So, while outward appearances may indicate that my life is awesome, my teeth are telling a different story.
As you may remember, I learned last year that I'd been grinding my teeth. Thanks, grad school. Never any sign of grinding until I entered this chapter of my life, and apparently I did some serious damage before I started wearing a mouth guard. I can tell that it's been getting worse again lately; my teeth ache when I get up in the morning! I am telling myself to be positive and I try to relax before bed but at night nagging concerns start to play over and over again in my head, on different channels that often overlap. You have the pleasure of getting some insight into them here:
1. Chemistry. Chemistry. Why won't the chemistry students talk to me? How can I convince them to participate? What if they don't? What will I do... what about my dissertation how will I finish it....
2. Work. Why do we have someone incompetent working for us? What's going to happen to the program when I leave? I KNOW IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM so why am I obsessing about it? Such a sense of obligation.... what am I going to do without this job as an anchor?
3. Moving. OMG I'm moving I have too much stuff what am I going to do with all of it and Gemi and what if TMH and Gemi don't get along and how are we going to afford everything and what if I don't get a job right away but that's OK because I have to finish my dissertation but what if I can't get the chemists to talk to me and I'm going to miss my friends and my life is so easy here and OMG I'm moving and how am I going to do all the things I need to do in May?
4. Wedding cupcakes. Chocolate or vanilla and what about decorations and we should just get cake and why do I even care I don't care about this kind of stuff but I want it to be nice and why is it so expensive and what if it's all too matchy matchy but no it will be nice and what about the dresses and how did I become someone who worries about this stuff?
OH DEAR. It goes on and on. Exhausting, right? You got it. My position as a fretter is definitely intact. The good news is that this just happens before I go to bed, so I am getting my money's worth out of my mouth guard, and people don't want to shoot me when they talk to me. I'm good. I'll figure it out... and clearly need to work on other ways to turn off my brain before bed!
Showing posts with label teeth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teeth. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I'm back
Never fear. I'm here.
Where, you might wonder. At the moment I'm in the public library getting ready to go over to my dad's house. I've been gone a while (clearly, if I am currently near my dad's house, right?), and there is much to update. So much so, that I have struggled to start this post. Hmm..... let's see:
1. TMH and I had a wonderful vacation at the beach. I love the beach. And seafood. And TMH. It was so great to get away for a bit. Afterwards we spent a pleasant weekend with my mom and her BF. It was nice for all of us to spend a little more time together. I'll try to put up some photos soon.
2. Since I've been back (at my mom's, that is. It's hard to talk about being "back" and "home" when you're as mobile as I am), I have been working to set up my research, and I have a big meeting next week with a dean at the school I want to study (the same school that will employ me again this summer). I conveniently have the meeting on Thursday morning. Orientation for my summer job starts Thursday afternoon. Look at me, being efficient.
3. I went to the dentist today. I am still grinding up a storm. So much so that I chipped a tooth. I mean, I am wearing my guard every night, and I still manage to chip a tooth? The dentist suggested I take up yoga. I guess I've been stressed. Hmmm. I am having flashbacks to winter break, the time of fixing cars and teeth. I am again in a time of fixing cars and teeth, though neither issue seems as serious as it did in January.
4. So I'm at my dad's, just for today, tomorrow I'll be back at my mom's, and then on Tuesday I'll be headed up to my summer home (aka TMH's apartment) to start the summer job and do all of the important Thursday things. Got it?
Where, you might wonder. At the moment I'm in the public library getting ready to go over to my dad's house. I've been gone a while (clearly, if I am currently near my dad's house, right?), and there is much to update. So much so, that I have struggled to start this post. Hmm..... let's see:
1. TMH and I had a wonderful vacation at the beach. I love the beach. And seafood. And TMH. It was so great to get away for a bit. Afterwards we spent a pleasant weekend with my mom and her BF. It was nice for all of us to spend a little more time together. I'll try to put up some photos soon.
