think I'm just kind of burned out, though it's way too early for me to be burned out! I have three weeks, basically. I just have to get my mind back into it. I can do it!
Things continue to be a bit off. My friend's mom is still in the hospital, though she seems to be doing better. The first round of lay-offs hit TMH's company, and one of his good friends was let go. That was sad and a bit scary. My work has been unusual and busy. Busy is the norm but I have been busy with unusual things, I guess. TMH and I haven't been able to make any winter break plans because of his schedule and my uncertainty about my proposal. At least we have Thanksgiving plans set. We are both looking forward to going to TMH's parents' house. All of his siblings will be home, and of course the big draw is my future niece. She's super cute and growing up quickly! We are both excited about that trip, at least.
In other good news we have started planning a bit more for the wedding. I am getting excited about bringing my close friends and family together. We may win a prize for the number of people who come from far away for our big day. I am especially touched because my cousin M in Australia is so excited to be a part of the wedding. My relationship with her really means a lot to me. In any case, it's nice to have such a happy occasion to distract me.
But for now I am sitting in TMH's apartment (so good to have gotten away from the craziness at school and to see him again!) with a day of writing ahead of me, feeling a bit daunted. Wish me luck!
I found out this week that I should write three chapters of my dissertation by December 1 if I want to defend my proposal by the end of the semester. The proposal defense is the last hoop standing between me and my research. When my advisor told me, I thought he was kidding. Nope. Apparently these three chapters make up the dissertation proposal. There is a difference between saying "three chapters" and saying "proposal" don't you think? Apparently I have much of the work done from my A-exam papers, so that's good news. Somehow I still feel it's all a bit daunting!
The major issue is that I am struggling to get back into work mode. I need to get back to my A-exam schedule, which has been tough. I think I'm just kind of burned out, though it's way too early for me to be burned out! I have three weeks, basically. I just have to get my mind back into it. I can do it!
Things continue to be a bit off. My friend's mom is still in the hospital, though she seems to be doing better. The first round of lay-offs hit TMH's company, and one of his good friends was let go. That was sad and a bit scary. My work has been unusual and busy. Busy is the norm but I have been busy with unusual things, I guess. TMH and I haven't been able to make any winter break plans because of his schedule and my uncertainty about my proposal. At least we have Thanksgiving plans set. We are both looking forward to going to TMH's parents' house. All of his siblings will be home, and of course the big draw is my future niece. She's super cute and growing up quickly! We are both excited about that trip, at least.
In other good news we have started planning a bit more for the wedding. I am getting excited about bringing my close friends and family together. We may win a prize for the number of people who come from far away for our big day. I am especially touched because my cousin M in Australia is so excited to be a part of the wedding. My relationship with her really means a lot to me. In any case, it's nice to have such a happy occasion to distract me.
But for now I am sitting in TMH's apartment (so good to have gotten away from the craziness at school and to see him again!) with a day of writing ahead of me, feeling a bit daunted. Wish me luck!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Obstacles
Or, obstaculos, if you will. Lots have come up in the past few days.
Some take the form of ordinary, annoying things, like going to the dentist. Oh, wait, PMP, why haven't you been to the dentist in the past 2 years? Because I am a poor student. But, haven't you been on vacation and done other things? Yes, but those were important, and I have good teeth. OH. Priorities, right? Now I find out I have 3 small cavities, and the only filling I already had needed to be replaced. CRAP. Why, you might ask? Because I have been grinding my teeth so much that I have worn away enamel and poked holes in them and nearly cracked my tooth with the existing filling. I only vaguely knew I was doing it ( it's a sleep disorder)- TMH told me about it. He does it so badly that he wakes up with bad headaches and had to buy an expensive mouth (oclusion) guard while I smugly listened and tried to be sympathetic and thought about my great teeth. I had no symptoms so I was skeptical of his claims that I grind. HMMM. Good thing I paid a little bit of attention, though, because apparently it's really bad and I've done a lot of damage. I know this is riveting topic, right? But it's symbolic of my week. I suddenly need to get 4 fillings and make plans to get an oclusion guard, right away. Let me just say that I had no wear on my teeth 2 years ago- no evidence of any grinding. What have I been doing for the past 2 years? HMMM. Real proof that grad school is stressful, in case anyone was in doubt. Paying for all of these things is really fun, too.
