I fell off the radar there for a bit.... I think it's only natural sometimes in the face of adversity. I just didn't really want to deal with ANYTHING. And, well, being super busy last week didn't help. I wasn't really off the radar, I suppose. I went to work and school and talked to people when necessary, but I feel like I ran away a little bit. I went to see TMH on the weekend, and I'm so glad I did. He has been super busy lately, and may not have even had any time to come here, plus I was in the mood to get away, so it worked out well. I even stayed an extra night, which made today really long, but it was worth it. We got to watch the World Series together, among other things. Seeing the Red Sox win was super exciting!
And now I'm back. I am not going to say that I am thrilled, but things are ok. TMH helped me compose a couple of emails on the weekend (writing emails to ask for help from people you don't know is hard) and now I have a confirmed meeting with another professor next week- someone my professor (who said no) told me might be interested in my work. TMH also suggested I contact one of his former professors. Upon further research I realized she is really a big-wig (intimidating and impressive record for any woman, AND she seems young), but our interests seem to match up, so I am optimistic that she will find some time to meet with me. We'll see how it goes. In any case, it will be good to see what these people have to say and what guidance they might be able to offer. I just need to be confident. The ball is rolling again, and I will try not to let it run me over.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
She said no...
...so now I know. And no means no. (Now I know why my students hate English sometimes).
So my professor told me she did not want to be on my committee because she is too busy. She was nice about it (sort of), and she told me to talk to some other professors. She said she would put in a good word for me. I have to say I am really disappointed... this definitely contributes to the time of blah. There are several reasons for me to be upset, some more rational than others:
1. Now I have to find someone else. As they say, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. I am back to having nothing. I was so close... yet so far away.
2. I really like her (well, except for right now, because she made me sad). I think the personality dynamics were good.... it would have been a good relationship. She is smart and good and successful... I guess that's why she has no time for the likes of me.
3. My advisor really likes her. Shit. Everyone keeps telling me how important the dynamics are among the people on your committee. You want people to get along, i.e. not have a falling out that could delay or even cost you your degree. Apparently these things happen.... I am concerned about the dynamics that the other possible candidates might bring.
4. She told me during the break in class today. Since we have class for 3 hours, she gives us a break midway through. I guess that was a convenient time for her to tell me, but what about me? I was upset, was trying my best not to show it, and I had a hard time focusing on the rest of class. This is no big deal for her... she should consider that perhaps it is a really big deal for me.
5. She is a woman. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I want another woman on my committee. Why are all these professors male? It's crazy. My advisor is male and my second member is female. I wanted another woman, but now that won't happen. None of the other possible candidates are female. Oh well, at least I have one.
6. I don't know how I am going to figure all this out in the time I have to do it. This will delay my progress. The third person, whoever HE is, has to represent my minor. I wanted to finish my coursework next semester, including minor requirements.
7. Her methodology and research interests match my advisor's- so that would have been good. Without her, things may have to go in a totally different way. (e.g. with two of the other professors I am considering, I would have to follow a certain approach).
Making this list has made me realize that I really don't like the other possibilities. Maybe I need to find someone new? But that will take even more time. Or can I compromise, and take someone not ideal? Only if they won't cause me problems. But what if no one will agree? As my dad pointed out, they have no reason to help me. My third member has to come from outside my department, so they have no vested interest in my success. OH BLAH.
For goodness sake, I just need someone to sign off and say my work is ok. I don't think it's really that big of a time commitment. Why is it so hard???
SO, in a nutshell- BIG FAT BUMMER.
So my professor told me she did not want to be on my committee because she is too busy. She was nice about it (sort of), and she told me to talk to some other professors. She said she would put in a good word for me. I have to say I am really disappointed... this definitely contributes to the time of blah. There are several reasons for me to be upset, some more rational than others:
1. Now I have to find someone else. As they say, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. I am back to having nothing. I was so close... yet so far away.
