One of my main lessons this year was that this is the most important question for a grad student. I have never spent so much time trying to articulate a problem. Problems. Writing a problem statement seems like it should be easy. My current task is to reduce nine pages of ideas into a tight paragraph. Who knew how valuable one measly paragraph could be? One question, even. Never before had I realized that every word must be justified, every term clearly defined, every nuance explained. Gone are the days of just writing what sounds good and makes sense. And, to make matters worse, your problem says everything about you. Where you situate yourself... how important you are... it's a lot of pressure! You think I'm exaggerating.
In the end it's all a little bit ridiculous, as TMH would say. It is kind of funny, though. Picture lots of grad students running around stressed about figuring out our problems. (e.g.:"I just don't know what my problem is!") And, once we have them clearly articulated, we are expected to write them on the wall, tape them on mirrors, put them under our pillows, carry them around with us- do whatever it takes- so that everything we think about revolves around that problem ALL THE TIME. Crazy academics.
Hmm.... maybe my problem is that it's after midnight, I have to teach in the morning, I haven't quite finished my problem statement, and I am writing this instead! Good night.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Monday's Splinters
It's the last week of school! Unbelievable. It is Monday, which is never a good thing, but at least it is sunny. The arrival of warm weather helps a lot.
I am a little nervous about everything this week. You might think it's a simple process of just figuring out what I need to do and doing it. Continuing on the tree metaphor... it seems like grad students are expected to stand around, gradually chipping away at the tree. Sometimes someone is standing there, telling you how to do it, or telling you everything you are doing wrong as you do it, so you feel completely incompetent. Other times, no one is there and you think you are doing great on your own, until that person comes by and says, "Yikes, no! What are doing?" Then you have to put part of the tree back and start again, feeling even more defeated. You probably got a splinter or two in the process. Other times you simply have no idea.. and you have to pretend that you do. I suppose it's that way with most things, right?
Now I have a professor who is very well-known. He is also quite arrogant and direct. So, when he gives me advice it's almost like he's showing off. He doesn't need to do that. I already know he is well-known and brilliant. His job with me is to help me learn from him. Instead I am constantly intimidated, again feeling completely inadequate. I wish professors came with a guidebook- so we could all get the most out of our interactions with them. Guessing games and intimidation do not really work well for me....
I am a little nervous about everything this week. You might think it's a simple process of just figuring out what I need to do and doing it. Continuing on the tree metaphor... it seems like grad students are expected to stand around, gradually chipping away at the tree. Sometimes someone is standing there, telling you how to do it, or telling you everything you are doing wrong as you do it, so you feel completely incompetent. Other times, no one is there and you think you are doing great on your own, until that person comes by and says, "Yikes, no! What are doing?" Then you have to put part of the tree back and start again, feeling even more defeated. You probably got a splinter or two in the process. Other times you simply have no idea.. and you have to pretend that you do. I suppose it's that way with most things, right?
Now I have a professor who is very well-known. He is also quite arrogant and direct. So, when he gives me advice it's almost like he's showing off. He doesn't need to do that. I already know he is well-known and brilliant. His job with me is to help me learn from him. Instead I am constantly intimidated, again feeling completely inadequate. I wish professors came with a guidebook- so we could all get the most out of our interactions with them. Guessing games and intimidation do not really work well for me....
Sunday, April 29, 2007
The Big Tree
This picture is representative of my current perspective on graduate student life. (TMH took it last month when we went on a hiking adventure in Washington state). It's like there is a big thing in the way and I have to get around it. I feel that way about a paper I am writing at the moment. I wish there was a way I could just tunnel through it. I don't know whether going UNDER the tree was symbolic of my attitude or not- in this case, it was just the best way to get by.
A New Blog
So, it's Sunday night and there are only 2 weeks left of the semester. I have SO much to do, but as per usual I am in denial/procrastination mode. So, what do I decide to do??? Create a Blog. Hmmm.
I have been threatening to do this for a while. My cousin has one- a good friend has one- and another friend with a new baby has one.
My cousin's I can understand. She lives in Australia and is not worried about people stalking her.
My good friend is anonymous on her's- and plus, she's a writer.
The other one is about a baby. Of course we all want to see the baby grow up- and this way she can avoid sending all of us email all the time to keep us up to date. It's much more efficient, really.
But do people really want to read about what I might be thinking about?
I decided I would do it, though, because I like to write about things. Good thing I am getting my Ph.D. Do you think I will actually be able to finish it? You might think the odds aren't so good, given the obvious presence of denial/procrastination mode and now the new blogging project.
I am reading a book right now called Julie and Julia (yes, I read things other than academic articles, another red flag. Grad students are not supposed to do such things)- about a woman who created a blog and challenged herself to cook all the recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I am not that crazy, and I don't cook. How about mastering the art of feeding yourself every night?? I do want to finish my Ph.D., though. So maybe... see if you want to accompany me as I navigate the complexities of graduate student life. Hey, I am almost done with my first year of coursework....
I have been threatening to do this for a while. My cousin has one- a good friend has one- and another friend with a new baby has one.
My cousin's I can understand. She lives in Australia and is not worried about people stalking her.
My good friend is anonymous on her's- and plus, she's a writer.
The other one is about a baby. Of course we all want to see the baby grow up- and this way she can avoid sending all of us email all the time to keep us up to date. It's much more efficient, really.
But do people really want to read about what I might be thinking about?
I decided I would do it, though, because I like to write about things. Good thing I am getting my Ph.D. Do you think I will actually be able to finish it? You might think the odds aren't so good, given the obvious presence of denial/procrastination mode and now the new blogging project.
I am reading a book right now called Julie and Julia (yes, I read things other than academic articles, another red flag. Grad students are not supposed to do such things)- about a woman who created a blog and challenged herself to cook all the recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I am not that crazy, and I don't cook. How about mastering the art of feeding yourself every night?? I do want to finish my Ph.D., though. So maybe... see if you want to accompany me as I navigate the complexities of graduate student life. Hey, I am almost done with my first year of coursework....
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