My trip to the dentist comes as a side benefit of visiting my dad. Coming here brings up lots of issues that I won't go into on this forum. I guess anyone who has an ex-stepfamily should expect issues. Visiting brings up some emotional baggage for me (to say the least) though I wonder whether you can call it baggage when some of it is new. I will say that his 60th birthday was a big success. Yay for that! 60 years ago today, my dad was born in a far away land, in the middle of nowhere, and look at where he ended up. In any case, his story is really amazing, and I am glad I was able to be here for his big day.
There are other obstacles... (most of them about my anxiety for the coming semester as I try to make plans):
Some take the form of ordinary, annoying things, like going to the dentist. Oh, wait, PMP, why haven't you been to the dentist in the past 2 years? Because I am a poor student. But, haven't you been on vacation and done other things? Yes, but those were important, and I have good teeth. OH. Priorities, right? Now I find out I have 3 small cavities, and the only filling I already had needed to be replaced. CRAP. Why, you might ask? Because I have been grinding my teeth so much that I have worn away enamel and poked holes in them and nearly cracked my tooth with the existing filling. I only vaguely knew I was doing it ( it's a sleep disorder)- TMH told me about it. He does it so badly that he wakes up with bad headaches and had to buy an expensive mouth (oclusion) guard while I smugly listened and tried to be sympathetic and thought about my great teeth. I had no symptoms so I was skeptical of his claims that I grind. HMMM. Good thing I paid a little bit of attention, though, because apparently it's really bad and I've done a lot of damage. I know this is riveting topic, right? But it's symbolic of my week. I suddenly need to get 4 fillings and make plans to get an oclusion guard, right away. Let me just say that I had no wear on my teeth 2 years ago- no evidence of any grinding. What have I been doing for the past 2 years? HMMM. Real proof that grad school is stressful, in case anyone was in doubt. Paying for all of these things is really fun, too.
My trip to the dentist comes as a side benefit of visiting my dad. Coming here brings up lots of issues that I won't go into on this forum. I guess anyone who has an ex-stepfamily should expect issues. Visiting brings up some emotional baggage for me (to say the least) though I wonder whether you can call it baggage when some of it is new. I will say that his 60th birthday was a big success. Yay for that! 60 years ago today, my dad was born in a far away land, in the middle of nowhere, and look at where he ended up. In any case, his story is really amazing, and I am glad I was able to be here for his big day.
There are other obstacles... (most of them about my anxiety for the coming semester as I try to make plans):
- The fact that the professor who said no to being on my committee recently said she wouldn't meet with me next week to go over the proposal I wrote for her class- that sucks (can I take it as a slap in the face?) because I thought of it as the last thing she owed me as my professor... and now she is no longer my professor and I really wanted her input. She seems to have completely washed her hands of me...
- Realizing that no faculty at school would care if I dropped out (my boss would probably be the most upset, because who would do the work?), and worrying about my ability to get 3 professors in a room together, much less come up with a sound, workable project (I think I have the beginnings of one, but how will I know if I don't get any feedback?)....
- Finances as I try to figure out how to pay for the dentist AND new tires (my teeth and my car are both fairly central to my life) as I worry about the long drive I have ahead of me...
- The emotions that come up from being around my family and in my various "homes." (That word home is very confusing, by the way). I think it would be best for me to think of school as my home, but that's hard because it's inherently transient. The fact that TMH lives elsewhere complicates matters, too. Let me just say that spending almost a month away is a real luxury but it's also a bit disorienting and unsettling. More than a bit, at this point.
