It's my 200th BLOG post. Let's celebrate! I have been trying to figure out what might be appropriate to post for this milestone, but nothing special really came to me (hence my delay in posting). I figure now was as good a time as any to take my blog posts into the 200s. I can't sleep, and I have a lot on my mind, and it's December.
So why do I write on this blog? I came up with a few common themes. To discuss the challenges of (complain about) grad school life and my life in general, to keep friends up to date on my happenings (though I haven't been so good at that lately, so you can guess what I am doing: writing and procrastinating and working), to talk about how things are challenging but how I am going to turn them around (I notice I do a lot of convincing myself that things are going to work out. Apparently this is part of my process, and my attempt to not come across as totally negative despite the occasional complaining. I am not negative!), and to share joy when it does come to me. For this occasion, let me just talk about why I can't sleep, and generally what's going on with my life these days:
1. I kind of got yelled at today. Not yelled at exactly, but well, sort of. And I got yelled at last week, twice, by the same person. Very unfamiliar territory for me... not sure how I am going to negotiate this potentially problematic working relationship. The yeller is actually mostly cool... I've been working for her all semester. It is a great opportunity, has been a great semester, and could really turn in to an AMAZING opportunity. In fact, we had a meeting today with three big wigs who can make things happen, and the biggest of the big wigs said that my work should be a top priority for them. Woo-hoo. You go, PMP. Awesome. But unfortunately the high is marred a bit by the yelling. I think it's just a combination of me being too sensitive, and her being too brusque. But she's unpredictable. I like to think I am pretty good at getting along with people, and reading people (and you know I have had my fair share of characters to get along with) but she turns on a dime, and I have a hard time with confrontational as a characteristic. I am thinking I will be able to work this out, though. At the end of the meeting she told me what a great sounding board I am and how glad she is that I am here (well, stop yelling at me, then!). If this really turns in to what it might turn into (like the job of my dreams, honestly) it will all be worth it. If not, it will all have been an excellent learning experience. Isn't that always the way?
2. Similarly, I feel I have a hard time opening my mouth these days without pissing someone off. I don't really know; suddenly I became super annoying? Not sure. I think I am being nice and genuine and smart and all the usual good PMP things, but somehow it hasn't been working as well for me lately. I don't like to feel like I'm walking on eggshells... hello, what if someone else pisses ME off? I feel I am the one who has to make sure everyone else is OK. And, again, isn't that always the way?
3. My dissertation work is going OK. I am writing it. It's good I seem to have gotten through my period where I was not writing it. I am writing it! I am telling myself that it's OK that I have gotten no feedback because they are going to let me through. I am going to write it and they are going to say OK. Three signatures. Let that be the case. Now that the semester has ended I think I can remind my advisor again of his promise to get back to me. At the moment I am on the side of the dissertation that tells me it's going to be OK. I am stressed, but positive. It could turn at any moment, though. So I say again, isn't that always the way?
4. I've been reading Augusten Burroughs, and he's f**king hilarious. Hilarious. Since TMH and I have merged belongings I have discovered a whole new library of boy books. TMH finds it amusing that he has a whole collection of books by gay men, but he seems to love any memoir related to having a crazy childhood or overcoming some disability. We are actually going to see David Sedaris in March (his State or Carolina? story is still one of my favorites of all time). Seems like the more messed up your childhood, the better you can do as an author, and you get bonus points for being gay or an alcoholic. Don't be offended. Anyway, Augusten Burroughs's stories make me wonder if I could write a memoir, though my life hasn't been nearly as crazy as his. I laugh out loud reading them, and he makes me feel a little less crazy. He and I also seem to be on the same wavelength about certain things, like that it's really funny that so many of the towns in Amish country have dirty names (Intercourse and Blue Ball are my favorites, too, Augusten!). He can turn a mouse getting into his tub through the faucet into a fantastic story... and I totally get it. Anyway, so if my whole PhD thing doesn't work out, maybe I can write a memoir. Isn't that always the way?
5. Some of the old sitcoms and their theme songs have been coming to me lately. I realize how profound they were. I mean, don't you miss the poignant made-for-sitcom songs? The first to come was "making your way in the world today takes everything you've got." I think that was after a particularly stressful day of dealing with people. Cheers really knew what it was all about. And I am missing my old life, so I would really like to be around people who know my name (and don't yell). Again, see how appropriate? Then the Facts of Life made it into the mix. What an excellent show... and again... so true! See, life lessons of 80s sitcoms live on. I learned a couple of years ago that because of my personality type I really identify with TV characters and get involved with them. Oh yes, I do. The Friends are my friends. They never fail to cheer me up. I'll just leave it at that, before you really think I have gone too far off the deep end. So now you see what happens to PMP with too much time with PMP, herself and her laptop. Isn't that always the way?
Happy 200th to my blog! Thank you to my loyal fans (all 3 of you? I am being optimistic there...)
Love, PMP
