Well, here we are the start of the new year, and the decade (I know, a little late, but I'm still catching up) and it's time to take stock of things.
Important events of 2009:
1. I got married. Lots of important things go with this one (both the wedding and the marriage), especially the visit of my Aussie relatives. Amazing, amazing times!
2. I got a Master's degree (I continuously am confused as to why I am on the alumni list; I have to remind myself that I DID get a degree from that school this year!) and moved on to the final (HUGE) step of my PhD program.
3. I quit my job of 5 years and moved in with TMH.
4. I started working at another university. Some people think it's a pretty good university...
Clearly it was a big year, both personally and professionally.
My main professional concerns at the moment, which impact my potential for success in 2010:
1. My advisor won't give me any feedback. I haven't gotten any feedback from him since I've been here, despite occasional assurance that he'll get to it "soon". I am planning a visit right now. I had hoped for a visit that would include productive meetings about the chapters I've written; instead I will likely have to settle for a "please remember me" visit. Out of sight, out of mind, they say.... and it was never more true.
2. Writing. I need to keep writing, despite the lack of feedback or assurance that I am on the right track. It's getting harder and harder to do that. I am still on the timeline I made (and shared with my committee last fall). I have to stay on it. Graduation chances are still holding strong, but I fear that concern #1 really has the potential to do me in.
3. Work. Things ended with my current "pilot" job as well as could be expected last semester. I met with deans, heard great things, talked about future amazing opportunities, etc. But there is no guarantee that any of that will come to fruition. I have to focus on my dissertation concerns right now... what happens, happens with this job. If it turns out, excellent! If not, on to other possibilities. The good news is that I am teaching again this semester, and that I may be doing a bit more than I did last semester... and I continue to hear words like "we don't want to lose you." Now if it weren't for this damn financial crisis I think I would have no worries... they "just need funding." So, we'll see. No other jobs are coming up right now, but I am ready for them when they do. I know that it's all going to work out, one way or another.
4. Isolation. Let's face it, I have to fight this one with all I've got. Yes, it's hard not to have a real office, to be away from my grad school support network, to be dealing with such uncertainty. It's all up to me, though. I either let myself get isolated or I don't. So I choose don't! TMH doesn't want to be married to a hermit, so for all of our sakes, I will get myself to the library, get myself out of the house, talk to people and get stuff done.
So, I have my work cut out for me. Personally, I feel really blessed and lucky right now. I know you have to enjoy the happy times while you have them... so I will do my best to do that! Of course I worry about my mom, and it's hard not to stress about my dissertation and the future, though I really do know that things are going to work out one way or another. "How will it? I don't know, it's a mystery." Life is always in motion, which leads me to my resolutions for myself this year:
1. Take things one at a time
2. Write
3. Manage insecurities and build confidence
4. Worry less and/or manage anxiety
5. Get involved in the community/ make friends/ try to feel more settled in myself
It's a tall order, but I know I can do it. Stay tuned.
Showing posts with label New Year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Year. Show all posts
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Reentry
I'm back! And I have a lot to talk about, somehow.
It's 2010, for one. Holy! How did that happen? Happy New Year!
Well, and I obviously have to talk about our fantastic honeymoon. Woo-hoo, it was amazing, amazing, amazing. Just fantastic. Getting back was totally disorienting, which to me is really the sign of a great vacation. We completely unplugged for 10 days. Pure bliss. Even when we both got colds and it rained for two days we were happy. I'll write more about it and post some pictures soon.
And I have to talk about other things going on in my life right now (including some resolutions), as I reflect on the state of things at the start of a new decade.
I'll talk about all of the above topics in my coming posts. For now let me talk seriously about our actual reentry.