2. Since I've been back (at my mom's, that is. It's hard to talk about being "back" and "home" when you're as mobile as I am), I have been working to set up my research, and I have a big meeting next week with a dean at the school I want to study (the same school that will employ me again this summer). I conveniently have the meeting on Thursday morning. Orientation for my summer job starts Thursday afternoon. Look at me, being efficient.
3. I went to the dentist today. I am still grinding up a storm. So much so that I chipped a tooth. I mean, I am wearing my guard every night, and I still manage to chip a tooth? The dentist suggested I take up yoga. I guess I've been stressed. Hmmm. I am having flashbacks to winter break, the time of fixing cars and teeth. I am again in a time of fixing cars and teeth, though neither issue seems as serious as it did in January.
4. So I'm at my dad's, just for today, tomorrow I'll be back at my mom's, and then on Tuesday I'll be headed up to my summer home (aka TMH's apartment) to start the summer job and do all of the important Thursday things. Got it?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Up and up...
An UPdate:
1. I opened my cards this morning for Valentine's Day and nearly cried. Even though my loved ones are mostly far away, I feel very lucky and loved.
2. My class went well this morning. I have a really nice group of students this semester. I think they appreciated the fact that I brought them conversation hearts. They really must think Americans are so ridiculous with their traditions, but I feel some burden to enlighten them (in a fun way, of course). Plus, conversations hearts are English, right? Almost.
3. When I went back to my desk after meeting with students, my computer was back! YAY. It was miraculously restored! They caution that I still may need to look for a more long-term solution (and my boss seemed to indicate they would get me a new system). I feel such a huge sense of relief.
4. I did NOT go to the staff meeting today. FREEDOM.
5. I left work today knowing I do not have to go back until Monday. I finally have some time to concentrate on my own stuff. Again, I say, FREEDOM.
6. I DID go to the dentist to pick up my mouth guard. So far so good. As far as I can tell, I got the same product for less than half the price I was quoted at my dad's. That's ok, my car issues a few weeks ago cost twice as much as I expected, so it all evens out. Costing less is always better, though. I am excited about my mouth guard. I know, I know, I am a nerd.
7. I went running. The sun was out, and it was at least 20 degrees, so I had to celebrate the occasion. I had to make sure not to step in the wrong place (ice) but it was good. That helped me feel even more back in balance.
8. I caught up with a couple of friends on the phone, and made food for the weekend so that there's something around for TMH and me to eat.
So yeah, I am getting my groove back. Now hopefully I will be able to focus and move forward with my own work. I have noticed I have been blogging a lot this week. I think I must really need to process. Hey, that's what blogs are good for, right?
Again, happy Valentine's day, everyone!
1. I opened my cards this morning for Valentine's Day and nearly cried. Even though my loved ones are mostly far away, I feel very lucky and loved.
2. My class went well this morning. I have a really nice group of students this semester. I think they appreciated the fact that I brought them conversation hearts. They really must think Americans are so ridiculous with their traditions, but I feel some burden to enlighten them (in a fun way, of course). Plus, conversations hearts are English, right? Almost.
3. When I went back to my desk after meeting with students, my computer was back! YAY. It was miraculously restored! They caution that I still may need to look for a more long-term solution (and my boss seemed to indicate they would get me a new system). I feel such a huge sense of relief.
4. I did NOT go to the staff meeting today. FREEDOM.
5. I left work today knowing I do not have to go back until Monday. I finally have some time to concentrate on my own stuff. Again, I say, FREEDOM.
6. I DID go to the dentist to pick up my mouth guard. So far so good. As far as I can tell, I got the same product for less than half the price I was quoted at my dad's. That's ok, my car issues a few weeks ago cost twice as much as I expected, so it all evens out. Costing less is always better, though. I am excited about my mouth guard. I know, I know, I am a nerd.
7. I went running. The sun was out, and it was at least 20 degrees, so I had to celebrate the occasion. I had to make sure not to step in the wrong place (ice) but it was good. That helped me feel even more back in balance.
8. I caught up with a couple of friends on the phone, and made food for the weekend so that there's something around for TMH and me to eat.