2. I really like her (well, except for right now, because she made me sad). I think the personality dynamics were good.... it would have been a good relationship. She is smart and good and successful... I guess that's why she has no time for the likes of me.
3. My advisor really likes her. Shit. Everyone keeps telling me how important the dynamics are among the people on your committee. You want people to get along, i.e. not have a falling out that could delay or even cost you your degree. Apparently these things happen.... I am concerned about the dynamics that the other possible candidates might bring.
4. She told me during the break in class today. Since we have class for 3 hours, she gives us a break midway through. I guess that was a convenient time for her to tell me, but what about me? I was upset, was trying my best not to show it, and I had a hard time focusing on the rest of class. This is no big deal for her... she should consider that perhaps it is a really big deal for me.
5. She is a woman. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I want another woman on my committee. Why are all these professors male? It's crazy. My advisor is male and my second member is female. I wanted another woman, but now that won't happen. None of the other possible candidates are female. Oh well, at least I have one.
6. I don't know how I am going to figure all this out in the time I have to do it. This will delay my progress. The third person, whoever HE is, has to represent my minor. I wanted to finish my coursework next semester, including minor requirements.
7. Her methodology and research interests match my advisor's- so that would have been good. Without her, things may have to go in a totally different way. (e.g. with two of the other professors I am considering, I would have to follow a certain approach).
Making this list has made me realize that I really don't like the other possibilities. Maybe I need to find someone new? But that will take even more time. Or can I compromise, and take someone not ideal? Only if they won't cause me problems. But what if no one will agree? As my dad pointed out, they have no reason to help me. My third member has to come from outside my department, so they have no vested interest in my success. OH BLAH.
For goodness sake, I just need someone to sign off and say my work is ok. I don't think it's really that big of a time commitment. Why is it so hard???
SO, in a nutshell- BIG FAT BUMMER.
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Time of Blah, Part II
So, my last post was too extreme, even for me. I am really not a drama queen. Things are not that bad. Really. I need to get a grip. So, I will. I am one who does what she needs to do. Right now, I need to get a grip. I am going through normal grad school stress, and I will get through it. TMH and I are going through normal being busy/living far away stress, and we'll get through that too.
In all my wallowing last night, I forgot the best news of all. I am a contributing author! It's really not that big of a deal- but one of my activities is now published!! So, things aren't so bad. Really.... though I think the Time of Blah is still a good title for my current feeling about life.
In all my wallowing last night, I forgot the best news of all. I am a contributing author! It's really not that big of a deal- but one of my activities is now published!! So, things aren't so bad. Really.... though I think the Time of Blah is still a good title for my current feeling about life.
The Time of Blah
So, things have been kind of shitty lately. I lost my UMbrella. I am busy and all of the things I need to have squared away by December are not resolved in ANY way. I have no committee, for example. My future hangs in the balance. TMH has been super busy and hasn't had that much time to talk....I am afraid he is getting tired of me. I have been wearing my bloomers (remember, fun rings) everyday, but even still... things have been amiss.
I know TMH feels bad for not having time to talk to me. That's ok. I know I feel bad for feeling like a loser. Hmmm. The worst was last night. My department was having a party for current students. I had been reading all day... and probably had been at home alone with my cat for at least 24 hours before the party (working- reading/writing... you know). To make matters even more pathetic I twisted my ankle the other day, so I have been unable to run, and trying to walk at my own peril. Needless to say I did not have much to say at the party. Making conversation was painful.... I felt like the most boring and unattractive party guest ever. EVER. It was sad. I am trying not to care, but it's tough. I am not sure what kind of evening TMH and I would have had if he had been here, but I have to say I am concerned this is some kind of shitty foreshadowing. I am becoming a loser nerd with nothing fun to say (a DONUT, as TMH would say). I talked to my friend about it on the phone.... and she said "well, that's grad school." OK. So I should be resigned to such things....
