So, the week is crazy. It's just that time of year- I have too much to do and not enough time. All of the things I have to do are difficult, and as you may have noticed, I don't always react well when things are difficult. In addition to work, I feel like I have a lot to blog about, but not a lot of energy (or time, really). But, that's not exciting. All of my statistics struggles are making me punchy, so let me share a couple of exciting things for now, to tide you over until I can go into more detail about the important things that make me tired. I'm sure you can hardly wait.
Things that made my day:
1. My boss gave me a pair of silver glittery strappy open-toed pumps. I know, not what you were expecting, right? I had to teach her class for her on Monday at the crack of dawn because she was out of town, and when she got back today she said she had a regalito for me (she likes to use Spanish too). I had told her about my event on Saturday (big fancy party with TMH) and she apparently found these shoes when she was out of town. She's a shoe diva, so she's always coming in with shoes she found on super sale, $3 shoes, etc. I am sure she didn't spend much on these, but that's not the point. It was just so unexpected! She presented them to me after I had three difficult final evaluation meetings with students (with crying, the whole nine yards...the absolute HARDEST part of my job for me. Remember, my final evals are high stakes- they determine students' funding options, etc. Stressful). Needless to say, it was just what I needed. I don't know that I will wear them to the fancy event (and she didn't expect me to, they are just for fun), but you never know. Silver shoes are in right now, they are super fun...and as she said, I can always wear them for Halloween. How many people out there can say that their bosses have ever given them a pair of silver glittery strappy open-toed pumps? Awesome.
2. TMH sent me an email with the subject line "pantalones" and he called me P.antalones M.ucho P.ink. (I told him a few days ago that I had gotten out my pink winter pants, which apparently rekindled my summer nickname). He said that he couldn't go in order (pink pantalones) because he couldn't think of any other "m" words in Spanish, besides margarita, which doesn't fit. Obviously. Actually, to be technical, in Spanish the adjective usually comes second anyway... so he shouldn't be too concerned.
The rest of the day was full and difficult... but tomorrow is my last day of classes (for the semester), I am going out of town for the fancy event this weekend (and I get to see TMH AND my good friend), and somehow everything else will fall into place. It always does, right?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
I am thankful for....
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and every year we used to go around the table to talk about the things we were thankful for (for which we were thankful? No one says that). As I mentioned before, those Thanksgivings are over, which is a bit sad, but it is time to create and embrace new Thanksgiving traditons.
Even though it seems cheesy, and I am not a little girl anymore, I still like to say my reasons. So here they are, in no particular order:
1. TMH. Two years ago today we went on our first date. It was an interesting evening for several reasons. He almost ran us off the road, because it was icy, and let's just say we went to a bar with some colorful clientele. Clearly, though, it was successful in the grand scheme of things- 2 years! I really feel lucky to have found him (though I also think he should feel lucky to have found me.)
2. That we are going to TMH's parents' for Thanksgiving. As much as I have a hard time with change, it is exciting to start new traditions. How sad would I be if I were sitting here alone? I am lucky.
3. That I get to see my mom next month, and spend Christmas with her. I am thankful for a whole slew of things about my mom. I don't know what I would do without her.
4. My family in general. I am very lucky to have supportive parents, a family across the world that loves me, and other assorted loved ones. I definitely have a modern family.
5. My health, and the health of my friends and family. Let's face it, good health is a blessing. I try not to take it for granted that I can go running and be as active as schedule and weather permit.
6. The opportunity that I have now to be in school. This is a tough one, because if you read this blog you know that I complain about school a lot. It causes me a lot of stress, keeps me poor, and keeps me living in another state from TMH, but I do realize that I am lucky to have the opportunity to do this. It is pretty amazing when you think about it. It should be pretty clear that I am committed to my work. That's probably why I complain so much. Clearly if I didn't care about this stuff I would just quit, and I am not about to do that!
7. My cat. Even though she can be a pain sometimes, I love her. She is good company and keeps life in my apartment entertaining.
