Obstacles

Or, obstaculos, if you will. Lots have come up in the past few days.

Some take the form of ordinary, annoying things, like going to the dentist. Oh, wait, PMP, why haven't you been to the dentist in the past 2 years? Because I am a poor student. But, haven't you been on vacation and done other things? Yes, but those were important, and I have good teeth. OH. Priorities, right? Now I find out I have 3 small cavities, and the only filling I already had needed to be replaced. CRAP. Why, you might ask? Because I have been grinding my teeth so much that I have worn away enamel and poked holes in them and nearly cracked my tooth with the existing filling. I only vaguely knew I was doing it ( it's a sleep disorder)- TMH told me about it. He does it so badly that he wakes up with bad headaches and had to buy an expensive mouth (oclusion) guard while I smugly listened and tried to be sympathetic and thought about my great teeth. I had no symptoms so I was skeptical of his claims that I grind. HMMM. Good thing I paid a little bit of attention, though, because apparently it's really bad and I've done a lot of damage. I know this is riveting topic, right? But it's symbolic of my week. I suddenly need to get 4 fillings and make plans to get an oclusion guard, right away. Let me just say that I had no wear on my teeth 2 years ago- no evidence of any grinding. What have I been doing for the past 2 years? HMMM. Real proof that grad school is stressful, in case anyone was in doubt. Paying for all of these things is really fun, too.

My trip to the dentist comes as a side benefit of visiting my dad. Coming here brings up lots of issues that I won't go into on this forum. I guess anyone who has an ex-stepfamily should expect issues. Visiting brings up some emotional baggage for me (to say the least) though I wonder whether you can call it baggage when some of it is new. I will say that his 60th birthday was a big success. Yay for that! 60 years ago today, my dad was born in a far away land, in the middle of nowhere, and look at where he ended up. In any case, his story is really amazing, and I am glad I was able to be here for his big day.

There are other obstacles... (most of them about my anxiety for the coming semester as I try to make plans):

• The fact that the professor who said no to being on my committee recently said she wouldn't meet with me next week to go over the proposal I wrote for her class- that sucks (can I take it as a slap in the face?) because I thought of it as the last thing she owed me as my professor... and now she is no longer my professor and I really wanted her input. She seems to have completely washed her hands of me...
• Realizing that no faculty at school would care if I dropped out (my boss would probably be the most upset, because who would do the work?), and worrying about my ability to get 3 professors in a room together, much less come up with a sound, workable project (I think I have the beginnings of one, but how will I know if I don't get any feedback?)....
• Finances as I try to figure out how to pay for the dentist AND new tires (my teeth and my car are both fairly central to my life) as I worry about the long drive I have ahead of me...
• The emotions that come up from being around my family and in my various "homes." (That word home is very confusing, by the way). I think it would be best for me to think of school as my home, but that's hard because it's inherently transient. The fact that TMH lives elsewhere complicates matters, too. Let me just say that spending almost a month away is a real luxury but it's also a bit disorienting and unsettling. More than a bit, at this point.

So, tomorrow I am headed back up north to celebrate TMH's birthday (and I get to see a good friend who understands, thank goodness), and then things will get back to "normal," or however they might be when I get back to school. I will have to do all I can to keep a level head through this transition. As I said before (let me remind myself) 2008 will be a big year so clearly it will not be without challenges.