The good news. Hmm. The Red Sox are going to the World Series! That's super exciting! TMH should be coming to visit next weekend. I guess then I will know whether I am a real loser or just one on paper. I will keep wearing my bloomers, and I will keep trying to keep my chin up, but the week ahead is a bit scary. SCARY. THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON. Like always, I will do my best...
I know TMH feels bad for not having time to talk to me. That's ok. I know I feel bad for feeling like a loser. Hmmm. The worst was last night. My department was having a party for current students. I had been reading all day... and probably had been at home alone with my cat for at least 24 hours before the party (working- reading/writing... you know). To make matters even more pathetic I twisted my ankle the other day, so I have been unable to run, and trying to walk at my own peril. Needless to say I did not have much to say at the party. Making conversation was painful.... I felt like the most boring and unattractive party guest ever. EVER. It was sad. I am trying not to care, but it's tough. I am not sure what kind of evening TMH and I would have had if he had been here, but I have to say I am concerned this is some kind of shitty foreshadowing. I am becoming a loser nerd with nothing fun to say (a DONUT, as TMH would say). I talked to my friend about it on the phone.... and she said "well, that's grad school." OK. So I should be resigned to such things....
The good news. Hmm. The Red Sox are going to the World Series! That's super exciting! TMH should be coming to visit next weekend. I guess then I will know whether I am a real loser or just one on paper. I will keep wearing my bloomers, and I will keep trying to keep my chin up, but the week ahead is a bit scary. SCARY. THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON. Like always, I will do my best...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Bloomers!
In the spirit of a new post, and a more uplifting one, I will share with you my love of bloomers! If you don't know me, you don't know what I'm talking about. Actually, you may still not know. Underwear? Weird flowers? What?
Bloomers are big glass flower rings. I went through a time in life when I was really addicted to getting them... which might explain my unusually large collection. I love them. Pooh would say that it is impossible to be uncheered with a balloon. For me it's a bloomer (Winnie-the-Pooh wisdom and other jewelry are also on the top of the cheery list).
This is but a sampling of the types of rings you might find in my jewelry box. I ask you, could you possibly be uncheered when you are walking around with one of these on your finger?? So, I think
I should just wear one every day and ignore my problems.
I was happy this week because I had sent in two of my bloomers to be fixed and they came back in the mail. It was like getting new ones! The problem with rings made of glass and elastic (and silver- that part is missing in these photos- the actual ring) is that they have a tendency to break, so the artist is generous enough to offer free repair. I guess she realized that otherwise people might be hesitant to buy them. I don't think much would have stopped me!
Bloomers are big glass flower rings. I went through a time in life when I was really addicted to getting them... which might explain my unusually large collection. I love them. Pooh would say that it is impossible to be uncheered with a balloon. For me it's a bloomer (Winnie-the-Pooh wisdom and other jewelry are also on the top of the cheery list).This is but a sampling of the types of rings you might find in my jewelry box. I ask you, could you possibly be uncheered when you are walking around with one of these on your finger?? So, I think
I should just wear one every day and ignore my problems.I was happy this week because I had sent in two of my bloomers to be fixed and they came back in the mail. It was like getting new ones! The problem with rings made of glass and elastic (and silver- that part is missing in these photos- the actual ring) is that they have a tendency to break, so the artist is generous enough to offer free repair. I guess she realized that otherwise people might be hesitant to buy them. I don't think much would have stopped me!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Under an umbrella?
Just to give you a sense of how pathetic I am feeling....
The thing I seem to be most concerned about right now is that my umbrella is missing. Before I go any further I have to point out that TMH likes to make fun of me for the way I pronounce this word. Anyone want to guess where the stress should be? I don't care... I call it an UMbrella. I asked my mom what she called such things and she said it too.. UMbrella. So there, now I have an explanation. That's what it's called!