8. That I have a few days off. I need it!
9. That I have such good friends. You know who you are. Thank you all for being so great and supportive!
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
Even though it seems cheesy, and I am not a little girl anymore, I still like to say my reasons. So here they are, in no particular order:
1. TMH. Two years ago today we went on our first date. It was an interesting evening for several reasons. He almost ran us off the road, because it was icy, and let's just say we went to a bar with some colorful clientele. Clearly, though, it was successful in the grand scheme of things- 2 years! I really feel lucky to have found him (though I also think he should feel lucky to have found me.)
2. That we are going to TMH's parents' for Thanksgiving. As much as I have a hard time with change, it is exciting to start new traditions. How sad would I be if I were sitting here alone? I am lucky.
3. That I get to see my mom next month, and spend Christmas with her. I am thankful for a whole slew of things about my mom. I don't know what I would do without her.
4. My family in general. I am very lucky to have supportive parents, a family across the world that loves me, and other assorted loved ones. I definitely have a modern family.
5. My health, and the health of my friends and family. Let's face it, good health is a blessing. I try not to take it for granted that I can go running and be as active as schedule and weather permit.
6. The opportunity that I have now to be in school. This is a tough one, because if you read this blog you know that I complain about school a lot. It causes me a lot of stress, keeps me poor, and keeps me living in another state from TMH, but I do realize that I am lucky to have the opportunity to do this. It is pretty amazing when you think about it. It should be pretty clear that I am committed to my work. That's probably why I complain so much. Clearly if I didn't care about this stuff I would just quit, and I am not about to do that!
7. My cat. Even though she can be a pain sometimes, I love her. She is good company and keeps life in my apartment entertaining.
8. That I have a few days off. I need it!
9. That I have such good friends. You know who you are. Thank you all for being so great and supportive!
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
All issues, deep and shallow..
I guess you can guess what the deep issues are. Me figuring out a dissertation topic, and making headway in my ability to actually do it. That's what these proposals are for- I have to write one as a final paper in two of my classes, so if I do it well then maybe things will become smoother and more focused next semester. Of course if I don't do it well I will just have to do it in the future, prolonging the process. I know I shouldn't be impatient, but I am. I have one friend and colleague from school with whom I can discuss such issues freely (she'll be referred to as H in the future), and we have the same advisor. We agree that if we don't get focused soon, we could be here indefinitely. That's scary and unacceptable. Our advisor has a very hands-off manner (he could let us explore our interests forever) which is nice in a way, but frustrating in another way. He won't be the one pushing us. Of course, it is only my 3rd semester and I don't need to put undue pressure on this, but let's face it... I want to move forward!
I have told two potential committee members about these proposals, so I would like to be able to proudly and confidently share them when I'm done, and hope they'll immediately agree that they would be crazy not to work with me. I need another committee member, as you know, preferably one who is nice, yet pushy. Having someone to help you stay on track seems invaluable at this point.
I have been working hard all weekend and these things aren't flowing as smoothly or as quickly as I would like. I have been somewhat successful in getting some of my other assignments out of the way, though. I should at least give myself credit for that.
Now, for the shallow. Dresses. Do you think they are shallow? TMH and I are going to a formal event on Dec. 1 and it was suggested that I need a new dress. You might understand that buying a dress is not an easy thing to do. Every attempt I have made to order a dress online has failed for one reason or another. One actually came and was a completely different color than I expected. Another one seemed perfect, and Nordstroms let me go a whole two days expecting that it would arrive before I received an email letting me know that it was no longer available and would not be shipped. BOO HOO. I realize, in the grand scheme of things, that this is not a big deal. I will just wear my black dress that I always wear. Somehow, though, that seems disappointing. I guess it seems worse because this whole thing started with the implication that I wear my black dress too often. Let's also not forget that all of these things cost money, which I don't have. The bones are flying lately- it's that time of year, between dresses and cats and haircuts and gifts and trips. (By bones, I mean money, of course. I think it's funny that TMH like to use that word. I think he wants to be a gangster in his next life).