We got in late, late, late Friday night, or early Saturday morning (3 am) I should say. We were supposed to get home at 11:00 pm. Leaving Costa Rica was uneventful, but our time in Miami was a complete shit show, as TMH would say. Clearly entering the U.S. on a plane right now is not the easiest thing to do, and Miami is so chaotic you almost feel like you are still in Central America. We navigated the insanity and they hurried us on to our connecting flight home. We get on the plane and there are people in our seats. Turns out they were in our seats because there were people in their seats. Well, you know how TMH likes things to be in order... he starts calmly explaining that everyone needs to sit in their assigned seats, at least until all the passengers are on the plane. I watched him lose his patience bit by bit; the whole problem started because one guy wanted to sit with his sick aunt who didn't speak English, and he would not be dissuaded... he would not move, and was not reacting well to TMH telling him what to do. Finally I got the flight attendant; at this point we had created a scene and blocked the aisle for enough time. She sorted it out; the sick aunt was actually in the wrong seat herself, and we all finally settled down, and then guess what happened? We sat on the plane for 2.5 hours while they dealt with maintenance issues. The pilot came on as soon as we were all seated and said he knew there was a problem with the deicing valve, and we would be needing the deicing valve, considering that it was snowing at our destination. Yes, Mr. Pilot, we would like a plane with a working deicing valve. So why did they board us if they knew we had a problem? We watched a whole movie in their attempt to keep the peace (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs... worst movie ever...) waiting at the gate, always with the announcement that they would have more information in 10 minutes. Also, for added intrigue, most of the people on our plane seemed kind of shady (which shouldn't surprise you given our experience trying to sit down), which was compounded by the fact that many did not speak English. OK. I know, stereotype (and my speciality- hello, my dissertation research is about how non-native English speakers are perceived), but after our crazy time in the Miami airport, honestly, we were a bit done with chaos. Finally, after 2.5 hours they fixed the plane, and the proper deicing valve was properly installed, and we start to move away from the gate when a guy gets up to go to the bathroom! A very black, black, black skinned man wearing a hood that was covering his face. Hello! I thought we were done. I was convinced. A flight attendant made an announcement about how we should all be seated with our seat belts fastened. The guy kept walking. The plane stopped and a flight attendant approached him. He then went back to his seat. The poor guy probably just wasn't paying attention after such a long wait (and may not have understood English) but really. We were lucky. After that the flight was uneventful... they even showed us another movie. We land safely, get to baggage claim and wait an hour and a half. Despite the posted claim area, our bags come off different carousels. Seriously? TMH and I travel together all day and his bag shows up at the opposite end of baggage claim from mine. But, we got our bags, we were safe, we get in a cab, and guess what? The cabbie doesn't know where we live. But instead of telling us he doesn't know he takes us for a ride. At this point, as you might imagine, TMH is really ready to blow. We end up getting dropped off three blocks from our house because he had had enough... and we dragged our stuff the rest of the way in the freezing cold (we'd left balmy CR for this, really?) Welcome back to the U.S.
Despite this rather colorful tale, it is good to be home. We have spent the past two days sleeping and getting our feet under us. Realizing that we're back to real life now, and there are things to do. It was really smart to come back on a Friday! TMH and I are happy and close and things are excellent. I feel ready to face the year. I just know it's going to be a great one. It will not be a year without its challenges, but it's going to be a great year. Stay tuned.
It's 2010, for one. Holy! How did that happen? Happy New Year!
Well, and I obviously have to talk about our fantastic honeymoon. Woo-hoo, it was amazing, amazing, amazing. Just fantastic. Getting back was totally disorienting, which to me is really the sign of a great vacation. We completely unplugged for 10 days. Pure bliss. Even when we both got colds and it rained for two days we were happy. I'll write more about it and post some pictures soon.
And I have to talk about other things going on in my life right now (including some resolutions), as I reflect on the state of things at the start of a new decade.
I'll talk about all of the above topics in my coming posts. For now let me talk seriously about our actual reentry.