So yeah, I am getting my groove back. Now hopefully I will be able to focus and move forward with my own work. I have noticed I have been blogging a lot this week. I think I must really need to process. Hey, that's what blogs are good for, right?
Again, happy Valentine's day, everyone!
Friday, January 25, 2008
What a week....
I haven't been this glad to see Friday night in quite a while. I was back in the classroom, back at work, back to super long days, back at everything in full effect. If I thought I was back in the saddle last week, I am really back this week. I know I'll feel even more back next week, when I actually begin something resembling a routine. Let's review the major events of the week, shall we?
I am excited about:
My classes. They seem great so far, except that they are all on the same day. It is particularly exciting that I am taking another class with the woman on my committee. It will be a good opportunity for me to reconnect with her and fill out one section of my proposal. She is really great. I also got permission to do a directed reading with my advisor this semester, so everything I am doing is relevant and connected to my future work. There is nothing like feeling that things are useful to put you in a good mood about classes.
My schedule. My classes being all on the same day means that things in life will be very compact and I will have the flexibility to go out of town, should the need arise. Of course I will be going to visit TMH as usual, but it is looking more and more likely that I will be doing my research elsewhere, and I will need time during the week to set up meetings, etc. (Conveniently the "elsewhere" will be where TMH lives).
My potential committee. Today I met with the guy who is my best candidate for a third member. I have mentioned him before. We were having such a positive meeting- he was very excited about my potential work- so I decided to bite the bullet and ask him. His reaction was too cute- he was surprised and pleased, if you can believe that! No one has ever asked him that before, because he is a new faculty member. So, he couldn't say yes, because he has to talk to his chair (my former professor who recommended I speak with him) because apparently all new faculty are kept in the dark about committee protocol for their first year. I explained to him a little bit about the way committees work in my department. He said it shouldn't be a problem, because I don't really need him in any official capacity until the summer, and by then he will have been there a year. I have a good feeling about it all. He is a very positive and easy-going guy, and I appreciate his energy and enthusiasm. I know there are some drawbacks to having a new person, but there are clearly advantages as well. So, even though he didn't give me a "yes," I am optimistic that soon another piece of the puzzle will fall into place. Yay me!
TMH's visit this weekend. Yep, he is coming to visit, since he couldn't last weekend because of his illness. It will be great to see him. Unfortunately I am waiting for him now. He should have been here already, but of course he didn't get to leave work as early as he had planned, so he won't get in until late.
I am not so excited about:
My teaching. I have to refresh and renew my energy with the students. Lately I have been accused of being a bit angry. Maybe my patience is starting to go- after all, I've been working with a very similar group for quite some time now. And, to be honest, I AM annoyed with them, because they are still in my class! So, I have to figure out how to channel my annoyance into a positive motivation strategy. I think I can do it- the students know I mean well, at least. Regardless of the issues, I will say that I am teaching at the perfect time. Win some, lose some, you know?
I am not so sure about:
Changes at work. The reason for one of my long days this week was a work meeting at 8 am in which major restructuring was officially announced. For now I think it is a positive change. The incompetent director (my boss's boss) is out. It seems that for now my job is safe. We'll see what happens when they bring on new leadership in the summer. I am not sure how much longer I will need my job, but it would be nice to have the option of it next year, for sure. We'll just have to see how these changes play out.
My teeth. Somehow in all this brouhaha I went to get fitted for a mouth guard. I am not convinced I am getting the right thing and I continue to worry about my teeth. I really wish I could have done it at my dad's, with the trustworthy dentist. We'll see.
My car. I also managed to take it in to get fixed this week, but I still don't have it back! I took it in on Monday! At this point it doesn't matter because TMH is coming and he can use my parking spot and drive us where we need to go, but jeez. They assure me it will be ready by noon on Monday, and everything will be perfect. It also somehow isn't costing me an arm and a leg. Once again, we'll see.
Happy Friday, everyone!