More shallow things: Thanksgiving (actually I think this one fits in an in-between category). TMH and I are going to his parents' for T-day. That's exciting, right? It is very nice that I am welcome to go there (and I went there last year) but it is still a bit sad for me that I haven't been with any part of my family (mom or dad) for the day in several years. The real sadness (that is not shallow) comes from the fact that I always think about being with my dad and his ex-wife's family on T-day. I grew up with a southern Thanksgiving, and I loved it, every year. When he got divorced, that experience ended. I have been back to spend the day with her family (and I know they are still my family) but of course it's not the same. I guess that's what's really bothering me, but let's get back to the current issue: Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, and I like to participate in it actively, which is tough in another family's home. So, this year I think I am going to make a pie to bring with me to their house. A southern pecan pie. I think it will make me feel better. Maybe. I am not really a baker, though. My job was always the cornbread dressing (I'm guessing that would not be an appropriate dish to bring). But let's face it, currently I should not be worried about making pies. I need to focus on more important things, and I should just be thankful that I get to spend the holiday with TMH and his family.
I have told two potential committee members about these proposals, so I would like to be able to proudly and confidently share them when I'm done, and hope they'll immediately agree that they would be crazy not to work with me. I need another committee member, as you know, preferably one who is nice, yet pushy. Having someone to help you stay on track seems invaluable at this point.
I have been working hard all weekend and these things aren't flowing as smoothly or as quickly as I would like. I have been somewhat successful in getting some of my other assignments out of the way, though. I should at least give myself credit for that.
Now, for the shallow. Dresses. Do you think they are shallow? TMH and I are going to a formal event on Dec. 1 and it was suggested that I need a new dress. You might understand that buying a dress is not an easy thing to do. Every attempt I have made to order a dress online has failed for one reason or another. One actually came and was a completely different color than I expected. Another one seemed perfect, and Nordstroms let me go a whole two days expecting that it would arrive before I received an email letting me know that it was no longer available and would not be shipped. BOO HOO. I realize, in the grand scheme of things, that this is not a big deal. I will just wear my black dress that I always wear. Somehow, though, that seems disappointing. I guess it seems worse because this whole thing started with the implication that I wear my black dress too often. Let's also not forget that all of these things cost money, which I don't have. The bones are flying lately- it's that time of year, between dresses and cats and haircuts and gifts and trips. (By bones, I mean money, of course. I think it's funny that TMH like to use that word. I think he wants to be a gangster in his next life).
More shallow things: Thanksgiving (actually I think this one fits in an in-between category). TMH and I are going to his parents' for T-day. That's exciting, right? It is very nice that I am welcome to go there (and I went there last year) but it is still a bit sad for me that I haven't been with any part of my family (mom or dad) for the day in several years. The real sadness (that is not shallow) comes from the fact that I always think about being with my dad and his ex-wife's family on T-day. I grew up with a southern Thanksgiving, and I loved it, every year. When he got divorced, that experience ended. I have been back to spend the day with her family (and I know they are still my family) but of course it's not the same. I guess that's what's really bothering me, but let's get back to the current issue: Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, and I like to participate in it actively, which is tough in another family's home. So, this year I think I am going to make a pie to bring with me to their house. A southern pecan pie. I think it will make me feel better. Maybe. I am not really a baker, though. My job was always the cornbread dressing (I'm guessing that would not be an appropriate dish to bring). But let's face it, currently I should not be worried about making pies. I need to focus on more important things, and I should just be thankful that I get to spend the holiday with TMH and his family.
Friday, November 16, 2007
When the day is done...
I hope you're still the same. I hope that nothing's changed...
The day is definitely done. The week is done too. And wow, what a week it's been! I don't know whether I am happy it is over or not. In a way it's a relief, but in another way it's a stress because I have put such pressure on the weekend. Tomorrow is for all my stats and Sunday is for a good chunk of my proposal. I stayed at work tonight until almost 10. I felt like a true nerd, but I just have to knock this stuff out. Work is really stressful and time-consuming right now, so I worked on work for a while and then I wrote most of a paper. I am trying to knock out the assignments that I just need to get done so I can focus on those in which I am really invested... the ones that will actually carry over into next semester. Time is running out quickly, and how I do now will have a direct impact on how next semester goes (who will agree to work with me, etc). As if I needed the extra pressure.