We got in late, late, late Friday night, or early Saturday morning (3 am) I should say. We were supposed to get home at 11:00 pm. Leaving Costa Rica was uneventful, but our time in Miami was a complete shit show, as TMH would say. Clearly entering the U.S. on a plane right now is not the easiest thing to do, and Miami is so chaotic you almost feel like you are still in Central America. We navigated the insanity and they hurried us on to our connecting flight home. We get on the plane and there are people in our seats. Turns out they were in our seats because there were people in their seats. Well, you know how TMH likes things to be in order... he starts calmly explaining that everyone needs to sit in their assigned seats, at least until all the passengers are on the plane. I watched him lose his patience bit by bit; the whole problem started because one guy wanted to sit with his sick aunt who didn't speak English, and he would not be dissuaded... he would not move, and was not reacting well to TMH telling him what to do. Finally I got the flight attendant; at this point we had created a scene and blocked the aisle for enough time. She sorted it out; the sick aunt was actually in the wrong seat herself, and we all finally settled down, and then guess what happened? We sat on the plane for 2.5 hours while they dealt with maintenance issues. The pilot came on as soon as we were all seated and said he knew there was a problem with the deicing valve, and we would be needing the deicing valve, considering that it was snowing at our destination. Yes, Mr. Pilot, we would like a plane with a working deicing valve. So why did they board us if they knew we had a problem? We watched a whole movie in their attempt to keep the peace (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs... worst movie ever...) waiting at the gate, always with the announcement that they would have more information in 10 minutes. Also, for added intrigue, most of the people on our plane seemed kind of shady (which shouldn't surprise you given our experience trying to sit down), which was compounded by the fact that many did not speak English. OK. I know, stereotype (and my speciality- hello, my dissertation research is about how non-native English speakers are perceived), but after our crazy time in the Miami airport, honestly, we were a bit done with chaos. Finally, after 2.5 hours they fixed the plane, and the proper deicing valve was properly installed, and we start to move away from the gate when a guy gets up to go to the bathroom! A very black, black, black skinned man wearing a hood that was covering his face. Hello! I thought we were done. I was convinced. A flight attendant made an announcement about how we should all be seated with our seat belts fastened. The guy kept walking. The plane stopped and a flight attendant approached him. He then went back to his seat. The poor guy probably just wasn't paying attention after such a long wait (and may not have understood English) but really. We were lucky. After that the flight was uneventful... they even showed us another movie. We land safely, get to baggage claim and wait an hour and a half. Despite the posted claim area, our bags come off different carousels. Seriously? TMH and I travel together all day and his bag shows up at the opposite end of baggage claim from mine. But, we got our bags, we were safe, we get in a cab, and guess what? The cabbie doesn't know where we live. But instead of telling us he doesn't know he takes us for a ride. At this point, as you might imagine, TMH is really ready to blow. We end up getting dropped off three blocks from our house because he had had enough... and we dragged our stuff the rest of the way in the freezing cold (we'd left balmy CR for this, really?) Welcome back to the U.S.
Despite this rather colorful tale, it is good to be home. We have spent the past two days sleeping and getting our feet under us. Realizing that we're back to real life now, and there are things to do. It was really smart to come back on a Friday! TMH and I are happy and close and things are excellent. I feel ready to face the year. I just know it's going to be a great one. It will not be a year without its challenges, but it's going to be a great year. Stay tuned.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Out with the old....
1. Insecurities. They seem to be rearing their heads more and more in the wedding planning process. I am not an event person, but I am excited to be getting married, and I am confident that I will do it in a way that will be true to me. It doesn't matter if others do not like my choices. They are my choices. What matters is that I approve of them. This goes for all my fears about my family as well. I can only control my decisions and my behavior- not what anyone else wants me to do. Of course this is tempered by how much I care about my friends and family, and my fears of alienating them. I just have to go with the confidence that the people who love me will understand. When it comes down to it, it will be great to bring so many important people together. The wedding is going to be wonderful.... and a lot of fun!
2. Worries and Anxieties. This makes me laugh. How many of you think I can do away with my anxiety in 2009? I am known to be a bit of a fretter. Given how much change and uncertainty is already planned for the year, I have a feeling I will have a hard time keeping this under wraps. I know it's not about elimination, though, it's about management. I am prepared to handle everything coming towards me right now. I will do my best to handle it well. Let's face it, the things coming towards me that are scary are all mostly positive things: my dissertation proposal defense and data collection (Clearly essential steps on my PhD path), my move in with TMH (Also clearly essential to my future marriage and plans for happiness. Much of my current stress comes from us living separately. I know moving in will be a big adjustment for both of us, and me moving away from the town that has been my home and a critical part of my life for the past 5 years is no small matter. But it's time.), my wedding (Exciting!), my marriage, leaving my job, changes at work, etc. (How positive some of these things may be is unclear at the moment!)