I am excited about:
My classes. They seem great so far, except that they are all on the same day. It is particularly exciting that I am taking another class with the woman on my committee. It will be a good opportunity for me to reconnect with her and fill out one section of my proposal. She is really great. I also got permission to do a directed reading with my advisor this semester, so everything I am doing is relevant and connected to my future work. There is nothing like feeling that things are useful to put you in a good mood about classes.
My schedule. My classes being all on the same day means that things in life will be very compact and I will have the flexibility to go out of town, should the need arise. Of course I will be going to visit TMH as usual, but it is looking more and more likely that I will be doing my research elsewhere, and I will need time during the week to set up meetings, etc. (Conveniently the "elsewhere" will be where TMH lives).
My potential committee. Today I met with the guy who is my best candidate for a third member. I have mentioned him before. We were having such a positive meeting- he was very excited about my potential work- so I decided to bite the bullet and ask him. His reaction was too cute- he was surprised and pleased, if you can believe that! No one has ever asked him that before, because he is a new faculty member. So, he couldn't say yes, because he has to talk to his chair (my former professor who recommended I speak with him) because apparently all new faculty are kept in the dark about committee protocol for their first year. I explained to him a little bit about the way committees work in my department. He said it shouldn't be a problem, because I don't really need him in any official capacity until the summer, and by then he will have been there a year. I have a good feeling about it all. He is a very positive and easy-going guy, and I appreciate his energy and enthusiasm. I know there are some drawbacks to having a new person, but there are clearly advantages as well. So, even though he didn't give me a "yes," I am optimistic that soon another piece of the puzzle will fall into place. Yay me!
TMH's visit this weekend. Yep, he is coming to visit, since he couldn't last weekend because of his illness. It will be great to see him. Unfortunately I am waiting for him now. He should have been here already, but of course he didn't get to leave work as early as he had planned, so he won't get in until late.
I am not so excited about:
My teaching. I have to refresh and renew my energy with the students. Lately I have been accused of being a bit angry. Maybe my patience is starting to go- after all, I've been working with a very similar group for quite some time now. And, to be honest, I AM annoyed with them, because they are still in my class! So, I have to figure out how to channel my annoyance into a positive motivation strategy. I think I can do it- the students know I mean well, at least. Regardless of the issues, I will say that I am teaching at the perfect time. Win some, lose some, you know?
I am not so sure about:
Changes at work. The reason for one of my long days this week was a work meeting at 8 am in which major restructuring was officially announced. For now I think it is a positive change. The incompetent director (my boss's boss) is out. It seems that for now my job is safe. We'll see what happens when they bring on new leadership in the summer. I am not sure how much longer I will need my job, but it would be nice to have the option of it next year, for sure. We'll just have to see how these changes play out.
My teeth. Somehow in all this brouhaha I went to get fitted for a mouth guard. I am not convinced I am getting the right thing and I continue to worry about my teeth. I really wish I could have done it at my dad's, with the trustworthy dentist. We'll see.
My car. I also managed to take it in to get fixed this week, but I still don't have it back! I took it in on Monday! At this point it doesn't matter because TMH is coming and he can use my parking spot and drive us where we need to go, but jeez. They assure me it will be ready by noon on Monday, and everything will be perfect. It also somehow isn't costing me an arm and a leg. Once again, we'll see.
Happy Friday, everyone!
Friday, January 18, 2008
I'm back in the saddle again...
Argh, what a terrible song. I can just hear him extending the BACK. Sorry.... I couldn't resist.
Let me revert to list format to cover the events since my last post, some good, some not so good.
1. I went to the big city for TMH's birthday and got to see a good friend. We had an amazing time, though apparently we didn't sleep enough and tried to do too many things (we actually went to 2 parties on TMH's birthday- I have never had to meet some many people all at once, ever) because now we are both sick. It was an amazing weekend, though. I even got to visit the original Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger. They were happy to see me.