I love my UMbrella. I remember exactly when I bought it. My former co-worker and I were at our all-time favorite store (TJ Maxx, of course- though Target is a close second. Ok, maybe Target wins sometimes. Anyway...) and we were looking for umbrellas. Here in this ridiculous town, known for it's unpredictable (and shitty) weather, an umbrella is pretty important. You never know when you might need one. We were being pretty silly, and looked for umbrellas that would match our outfits, coats, etc. Several ladies poking around the umbrella section at the time were pretty amused by our in-depth analysis of the perfect umbrella. In any case, we did find ones in colors that matched our styles. Mine was perfect: black and white and pink with little flowers. And now it's missing.
I suppose I shouldn't mind so much... I did manage to hang on to it for nearly two years. (My umbrella shopping partner has long since returned to the southwest because she couldn't handle the aforementioned shitty weather). But where did it go? I am convinced that someone took it, either at work, or in class. Where is it?
So you may wonder why I care so much (or you may just think I am crazy and ridiculous-definitely true at the moment). I am not sure. Because I really love my umbrella? Because I hate losing things? Because I have so many scary and important things to worry about, the little things have taken on more importance? Maybe it just means I had a bad day. I really did. I'm so tired, and it is easier to be upset about my umbrella than about everything else. I wish I could find it....
All I can say right now is "blah."
The thing I seem to be most concerned about right now is that my umbrella is missing. Before I go any further I have to point out that TMH likes to make fun of me for the way I pronounce this word. Anyone want to guess where the stress should be? I don't care... I call it an UMbrella. I asked my mom what she called such things and she said it too.. UMbrella. So there, now I have an explanation. That's what it's called!
I love my UMbrella. I remember exactly when I bought it. My former co-worker and I were at our all-time favorite store (TJ Maxx, of course- though Target is a close second. Ok, maybe Target wins sometimes. Anyway...) and we were looking for umbrellas. Here in this ridiculous town, known for it's unpredictable (and shitty) weather, an umbrella is pretty important. You never know when you might need one. We were being pretty silly, and looked for umbrellas that would match our outfits, coats, etc. Several ladies poking around the umbrella section at the time were pretty amused by our in-depth analysis of the perfect umbrella. In any case, we did find ones in colors that matched our styles. Mine was perfect: black and white and pink with little flowers. And now it's missing.
I suppose I shouldn't mind so much... I did manage to hang on to it for nearly two years. (My umbrella shopping partner has long since returned to the southwest because she couldn't handle the aforementioned shitty weather). But where did it go? I am convinced that someone took it, either at work, or in class. Where is it?
So you may wonder why I care so much (or you may just think I am crazy and ridiculous-definitely true at the moment). I am not sure. Because I really love my umbrella? Because I hate losing things? Because I have so many scary and important things to worry about, the little things have taken on more importance? Maybe it just means I had a bad day. I really did. I'm so tired, and it is easier to be upset about my umbrella than about everything else. I wish I could find it....
All I can say right now is "blah."
Monday, October 15, 2007
Knowing is half the battle...
Trouble is, I still don't know.
The meeting itself was quite productive. She was very helpful, gave me lots of ideas and some resources to consider, and seemed generally interested in my interests. I was happy with the way I presented myself. But, at the end, when I asked her to be on my committee, she balked a little. She said she has too many students right now, she hated to say no, but could I give her some time to think about it? Of course I said of course, no rush. Then she said she knew it was important for me to get these things set up. I said I really thought she could bring some good perspective to my work, and she agreed, and said again that she would like to/she is interested, but she would just have to see about her time. So, ok. At least I asked and the ball is rolling... and regardless, I know my proposal for her class will help move my work forward.
And she didn't say no.
I had a quick lunch with my friend and compadre in grad school stress to debrief the experience. She thinks that I should be optimistic (I took this as a good sign because I trust her judgement and she is not known for her optimism). My dad said "well, just write a good proposal and she will agree." Helpful, right? NO pressure, none at all.
Otherwise it was a typical, hectic Monday, with a brief but welcome visit from E. The week is off and running, whether I am ready or not.
Go Sox!