And in with the new...
1. Confidence. See above. I am prepared to do what I need to do. I am lucky to be doing so many exciting things. I can do it!
---
I am in limbo now. It's sort of still vacation time for me, but I need to work this week. I need to work, and see my parents, and manage my stress surrounding my imminent proposal defense. Since I did not get feedback from my advisor until Christmas Eve, I haven't made much progress. The good news is, he had some helpful suggestions and they shouldn't take TOO much time. I am confident that by the end of day tomorrow I will have a decent (updated) draft to send to my committee.
The holidays were nice. First, I got to spend some time with my mom and see some old friends. My mom is doing well, though she is definitely getting older. I have to make myself be patient... I just don't want her to be older. I got to see some good friends, and remember where I come from, if that makes any sense. I think sometimes I forget that there are people who have known me for a LONG time out there. It's nice to be reminded. I ordered my wedding dress, which was actually a big moment when insecurities came out, surprisingly! It somehow wasn't enough for me that I wanted the dress; I got too worried about what others might think. I am excited about the dress! Out with those insecurities! It was the first one I tried on, the first one I loved, the one I had been eyeing for weeks. I think it's me, and it's beautiful.
I also got to spend a full week with TMH. We went on a ski vacation, which was awesome, despite the frigid temperatures. I thought cold was cold until we experienced frostbite warnings and a mostly empty ski resort. If the pros are not willing to brave the temps, it must be bad, right? We did get to do some skiing, and just hang out, though, which was really what we needed to do. It was a nice way to ring in 2009. We also did a bit of wedding planning, which made us feel a bit better, I think. You all know how TMH loves his spreadsheets. At least we are really doing this in a collaborative way. We are both about to get pretty busy with life again, so it's nice to be clear from my project manager ;-) about what aspects of the wedding planning I should focus on when I need to take a break from my work.
So, that's my update for now. I am sitting in TMH's apartment, about to go to the airport to head back to my mom's. I'll work and go see my dad this week (who was just offered a job on the other side of the world. Big news!), and then I'll head back up to my "real" life on the weekend. I can do it! Out with the old, and in with the new, they say. Though let's not forget that some of the old was good. 2008 was a pretty terrific year for me, and I can only expect that 2009 will be as well. But why do the holidays always go by so quickly?! I think that was the cry heard round the country this morning.
Happy 2009, everyone!
2. Worries and Anxieties. This makes me laugh. How many of you think I can do away with my anxiety in 2009? I am known to be a bit of a fretter. Given how much change and uncertainty is already planned for the year, I have a feeling I will have a hard time keeping this under wraps. I know it's not about elimination, though, it's about management. I am prepared to handle everything coming towards me right now. I will do my best to handle it well. Let's face it, the things coming towards me that are scary are all mostly positive things: my dissertation proposal defense and data collection (Clearly essential steps on my PhD path), my move in with TMH (Also clearly essential to my future marriage and plans for happiness. Much of my current stress comes from us living separately. I know moving in will be a big adjustment for both of us, and me moving away from the town that has been my home and a critical part of my life for the past 5 years is no small matter. But it's time.), my wedding (Exciting!), my marriage, leaving my job, changes at work, etc. (How positive some of these things may be is unclear at the moment!)
And in with the new...
1. Confidence. See above. I am prepared to do what I need to do. I am lucky to be doing so many exciting things. I can do it!
---
I am in limbo now. It's sort of still vacation time for me, but I need to work this week. I need to work, and see my parents, and manage my stress surrounding my imminent proposal defense. Since I did not get feedback from my advisor until Christmas Eve, I haven't made much progress. The good news is, he had some helpful suggestions and they shouldn't take TOO much time. I am confident that by the end of day tomorrow I will have a decent (updated) draft to send to my committee.