So, tomorrow I am headed back up north to celebrate TMH's birthday (and I get to see a good friend who understands, thank goodness), and then things will get back to "normal," or however they might be when I get back to school. I will have to do all I can to keep a level head through this transition. As I said before (let me remind myself) 2008 will be a big year so clearly it will not be without challenges.
Friday, December 7, 2007
And then there was...
one!
My friend Mrs. Bizarro, aka E, just wrote a post called "One down." Yep, I'm one down too. Actually, I'm two down. And I only have one left. Though somehow, similar to E, I am not feeling so happy about it. Maybe because we know we still have more? Maybe because that one that's down wasn't so great? Maybe because finishing wasn't that triumphant, because of the rest of life that continues as these things come and go? In her case it seems a friend was angry with her for being so busy lately. In my case it seems I am upset about what I always get upset about this time of year- my winter break plans.
Ah, you say, what do you have to be upset about? You get to travel here there and everywhere and see important people. That part is true. I am very lucky to have people in my life (and I am VERY excited about my vacation with TMH). I get to see and spend some time with my mom, who seems to be getting older by the minute. I get to see some old friends. I get to see and spend more time with TMH, and of course that's a good thing since we don't even live in the same state. And, of course, I get to see my dad. But what does all this mean? I have to run around hither thither and yon to do it. Despite what you might think, it's not always that much fun. Because, no matter how I do it, I ALWAYS end up feeling guilty or pissing someone off. I should have spent more time here, done something else there... OH wait, I didn't get a chance to see so-and-so. Is ___ going to be mad? This issue is complicated by my aforementioned sadness around Thanksgiving, issues surrounding divorce, etc. Things just aren't the same anymore. This year I made a concerted effort to limit my options and do more of what I want to do (you realize I have spent at least 25 years of my life running around like this. That's ridiculous!) but of course I am still upset. I realize that I just need to take charge, and figure out how NOT to be upset. I know it's up to me to do it, because these external circumstances aren't going to change. A big BLAH to whoever is mad... deal with it. I am doing my best, and I am allowed to have my own life. I know the most important part is for me not to be so hard on myself. I AM getting better at it. Baby steps, every year.
My friend Sunshine Mom was saying that they would just be home- no plans to go anywhere. That sounds absolutely amazing to me. Why? Because the most important people in her life live in her home, in a warm state, where there is usually sunshine no less (that's the other thing- it has been freezing here- and snowing every day). I guess that means I am ready to settle down a bit. Easier said than done. As another friend said recently, "well, hopefully soon you will have other things to worry about so these things won't be so difficult or seem so important." Hopefully soon.
For now I am worried about my last big paper, due on Monday. The good news is that I am really excited about this one- it has good potential to turn into my dissertation. I feel more comfortable with this topic than with the one I finished for Wednesday. One might even say I am passionate about it, which is definitely a good sign when you think about how much work a dissertation will be. But, because it is so value- laden (this is a term from my work) it is taking on more importance than the technical task at hand (this is also from my work. Institutional theory. It will probably form the theoretical framework for my dissertation), therefore making it hard for me to just work on it without getting too overwhelmed. I am excited about it though- even in it's current state I would feel comfortable sharing it with my advisor and I think he would be excited to see that I am making progress. So, yay! Let's just do it. The sooner I develop an appropriate dissertation idea, the sooner everything else in my life will be able to settle down. There I go putting pressure on things again. It will be good. What I have currently is already almost "good enough."
My friend Mrs. Bizarro, aka E, just wrote a post called "One down." Yep, I'm one down too. Actually, I'm two down. And I only have one left. Though somehow, similar to E, I am not feeling so happy about it. Maybe because we know we still have more? Maybe because that one that's down wasn't so great? Maybe because finishing wasn't that triumphant, because of the rest of life that continues as these things come and go? In her case it seems a friend was angry with her for being so busy lately. In my case it seems I am upset about what I always get upset about this time of year- my winter break plans.