The meeting itself was quite productive. She was very helpful, gave me lots of ideas and some resources to consider, and seemed generally interested in my interests. I was happy with the way I presented myself. But, at the end, when I asked her to be on my committee, she balked a little. She said she has too many students right now, she hated to say no, but could I give her some time to think about it? Of course I said of course, no rush. Then she said she knew it was important for me to get these things set up. I said I really thought she could bring some good perspective to my work, and she agreed, and said again that she would like to/she is interested, but she would just have to see about her time. So, ok. At least I asked and the ball is rolling... and regardless, I know my proposal for her class will help move my work forward.
And she didn't say no.
I had a quick lunch with my friend and compadre in grad school stress to debrief the experience. She thinks that I should be optimistic (I took this as a good sign because I trust her judgement and she is not known for her optimism). My dad said "well, just write a good proposal and she will agree." Helpful, right? NO pressure, none at all.
Otherwise it was a typical, hectic Monday, with a brief but welcome visit from E. The week is off and running, whether I am ready or not.
Go Sox!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sunday morning...
Well, it's Sunday. The weekend hasn't been as productive as I would have liked, but in my defense, I needed a break, and I needed some time to just be in my apartment and chill and sleep. I got back on Tuesday and was going full-out until Friday afternoon... I think because it was a short week people wanted to cram everything for 5 days into just 3. So, by Friday afternoon I was done. Luckily I got some E time on Friday... it was great to see her. She continues to have a harrying semester as well.... so we had fun commiserating (shopping, eating and drinking) and hoping to spend more time together.
Yesterday's work avoidance included the usual stress relief (laundry and vacuuming and running and three hole punching papers/putting them in binders- general frenzied organizing) as well as getting all my winter clothes out and putting away my summer clothes (it got COLD here all of a sudden). It looks like I will have a chance to get some of those summer clothes out again in December, though, because TMH and I booked a tropical, quite affordable, vacation! We are going to Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic. Amazing. We will be gone for 4 days during the week before Christmas. I can't believe we're actually going! Hopefully it will help me motivate... and realize there is a light at the end of the semester.
My main stress-causer right now, for which I really need to prepare (and the true impetus for my frenzied housework), is a meeting with one of my professors to talk about my final proposal for her class. At said meeting tomorrow I hope to ask her to be on my committee. So, I need to be prepared. If she says yes it will be a huge relief... it is the important next step for me and my progress with my work- I would have a full committee. I don't even want to think about what happens if she says no. I have been waiting a year to have class with this woman, and I didn't think I could ask her sooner because she really didn't know me. Now that we have been through half of the semester, and since we have to meet to talk about my paper for her class, I think it's time. I have to make the most of my opportunity.
So, I'm nervous, and being nervous means I am not actually getting the stuff done that will help with the meeting. I think I am ready to get to it now, though. You can only procrastinate for so long (and I do feel much more settled knowing that everything in my apartment is in its place). In any case, this meeting is an important step forward. Even if she says no, at least then I will know so I can adjust accordingly. So, it's progress in any case, right?
Yesterday's work avoidance included the usual stress relief (laundry and vacuuming and running and three hole punching papers/putting them in binders- general frenzied organizing) as well as getting all my winter clothes out and putting away my summer clothes (it got COLD here all of a sudden). It looks like I will have a chance to get some of those summer clothes out again in December, though, because TMH and I booked a tropical, quite affordable, vacation! We are going to Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic. Amazing. We will be gone for 4 days during the week before Christmas. I can't believe we're actually going! Hopefully it will help me motivate... and realize there is a light at the end of the semester.
My main stress-causer right now, for which I really need to prepare (and the true impetus for my frenzied housework), is a meeting with one of my professors to talk about my final proposal for her class. At said meeting tomorrow I hope to ask her to be on my committee. So, I need to be prepared. If she says yes it will be a huge relief... it is the important next step for me and my progress with my work- I would have a full committee. I don't even want to think about what happens if she says no. I have been waiting a year to have class with this woman, and I didn't think I could ask her sooner because she really didn't know me. Now that we have been through half of the semester, and since we have to meet to talk about my paper for her class, I think it's time. I have to make the most of my opportunity.