2. On Tuesday I packed up car and cat, said goodbye to my mom and started the LONG journey north. All was going amazingly well until I ran into an unexpected freak snowstorm. My car skidded on a curve on the interstate and I slid right off the road into a ditch. I don't think I need to explain how scared I was. I just kept thinking "don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree," because that would have been the end of my car. I miraculously did not hit a tree, or anything else for that matter, and everything was fine except that I was stuck in the ditch (I am so lucky there was a ditch. Clearly hitting a barricade might have been worse than hitting a tree). I called AAA to come tow me out, they came in 5 minutes and everything was seemingly fine- I was ready to get back to my drive as if nothing had happened. Before the tow truck driver left, though, he told me there was a 20 car pile up on the road ahead. CRAP. So, let me say again that I am grateful I slid off the road into a ditch because I am convinced I would have been part of that 20 car pile up. Did I mention the snowstorm came out of nowhere? So, that meant that I was stuck there for another 2 hours (it takes a long time to clear a 20 car pile up, you know). Then I continued on my drive, and was mostly ok (the freak snowstorm suddenly ended and it was sunny and dry for quite a while) except towards the end of the trip when it started to get snowy again and I was convinced I had already used up my good luck. (Did I mention I need new tires? I am taking my car in on Monday). I finally made it back- let me say I have never been so grateful to be here in all my life. My cat was pretty grateful too- can you believe she spent 12 hours in the car with me, didn't cry and didn't make a mess? She must have known not to send me over the edge. And I did realize that this is "home," at least for now.
3. I got sick. I never get sick. It's understandable, though, given the nature of my weekend and then the helatiousness of my drive.
4. I went up to school on Wednesday to get organized and meet my advisor. While I did get a bit organized, my advisor didn't show up. At that time I realized I was really sick so I went home and went to bed. I slept almost all of Wednesday afternoon and then Wednesday night.
5. I went up to school again on Thursday to get even more organized and try to meet my advisor again. This time he showed up and we had a good, albeit anxiety-inducing meeting. I am just nervous because of all the things that have to fall into place for things to work out for me, but I am on the right track. I have my courses set for the semester and I know what I have to do. I will mention my frustration though- despite at least 3 emails from me (two with the attachment) with specific questions about parts of my proposal, he had not read it. He didn't even try to pretend. HMMM. The sad thing is, I wasn't surprised.
6. I made an appointment to meet with the other potential committee member. Unlike my advisor, he did give me some feedback fairly quickly. I think I should be able to convince him to be on my committee, resolving at least some of the uncertainty facing the future of my PhD.
7. I made an appointment to go to the dentist next week. I can't get my occlusion guard soon enough. I'm having nightmares about losing all my teeth.
8. I cleaned, did laundry, organized and in all other ways refreshed my apartment for 2008. It was therapeutic. It's so nice to be back in my apartment. My mom got me a new duvet cover for Christmas and it really brightens up my bedroom. Yay for a fresh start!
9. TMH was going to come see me this weekend since he has Monday off but now he's not since we're both still sick. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the drive. Boo. I know it's the responsible thing to do- we both have to get better. He said this way we can have more fun next weekend. Ok. Being responsible is kind of sad sometimes, though. Lonely, for sure.
But, all told, it's good to be home!
Let me revert to list format to cover the events since my last post, some good, some not so good.
1. I went to the big city for TMH's birthday and got to see a good friend. We had an amazing time, though apparently we didn't sleep enough and tried to do too many things (we actually went to 2 parties on TMH's birthday- I have never had to meet some many people all at once, ever) because now we are both sick. It was an amazing weekend, though. I even got to visit the original Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger. They were happy to see me.