Ah, you say, what do you have to be upset about? You get to travel here there and everywhere and see important people. That part is true. I am very lucky to have people in my life (and I am VERY excited about my vacation with TMH). I get to see and spend some time with my mom, who seems to be getting older by the minute. I get to see some old friends. I get to see and spend more time with TMH, and of course that's a good thing since we don't even live in the same state. And, of course, I get to see my dad. But what does all this mean? I have to run around hither thither and yon to do it. Despite what you might think, it's not always that much fun. Because, no matter how I do it, I ALWAYS end up feeling guilty or pissing someone off. I should have spent more time here, done something else there... OH wait, I didn't get a chance to see so-and-so. Is ___ going to be mad? This issue is complicated by my aforementioned sadness around Thanksgiving, issues surrounding divorce, etc. Things just aren't the same anymore. This year I made a concerted effort to limit my options and do more of what I want to do (you realize I have spent at least 25 years of my life running around like this. That's ridiculous!) but of course I am still upset. I realize that I just need to take charge, and figure out how NOT to be upset. I know it's up to me to do it, because these external circumstances aren't going to change. A big BLAH to whoever is mad... deal with it. I am doing my best, and I am allowed to have my own life. I know the most important part is for me not to be so hard on myself. I AM getting better at it. Baby steps, every year.
My friend Sunshine Mom was saying that they would just be home- no plans to go anywhere. That sounds absolutely amazing to me. Why? Because the most important people in her life live in her home, in a warm state, where there is usually sunshine no less (that's the other thing- it has been freezing here- and snowing every day). I guess that means I am ready to settle down a bit. Easier said than done. As another friend said recently, "well, hopefully soon you will have other things to worry about so these things won't be so difficult or seem so important." Hopefully soon.
For now I am worried about my last big paper, due on Monday. The good news is that I am really excited about this one- it has good potential to turn into my dissertation. I feel more comfortable with this topic than with the one I finished for Wednesday. One might even say I am passionate about it, which is definitely a good sign when you think about how much work a dissertation will be. But, because it is so value- laden (this is a term from my work) it is taking on more importance than the technical task at hand (this is also from my work. Institutional theory. It will probably form the theoretical framework for my dissertation), therefore making it hard for me to just work on it without getting too overwhelmed. I am excited about it though- even in it's current state I would feel comfortable sharing it with my advisor and I think he would be excited to see that I am making progress. So, yay! Let's just do it. The sooner I develop an appropriate dissertation idea, the sooner everything else in my life will be able to settle down. There I go putting pressure on things again. It will be good. What I have currently is already almost "good enough."
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
I am thankful for....
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and every year we used to go around the table to talk about the things we were thankful for (for which we were thankful? No one says that). As I mentioned before, those Thanksgivings are over, which is a bit sad, but it is time to create and embrace new Thanksgiving traditons.
Even though it seems cheesy, and I am not a little girl anymore, I still like to say my reasons. So here they are, in no particular order:
1. TMH. Two years ago today we went on our first date. It was an interesting evening for several reasons. He almost ran us off the road, because it was icy, and let's just say we went to a bar with some colorful clientele. Clearly, though, it was successful in the grand scheme of things- 2 years! I really feel lucky to have found him (though I also think he should feel lucky to have found me.)
2. That we are going to TMH's parents' for Thanksgiving. As much as I have a hard time with change, it is exciting to start new traditions. How sad would I be if I were sitting here alone? I am lucky.
3. That I get to see my mom next month, and spend Christmas with her. I am thankful for a whole slew of things about my mom. I don't know what I would do without her.
4. My family in general. I am very lucky to have supportive parents, a family across the world that loves me, and other assorted loved ones. I definitely have a modern family.
5. My health, and the health of my friends and family. Let's face it, good health is a blessing. I try not to take it for granted that I can go running and be as active as schedule and weather permit.