The holidays were nice. First, I got to spend some time with my mom and see some old friends. My mom is doing well, though she is definitely getting older. I have to make myself be patient... I just don't want her to be older. I got to see some good friends, and remember where I come from, if that makes any sense. I think sometimes I forget that there are people who have known me for a LONG time out there. It's nice to be reminded. I ordered my wedding dress, which was actually a big moment when insecurities came out, surprisingly! It somehow wasn't enough for me that I wanted the dress; I got too worried about what others might think. I am excited about the dress! Out with those insecurities! It was the first one I tried on, the first one I loved, the one I had been eyeing for weeks. I think it's me, and it's beautiful.
I also got to spend a full week with TMH. We went on a ski vacation, which was awesome, despite the frigid temperatures. I thought cold was cold until we experienced frostbite warnings and a mostly empty ski resort. If the pros are not willing to brave the temps, it must be bad, right? We did get to do some skiing, and just hang out, though, which was really what we needed to do. It was a nice way to ring in 2009. We also did a bit of wedding planning, which made us feel a bit better, I think. You all know how TMH loves his spreadsheets. At least we are really doing this in a collaborative way. We are both about to get pretty busy with life again, so it's nice to be clear from my project manager ;-) about what aspects of the wedding planning I should focus on when I need to take a break from my work.
So, that's my update for now. I am sitting in TMH's apartment, about to go to the airport to head back to my mom's. I'll work and go see my dad this week (who was just offered a job on the other side of the world. Big news!), and then I'll head back up to my "real" life on the weekend. I can do it! Out with the old, and in with the new, they say. Though let's not forget that some of the old was good. 2008 was a pretty terrific year for me, and I can only expect that 2009 will be as well. But why do the holidays always go by so quickly?! I think that was the cry heard round the country this morning.
Happy 2009, everyone!
Friday, January 18, 2008
I'm back in the saddle again...
Argh, what a terrible song. I can just hear him extending the BACK. Sorry.... I couldn't resist.
Let me revert to list format to cover the events since my last post, some good, some not so good.
1. I went to the big city for TMH's birthday and got to see a good friend. We had an amazing time, though apparently we didn't sleep enough and tried to do too many things (we actually went to 2 parties on TMH's birthday- I have never had to meet some many people all at once, ever) because now we are both sick. It was an amazing weekend, though. I even got to visit the original Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger. They were happy to see me.
2. On Tuesday I packed up car and cat, said goodbye to my mom and started the LONG journey north. All was going amazingly well until I ran into an unexpected freak snowstorm. My car skidded on a curve on the interstate and I slid right off the road into a ditch. I don't think I need to explain how scared I was. I just kept thinking "don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree," because that would have been the end of my car. I miraculously did not hit a tree, or anything else for that matter, and everything was fine except that I was stuck in the ditch (I am so lucky there was a ditch. Clearly hitting a barricade might have been worse than hitting a tree). I called AAA to come tow me out, they came in 5 minutes and everything was seemingly fine- I was ready to get back to my drive as if nothing had happened. Before the tow truck driver left, though, he told me there was a 20 car pile up on the road ahead. CRAP. So, let me say again that I am grateful I slid off the road into a ditch because I am convinced I would have been part of that 20 car pile up. Did I mention the snowstorm came out of nowhere? So, that meant that I was stuck there for another 2 hours (it takes a long time to clear a 20 car pile up, you know). Then I continued on my drive, and was mostly ok (the freak snowstorm suddenly ended and it was sunny and dry for quite a while) except towards the end of the trip when it started to get snowy again and I was convinced I had already used up my good luck. (Did I mention I need new tires? I am taking my car in on Monday). I finally made it back- let me say I have never been so grateful to be here in all my life. My cat was pretty grateful too- can you believe she spent 12 hours in the car with me, didn't cry and didn't make a mess? She must have known not to send me over the edge. And I did realize that this is "home," at least for now.
3. I got sick. I never get sick. It's understandable, though, given the nature of my weekend and then the helatiousness of my drive.
4. I went up to school on Wednesday to get organized and meet my advisor. While I did get a bit organized, my advisor didn't show up. At that time I realized I was really sick so I went home and went to bed. I slept almost all of Wednesday afternoon and then Wednesday night.