2. On Tuesday I packed up car and cat, said goodbye to my mom and started the LONG journey north. All was going amazingly well until I ran into an unexpected freak snowstorm. My car skidded on a curve on the interstate and I slid right off the road into a ditch. I don't think I need to explain how scared I was. I just kept thinking "don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree," because that would have been the end of my car. I miraculously did not hit a tree, or anything else for that matter, and everything was fine except that I was stuck in the ditch (I am so lucky there was a ditch. Clearly hitting a barricade might have been worse than hitting a tree). I called AAA to come tow me out, they came in 5 minutes and everything was seemingly fine- I was ready to get back to my drive as if nothing had happened. Before the tow truck driver left, though, he told me there was a 20 car pile up on the road ahead. CRAP. So, let me say again that I am grateful I slid off the road into a ditch because I am convinced I would have been part of that 20 car pile up. Did I mention the snowstorm came out of nowhere? So, that meant that I was stuck there for another 2 hours (it takes a long time to clear a 20 car pile up, you know). Then I continued on my drive, and was mostly ok (the freak snowstorm suddenly ended and it was sunny and dry for quite a while) except towards the end of the trip when it started to get snowy again and I was convinced I had already used up my good luck. (Did I mention I need new tires? I am taking my car in on Monday). I finally made it back- let me say I have never been so grateful to be here in all my life. My cat was pretty grateful too- can you believe she spent 12 hours in the car with me, didn't cry and didn't make a mess? She must have known not to send me over the edge. And I did realize that this is "home," at least for now.
3. I got sick. I never get sick. It's understandable, though, given the nature of my weekend and then the helatiousness of my drive.
4. I went up to school on Wednesday to get organized and meet my advisor. While I did get a bit organized, my advisor didn't show up. At that time I realized I was really sick so I went home and went to bed. I slept almost all of Wednesday afternoon and then Wednesday night.
5. I went up to school again on Thursday to get even more organized and try to meet my advisor again. This time he showed up and we had a good, albeit anxiety-inducing meeting. I am just nervous because of all the things that have to fall into place for things to work out for me, but I am on the right track. I have my courses set for the semester and I know what I have to do. I will mention my frustration though- despite at least 3 emails from me (two with the attachment) with specific questions about parts of my proposal, he had not read it. He didn't even try to pretend. HMMM. The sad thing is, I wasn't surprised.
6. I made an appointment to meet with the other potential committee member. Unlike my advisor, he did give me some feedback fairly quickly. I think I should be able to convince him to be on my committee, resolving at least some of the uncertainty facing the future of my PhD.
7. I made an appointment to go to the dentist next week. I can't get my occlusion guard soon enough. I'm having nightmares about losing all my teeth.
8. I cleaned, did laundry, organized and in all other ways refreshed my apartment for 2008. It was therapeutic. It's so nice to be back in my apartment. My mom got me a new duvet cover for Christmas and it really brightens up my bedroom. Yay for a fresh start!
9. TMH was going to come see me this weekend since he has Monday off but now he's not since we're both still sick. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the drive. Boo. I know it's the responsible thing to do- we both have to get better. He said this way we can have more fun next weekend. Ok. Being responsible is kind of sad sometimes, though. Lonely, for sure.
But, all told, it's good to be home!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Obstacles
Or, obstaculos, if you will. Lots have come up in the past few days.
Some take the form of ordinary, annoying things, like going to the dentist. Oh, wait, PMP, why haven't you been to the dentist in the past 2 years? Because I am a poor student. But, haven't you been on vacation and done other things? Yes, but those were important, and I have good teeth. OH. Priorities, right? Now I find out I have 3 small cavities, and the only filling I already had needed to be replaced. CRAP. Why, you might ask? Because I have been grinding my teeth so much that I have worn away enamel and poked holes in them and nearly cracked my tooth with the existing filling. I only vaguely knew I was doing it ( it's a sleep disorder)- TMH told me about it. He does it so badly that he wakes up with bad headaches and had to buy an expensive mouth (oclusion) guard while I smugly listened and tried to be sympathetic and thought about my great teeth. I had no symptoms so I was skeptical of his claims that I grind. HMMM. Good thing I paid a little bit of attention, though, because apparently it's really bad and I've done a lot of damage. I know this is riveting topic, right? But it's symbolic of my week. I suddenly need to get 4 fillings and make plans to get an oclusion guard, right away. Let me just say that I had no wear on my teeth 2 years ago- no evidence of any grinding. What have I been doing for the past 2 years? HMMM. Real proof that grad school is stressful, in case anyone was in doubt. Paying for all of these things is really fun, too.