So, I'm nervous, and being nervous means I am not actually getting the stuff done that will help with the meeting. I think I am ready to get to it now, though. You can only procrastinate for so long (and I do feel much more settled knowing that everything in my apartment is in its place). In any case, this meeting is an important step forward. Even if she says no, at least then I will know so I can adjust accordingly. So, it's progress in any case, right?
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Dreaming in Cuban
Has anyone read the book? It is excellent.... I highly recommend it.
I am currently at TMH's house, looking for an affordable vacation for us to go on in December. He is dying for a vacation. We were supposed to go out west to see his sister and my brother but we are having trouble figuring it out. For the money and the headache we could go on a "real" vacation.... but then he wouldn't get to meet his new niece. You can't do everything, you know. Our current hope is that we can go out and see our siblings for new year's... and still use his other vacation days for a 4 day trip in December... after my semester ends and before Christmas. We'll see. It's fun to look for it. How awesome would it be if we could really go to Cuba. Now I really am dreaming....
Anyway, I digress. We have had a fun and relaxing weekend together and I am pleased I didn't have to drive back today. It is nice to be on "break." I like it. I know I am going to freak out when I do have to drive back to work and school and reality, but I have another day before that happens. My hope is to get a lot of work done tomorrow. I got a lot done on Friday but by the end of the afternoon I just wanted to hang out and that's what we've done for most of the weekend. Yesterday we had a real adventure- we went on a whale watch... it was really exciting. We even saw a whale breach (i.e. jump right out of the water!)
Ok, back to potential vacation planning. I told TMH that maybe we were being too greedy... we could wait for a week in March. He said he couldn't wait that long. I guess the working life is getting him down. He has been working really long hours. He is working right now, in fact. So, my vacation planning is all the more importante! (Which is kind of like excitamante, only different. It's an actual word, for one thing. BTW, if anyone needs a laugh re. Spanish and having fun with Spanish, check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngRq82c8Baw. He kind of reminds me of TMH, if only for his enthusiasm for- and ability with- Spanish.)
Happy fall, everyone!
I am currently at TMH's house, looking for an affordable vacation for us to go on in December. He is dying for a vacation. We were supposed to go out west to see his sister and my brother but we are having trouble figuring it out. For the money and the headache we could go on a "real" vacation.... but then he wouldn't get to meet his new niece. You can't do everything, you know. Our current hope is that we can go out and see our siblings for new year's... and still use his other vacation days for a 4 day trip in December... after my semester ends and before Christmas. We'll see. It's fun to look for it. How awesome would it be if we could really go to Cuba. Now I really am dreaming....
Anyway, I digress. We have had a fun and relaxing weekend together and I am pleased I didn't have to drive back today. It is nice to be on "break." I like it. I know I am going to freak out when I do have to drive back to work and school and reality, but I have another day before that happens. My hope is to get a lot of work done tomorrow. I got a lot done on Friday but by the end of the afternoon I just wanted to hang out and that's what we've done for most of the weekend. Yesterday we had a real adventure- we went on a whale watch... it was really exciting. We even saw a whale breach (i.e. jump right out of the water!)
Ok, back to potential vacation planning. I told TMH that maybe we were being too greedy... we could wait for a week in March. He said he couldn't wait that long. I guess the working life is getting him down. He has been working really long hours. He is working right now, in fact. So, my vacation planning is all the more importante! (Which is kind of like excitamante, only different. It's an actual word, for one thing. BTW, if anyone needs a laugh re. Spanish and having fun with Spanish, check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngRq82c8Baw. He kind of reminds me of TMH, if only for his enthusiasm for- and ability with- Spanish.)
Happy fall, everyone!
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