5. I went up to school again on Thursday to get even more organized and try to meet my advisor again. This time he showed up and we had a good, albeit anxiety-inducing meeting. I am just nervous because of all the things that have to fall into place for things to work out for me, but I am on the right track. I have my courses set for the semester and I know what I have to do. I will mention my frustration though- despite at least 3 emails from me (two with the attachment) with specific questions about parts of my proposal, he had not read it. He didn't even try to pretend. HMMM. The sad thing is, I wasn't surprised.
6. I made an appointment to meet with the other potential committee member. Unlike my advisor, he did give me some feedback fairly quickly. I think I should be able to convince him to be on my committee, resolving at least some of the uncertainty facing the future of my PhD.
7. I made an appointment to go to the dentist next week. I can't get my occlusion guard soon enough. I'm having nightmares about losing all my teeth.
8. I cleaned, did laundry, organized and in all other ways refreshed my apartment for 2008. It was therapeutic. It's so nice to be back in my apartment. My mom got me a new duvet cover for Christmas and it really brightens up my bedroom. Yay for a fresh start!
9. TMH was going to come see me this weekend since he has Monday off but now he's not since we're both still sick. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the drive. Boo. I know it's the responsible thing to do- we both have to get better. He said this way we can have more fun next weekend. Ok. Being responsible is kind of sad sometimes, though. Lonely, for sure.
But, all told, it's good to be home!
Let me revert to list format to cover the events since my last post, some good, some not so good.
1. I went to the big city for TMH's birthday and got to see a good friend. We had an amazing time, though apparently we didn't sleep enough and tried to do too many things (we actually went to 2 parties on TMH's birthday- I have never had to meet some many people all at once, ever) because now we are both sick. It was an amazing weekend, though. I even got to visit the original Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger. They were happy to see me.
2. On Tuesday I packed up car and cat, said goodbye to my mom and started the LONG journey north. All was going amazingly well until I ran into an unexpected freak snowstorm. My car skidded on a curve on the interstate and I slid right off the road into a ditch. I don't think I need to explain how scared I was. I just kept thinking "don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree, don't hit a tree," because that would have been the end of my car. I miraculously did not hit a tree, or anything else for that matter, and everything was fine except that I was stuck in the ditch (I am so lucky there was a ditch. Clearly hitting a barricade might have been worse than hitting a tree). I called AAA to come tow me out, they came in 5 minutes and everything was seemingly fine- I was ready to get back to my drive as if nothing had happened. Before the tow truck driver left, though, he told me there was a 20 car pile up on the road ahead. CRAP. So, let me say again that I am grateful I slid off the road into a ditch because I am convinced I would have been part of that 20 car pile up. Did I mention the snowstorm came out of nowhere? So, that meant that I was stuck there for another 2 hours (it takes a long time to clear a 20 car pile up, you know). Then I continued on my drive, and was mostly ok (the freak snowstorm suddenly ended and it was sunny and dry for quite a while) except towards the end of the trip when it started to get snowy again and I was convinced I had already used up my good luck. (Did I mention I need new tires? I am taking my car in on Monday). I finally made it back- let me say I have never been so grateful to be here in all my life. My cat was pretty grateful too- can you believe she spent 12 hours in the car with me, didn't cry and didn't make a mess? She must have known not to send me over the edge. And I did realize that this is "home," at least for now.
3. I got sick. I never get sick. It's understandable, though, given the nature of my weekend and then the helatiousness of my drive.
4. I went up to school on Wednesday to get organized and meet my advisor. While I did get a bit organized, my advisor didn't show up. At that time I realized I was really sick so I went home and went to bed. I slept almost all of Wednesday afternoon and then Wednesday night.
5. I went up to school again on Thursday to get even more organized and try to meet my advisor again. This time he showed up and we had a good, albeit anxiety-inducing meeting. I am just nervous because of all the things that have to fall into place for things to work out for me, but I am on the right track. I have my courses set for the semester and I know what I have to do. I will mention my frustration though- despite at least 3 emails from me (two with the attachment) with specific questions about parts of my proposal, he had not read it. He didn't even try to pretend. HMMM. The sad thing is, I wasn't surprised.