6. The opportunity that I have now to be in school. This is a tough one, because if you read this blog you know that I complain about school a lot. It causes me a lot of stress, keeps me poor, and keeps me living in another state from TMH, but I do realize that I am lucky to have the opportunity to do this. It is pretty amazing when you think about it. It should be pretty clear that I am committed to my work. That's probably why I complain so much. Clearly if I didn't care about this stuff I would just quit, and I am not about to do that!
7. My cat. Even though she can be a pain sometimes, I love her. She is good company and keeps life in my apartment entertaining.
8. That I have a few days off. I need it!
9. That I have such good friends. You know who you are. Thank you all for being so great and supportive!
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
Even though it seems cheesy, and I am not a little girl anymore, I still like to say my reasons. So here they are, in no particular order:
1. TMH. Two years ago today we went on our first date. It was an interesting evening for several reasons. He almost ran us off the road, because it was icy, and let's just say we went to a bar with some colorful clientele. Clearly, though, it was successful in the grand scheme of things- 2 years! I really feel lucky to have found him (though I also think he should feel lucky to have found me.)
2. That we are going to TMH's parents' for Thanksgiving. As much as I have a hard time with change, it is exciting to start new traditions. How sad would I be if I were sitting here alone? I am lucky.
3. That I get to see my mom next month, and spend Christmas with her. I am thankful for a whole slew of things about my mom. I don't know what I would do without her.
4. My family in general. I am very lucky to have supportive parents, a family across the world that loves me, and other assorted loved ones. I definitely have a modern family.
5. My health, and the health of my friends and family. Let's face it, good health is a blessing. I try not to take it for granted that I can go running and be as active as schedule and weather permit.
6. The opportunity that I have now to be in school. This is a tough one, because if you read this blog you know that I complain about school a lot. It causes me a lot of stress, keeps me poor, and keeps me living in another state from TMH, but I do realize that I am lucky to have the opportunity to do this. It is pretty amazing when you think about it. It should be pretty clear that I am committed to my work. That's probably why I complain so much. Clearly if I didn't care about this stuff I would just quit, and I am not about to do that!
7. My cat. Even though she can be a pain sometimes, I love her. She is good company and keeps life in my apartment entertaining.
8. That I have a few days off. I need it!
9. That I have such good friends. You know who you are. Thank you all for being so great and supportive!
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
All issues, deep and shallow..
I guess you can guess what the deep issues are. Me figuring out a dissertation topic, and making headway in my ability to actually do it. That's what these proposals are for- I have to write one as a final paper in two of my classes, so if I do it well then maybe things will become smoother and more focused next semester. Of course if I don't do it well I will just have to do it in the future, prolonging the process. I know I shouldn't be impatient, but I am. I have one friend and colleague from school with whom I can discuss such issues freely (she'll be referred to as H in the future), and we have the same advisor. We agree that if we don't get focused soon, we could be here indefinitely. That's scary and unacceptable. Our advisor has a very hands-off manner (he could let us explore our interests forever) which is nice in a way, but frustrating in another way. He won't be the one pushing us. Of course, it is only my 3rd semester and I don't need to put undue pressure on this, but let's face it... I want to move forward!
I have told two potential committee members about these proposals, so I would like to be able to proudly and confidently share them when I'm done, and hope they'll immediately agree that they would be crazy not to work with me. I need another committee member, as you know, preferably one who is nice, yet pushy. Having someone to help you stay on track seems invaluable at this point.
I have been working hard all weekend and these things aren't flowing as smoothly or as quickly as I would like. I have been somewhat successful in getting some of my other assignments out of the way, though. I should at least give myself credit for that.
Now, for the shallow. Dresses. Do you think they are shallow? TMH and I are going to a formal event on Dec. 1 and it was suggested that I need a new dress. You might understand that buying a dress is not an easy thing to do. Every attempt I have made to order a dress online has failed for one reason or another. One actually came and was a completely different color than I expected. Another one seemed perfect, and Nordstroms let me go a whole two days expecting that it would arrive before I received an email letting me know that it was no longer available and would not be shipped. BOO HOO. I realize, in the grand scheme of things, that this is not a big deal. I will just wear my black dress that I always wear. Somehow, though, that seems disappointing. I guess it seems worse because this whole thing started with the implication that I wear my black dress too often. Let's also not forget that all of these things cost money, which I don't have. The bones are flying lately- it's that time of year, between dresses and cats and haircuts and gifts and trips. (By bones, I mean money, of course. I think it's funny that TMH like to use that word. I think he wants to be a gangster in his next life).