My trip to the dentist comes as a side benefit of visiting my dad. Coming here brings up lots of issues that I won't go into on this forum. I guess anyone who has an ex-stepfamily should expect issues. Visiting brings up some emotional baggage for me (to say the least) though I wonder whether you can call it baggage when some of it is new. I will say that his 60th birthday was a big success. Yay for that! 60 years ago today, my dad was born in a far away land, in the middle of nowhere, and look at where he ended up. In any case, his story is really amazing, and I am glad I was able to be here for his big day.
There are other obstacles... (most of them about my anxiety for the coming semester as I try to make plans):
Some take the form of ordinary, annoying things, like going to the dentist. Oh, wait, PMP, why haven't you been to the dentist in the past 2 years? Because I am a poor student. But, haven't you been on vacation and done other things? Yes, but those were important, and I have good teeth. OH. Priorities, right? Now I find out I have 3 small cavities, and the only filling I already had needed to be replaced. CRAP. Why, you might ask? Because I have been grinding my teeth so much that I have worn away enamel and poked holes in them and nearly cracked my tooth with the existing filling. I only vaguely knew I was doing it ( it's a sleep disorder)- TMH told me about it. He does it so badly that he wakes up with bad headaches and had to buy an expensive mouth (oclusion) guard while I smugly listened and tried to be sympathetic and thought about my great teeth. I had no symptoms so I was skeptical of his claims that I grind. HMMM. Good thing I paid a little bit of attention, though, because apparently it's really bad and I've done a lot of damage. I know this is riveting topic, right? But it's symbolic of my week. I suddenly need to get 4 fillings and make plans to get an oclusion guard, right away. Let me just say that I had no wear on my teeth 2 years ago- no evidence of any grinding. What have I been doing for the past 2 years? HMMM. Real proof that grad school is stressful, in case anyone was in doubt. Paying for all of these things is really fun, too.
My trip to the dentist comes as a side benefit of visiting my dad. Coming here brings up lots of issues that I won't go into on this forum. I guess anyone who has an ex-stepfamily should expect issues. Visiting brings up some emotional baggage for me (to say the least) though I wonder whether you can call it baggage when some of it is new. I will say that his 60th birthday was a big success. Yay for that! 60 years ago today, my dad was born in a far away land, in the middle of nowhere, and look at where he ended up. In any case, his story is really amazing, and I am glad I was able to be here for his big day.
There are other obstacles... (most of them about my anxiety for the coming semester as I try to make plans):
- The fact that the professor who said no to being on my committee recently said she wouldn't meet with me next week to go over the proposal I wrote for her class- that sucks (can I take it as a slap in the face?) because I thought of it as the last thing she owed me as my professor... and now she is no longer my professor and I really wanted her input. She seems to have completely washed her hands of me...
- Realizing that no faculty at school would care if I dropped out (my boss would probably be the most upset, because who would do the work?), and worrying about my ability to get 3 professors in a room together, much less come up with a sound, workable project (I think I have the beginnings of one, but how will I know if I don't get any feedback?)....
- Finances as I try to figure out how to pay for the dentist AND new tires (my teeth and my car are both fairly central to my life) as I worry about the long drive I have ahead of me...
- The emotions that come up from being around my family and in my various "homes." (That word home is very confusing, by the way). I think it would be best for me to think of school as my home, but that's hard because it's inherently transient. The fact that TMH lives elsewhere complicates matters, too. Let me just say that spending almost a month away is a real luxury but it's also a bit disorienting and unsettling. More than a bit, at this point.
So, tomorrow I am headed back up north to celebrate TMH's birthday (and I get to see a good friend who understands, thank goodness), and then things will get back to "normal," or however they might be when I get back to school. I will have to do all I can to keep a level head through this transition. As I said before (let me remind myself) 2008 will be a big year so clearly it will not be without challenges.
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