6. I made an appointment to meet with the other potential committee member. Unlike my advisor, he did give me some feedback fairly quickly. I think I should be able to convince him to be on my committee, resolving at least some of the uncertainty facing the future of my PhD.
7. I made an appointment to go to the dentist next week. I can't get my occlusion guard soon enough. I'm having nightmares about losing all my teeth.
8. I cleaned, did laundry, organized and in all other ways refreshed my apartment for 2008. It was therapeutic. It's so nice to be back in my apartment. My mom got me a new duvet cover for Christmas and it really brightens up my bedroom. Yay for a fresh start!
9. TMH was going to come see me this weekend since he has Monday off but now he's not since we're both still sick. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the drive. Boo. I know it's the responsible thing to do- we both have to get better. He said this way we can have more fun next weekend. Ok. Being responsible is kind of sad sometimes, though. Lonely, for sure.
But, all told, it's good to be home!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Taking stock...
I am reminded of a line from Grosse Point Blank- "leave your livestock alone." Reunions and new year's as typical occasions to pause and reflect are probably not really necessary for someone like me, who seems to be in a perpetual state of reflection, but I do feel some obligation to mark the transition from 2007 to 2008, both years that I think will go down as big ones in the history of PMP. While I know I've come a long way in 2007 (just look at all the things I did- finishing my first year of coursework, having a hellish summer job and then winning an award at one of the best schools in the country, writing proposals, staying healthy and building my relationship with TMH are among the highlights) I have a feeling that 2007 was still part of the foreword: there is MUCH more to come. I have to look ahead right now, but I also have to live in the moment and be happy with where I am. For perhaps the first time, ever, I feel I can almost (*sigh*) do that.
I am home. One of my homes, I should say. The one where my mother lives. Once again I am sitting in the library that I sat in as a child after school... and once again the same librarian is here. You would think that by now I would have gotten used to the fact that many people tend to stay in the same place and do the same thing for most of their lives, and that's ok. In fact, it's admirable. It is 2008, though, now, and as TMH pointed out, that means we are getting older. Hmm. I think that I felt that way in 2005, and I am guessing I will still feel that way in 2010 and 2015. "Time marches on, and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face." It's true that in many ways the passage of time is not so important... too bad the other ways are so difficult to ignore.
I am at a bit of a crossroads. My vaciones were wonderful. I really took a break. I even took a break from pondering. It was so refreshing to not even really think about anything for a while. TMH and I had fun in the sun on our beach vacation. We slept and swam (and swam with dolphins!) and ate and drank and forgot about life for almost 5 days. It was awesome. Then we both went back to our respective families to have Christmas, and then we reunited at his place to celebrate the end of 2007 and the beginning of 2008. The second part of our vacation was a little more reflective. We talked about the future, for one thing, and I realized, if I hadn't already, that I really have my work cut out for me in 2008.
I don't want to jinx myself- I hate to put things out there as goals in case they don't happen- but if all goes well 2008 will mark some major milestones for me and my PhD. That's exciting, but also a bit scary. I have A LOT to do. The good news is that TMH seems to be right there with me (figuratively, not literally. It sucks to be back to the distance thing after we were able to spend nearly 2 weeks together, but such is life). This is one reason I am at the library right now. Anxiety was starting to creep in. I need to get back to work, right away! It's time to get focused. Last semester's proposals were a good start, and now I need to move them forward and make them happen.
I don't have to be back at school for another week and a half, and part of me knows that it would be better to be back now so I could get more done, but the other part of me knows that I can work here (being back does not mean I wouldn't still procrastinate), I need to take this time to spend with my mom (who really is getting older- I know I say this every time I am here as well), and if I were back I would be lonely and freezing and wondering why I didn't just stay. So, I am here and happy about it. Next week I am going to see my dad and celebrate his 60th birthday for a couple of days, then I'll be celebrating TMH's birthday in the REALLY big city (not to be confused with his big city of residence) and then I'll be back at school. I just have to make sure that while I'm here I don't waste my time. Today was the day to get back into the mindset of my work, though, and I am doing it, and I am excited about it. So there!