More shallow things: Thanksgiving (actually I think this one fits in an in-between category). TMH and I are going to his parents' for T-day. That's exciting, right? It is very nice that I am welcome to go there (and I went there last year) but it is still a bit sad for me that I haven't been with any part of my family (mom or dad) for the day in several years. The real sadness (that is not shallow) comes from the fact that I always think about being with my dad and his ex-wife's family on T-day. I grew up with a southern Thanksgiving, and I loved it, every year. When he got divorced, that experience ended. I have been back to spend the day with her family (and I know they are still my family) but of course it's not the same. I guess that's what's really bothering me, but let's get back to the current issue: Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, and I like to participate in it actively, which is tough in another family's home. So, this year I think I am going to make a pie to bring with me to their house. A southern pecan pie. I think it will make me feel better. Maybe. I am not really a baker, though. My job was always the cornbread dressing (I'm guessing that would not be an appropriate dish to bring). But let's face it, currently I should not be worried about making pies. I need to focus on more important things, and I should just be thankful that I get to spend the holiday with TMH and his family.
I have told two potential committee members about these proposals, so I would like to be able to proudly and confidently share them when I'm done, and hope they'll immediately agree that they would be crazy not to work with me. I need another committee member, as you know, preferably one who is nice, yet pushy. Having someone to help you stay on track seems invaluable at this point.
I have been working hard all weekend and these things aren't flowing as smoothly or as quickly as I would like. I have been somewhat successful in getting some of my other assignments out of the way, though. I should at least give myself credit for that.
Now, for the shallow. Dresses. Do you think they are shallow? TMH and I are going to a formal event on Dec. 1 and it was suggested that I need a new dress. You might understand that buying a dress is not an easy thing to do. Every attempt I have made to order a dress online has failed for one reason or another. One actually came and was a completely different color than I expected. Another one seemed perfect, and Nordstroms let me go a whole two days expecting that it would arrive before I received an email letting me know that it was no longer available and would not be shipped. BOO HOO. I realize, in the grand scheme of things, that this is not a big deal. I will just wear my black dress that I always wear. Somehow, though, that seems disappointing. I guess it seems worse because this whole thing started with the implication that I wear my black dress too often. Let's also not forget that all of these things cost money, which I don't have. The bones are flying lately- it's that time of year, between dresses and cats and haircuts and gifts and trips. (By bones, I mean money, of course. I think it's funny that TMH like to use that word. I think he wants to be a gangster in his next life).
More shallow things: Thanksgiving (actually I think this one fits in an in-between category). TMH and I are going to his parents' for T-day. That's exciting, right? It is very nice that I am welcome to go there (and I went there last year) but it is still a bit sad for me that I haven't been with any part of my family (mom or dad) for the day in several years. The real sadness (that is not shallow) comes from the fact that I always think about being with my dad and his ex-wife's family on T-day. I grew up with a southern Thanksgiving, and I loved it, every year. When he got divorced, that experience ended. I have been back to spend the day with her family (and I know they are still my family) but of course it's not the same. I guess that's what's really bothering me, but let's get back to the current issue: Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, and I like to participate in it actively, which is tough in another family's home. So, this year I think I am going to make a pie to bring with me to their house. A southern pecan pie. I think it will make me feel better. Maybe. I am not really a baker, though. My job was always the cornbread dressing (I'm guessing that would not be an appropriate dish to bring). But let's face it, currently I should not be worried about making pies. I need to focus on more important things, and I should just be thankful that I get to spend the holiday with TMH and his family.
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