Bring on 2008, with all of its anticipated trials and tribulations, adventures and milestones!
I am home. One of my homes, I should say. The one where my mother lives. Once again I am sitting in the library that I sat in as a child after school... and once again the same librarian is here. You would think that by now I would have gotten used to the fact that many people tend to stay in the same place and do the same thing for most of their lives, and that's ok. In fact, it's admirable. It is 2008, though, now, and as TMH pointed out, that means we are getting older. Hmm. I think that I felt that way in 2005, and I am guessing I will still feel that way in 2010 and 2015. "Time marches on, and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face." It's true that in many ways the passage of time is not so important... too bad the other ways are so difficult to ignore.
I am at a bit of a crossroads. My vaciones were wonderful. I really took a break. I even took a break from pondering. It was so refreshing to not even really think about anything for a while. TMH and I had fun in the sun on our beach vacation. We slept and swam (and swam with dolphins!) and ate and drank and forgot about life for almost 5 days. It was awesome. Then we both went back to our respective families to have Christmas, and then we reunited at his place to celebrate the end of 2007 and the beginning of 2008. The second part of our vacation was a little more reflective. We talked about the future, for one thing, and I realized, if I hadn't already, that I really have my work cut out for me in 2008.
I don't want to jinx myself- I hate to put things out there as goals in case they don't happen- but if all goes well 2008 will mark some major milestones for me and my PhD. That's exciting, but also a bit scary. I have A LOT to do. The good news is that TMH seems to be right there with me (figuratively, not literally. It sucks to be back to the distance thing after we were able to spend nearly 2 weeks together, but such is life). This is one reason I am at the library right now. Anxiety was starting to creep in. I need to get back to work, right away! It's time to get focused. Last semester's proposals were a good start, and now I need to move them forward and make them happen.
I don't have to be back at school for another week and a half, and part of me knows that it would be better to be back now so I could get more done, but the other part of me knows that I can work here (being back does not mean I wouldn't still procrastinate), I need to take this time to spend with my mom (who really is getting older- I know I say this every time I am here as well), and if I were back I would be lonely and freezing and wondering why I didn't just stay. So, I am here and happy about it. Next week I am going to see my dad and celebrate his 60th birthday for a couple of days, then I'll be celebrating TMH's birthday in the REALLY big city (not to be confused with his big city of residence) and then I'll be back at school. I just have to make sure that while I'm here I don't waste my time. Today was the day to get back into the mindset of my work, though, and I am doing it, and I am excited about it. So there!
Bring on 2008, with all of its anticipated trials and tribulations, adventures and milestones!
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I've taken a much needed break from life (which includes the internet, for sure) but I just wanted to take a minute for a quick update. I am now with TMH in the big city getting ready to celebrate the beginning of 2008. Yay! It's hard to believe how quickly things went after I finished the semester... all that work and stress was over in such a flash.
TMH and I had a FANTASTIC beach vacation, and it was nice to be with my mom for Christmas. I have so many things to update, but I am still in the midst of my vacation so that will all have to wait. I have blissfully not been pondering much lately, and I know that will change all too soon. For now I just want to wish everyone all the best in these final days of 2007. Many people I know have not had the best year (I think all in all it was ok for me...definitely productive and a bit crazy... though I need more time to reflect). In any case, I have a good feeling about what's in store for 2008! My best to all of you in this time for reflection, love and celebration!
TMH and I had a FANTASTIC beach vacation, and it was nice to be with my mom for Christmas. I have so many things to update, but I am still in the midst of my vacation so that will all have to wait. I have blissfully not been pondering much lately, and I know that will change all too soon. For now I just want to wish everyone all the best in these final days of 2007. Many people I know have not had the best year (I think all in all it was ok for me...definitely productive and a bit crazy... though I need more time to reflect). In any case, I have a good feeling about what's in store for 2008! My best to all of you in this time for reflection, love and celebration!
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