I won't complain about all the other little things in my life that take time (and energy and money) right now. I won't tell you about my fury after my ridiculously expensive trip to the vet, or any of the other things that are driving me crazy. For now I'll just be glad it's Friday night, I am safe at home with my (expensive) cat, and next week is my 2 year anniversary with TMH AND Thanksgiving. It is a time to remember what we are thankful for, after all.
The day is definitely done. The week is done too. And wow, what a week it's been! I don't know whether I am happy it is over or not. In a way it's a relief, but in another way it's a stress because I have put such pressure on the weekend. Tomorrow is for all my stats and Sunday is for a good chunk of my proposal. I stayed at work tonight until almost 10. I felt like a true nerd, but I just have to knock this stuff out. Work is really stressful and time-consuming right now, so I worked on work for a while and then I wrote most of a paper. I am trying to knock out the assignments that I just need to get done so I can focus on those in which I am really invested... the ones that will actually carry over into next semester. Time is running out quickly, and how I do now will have a direct impact on how next semester goes (who will agree to work with me, etc). As if I needed the extra pressure.
I won't complain about all the other little things in my life that take time (and energy and money) right now. I won't tell you about my fury after my ridiculously expensive trip to the vet, or any of the other things that are driving me crazy. For now I'll just be glad it's Friday night, I am safe at home with my (expensive) cat, and next week is my 2 year anniversary with TMH AND Thanksgiving. It is a time to remember what we are thankful for, after all.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
You keep using that word...
I do not think it means what you think it means.
(I am bummed that no one responded to my previous movie trivia challenge).
The overused words in my life right now are of a wide variety. Epistemology. I don't think anyone really knows what that means, as much as they would like to impress you by how much they do. Ontology, too. If you thought that things just mean what they mean, and you know what you know, boy do you have another thing coming. Unless you're not a grad student, in which case it doesn't matter in the slightest. Hmm. Regression. That's another big one lately. I wonder who decided it was a good idea to fit a straight line to things. And, why does our common usage of the word regression mean to go backward? Usually regressing is not a good thing, right? In statistics it's apparently the best thing you can do. Then there are the common words that are always buzzing around my head. Committee. Proposal. Stress. Craziness. Bad mood. BUSY. Bzz bzz bzzzzzz....
Given my stress, and my concern about how I will actually get everything done, I think I am mostly handling things OK. Do I sound confident, or what? This week has been one of the busiest I can remember, and I haven't even had any big papers due. That scares me. The big issue right now is that I am overscheduled. My days are so full that I don't have enough time to actually get things done, and even when I write things down it is easy to forget them. I have been starting to lose perpective...on the verge of a freak out... but I have kept it at bay. I am proud of myself (so far). I am doing my best... fitting things in... making stuff happen... pulling myself out of dangerous moods... only forgetting minor things. Let's hope I can keep it up as we enter the home stretch. That tread mill is starting to go faster, it's a slippery slope, yadda yadda yadda...
In committee news, I had a very positive meeting with the guy on Monday. That's all I'll say for now. It seemed premature to ask him, after only one meeting, but at least I haven't ruled out the possibility (I realized that I should shift my perspective. I was checking HIM out). He was nice and interested, which is way better than the alternative. It's sort of like dating. We can't get too serious too soon.... but we have starting the courting process. I am optimistic.
In TMH news, he is coming to visit this weekend. Yay for that! (I wonder what he'll think about my keeping the stats book next to the bed. He usually says helpful things, like "sometimes you gotta.") He helps me get out of my head a little bit... it will be nice to have a bit of a break from myself ... and see him, of course! Then in two weeks he'll be back, we'll see his parents for Thanksgiving, and it will be December. But, I am getting ahead of myself for now. One step at a time...
(I am bummed that no one responded to my previous movie trivia challenge).
The overused words in my life right now are of a wide variety. Epistemology. I don't think anyone really knows what that means, as much as they would like to impress you by how much they do. Ontology, too. If you thought that things just mean what they mean, and you know what you know, boy do you have another thing coming. Unless you're not a grad student, in which case it doesn't matter in the slightest. Hmm. Regression. That's another big one lately. I wonder who decided it was a good idea to fit a straight line to things. And, why does our common usage of the word regression mean to go backward? Usually regressing is not a good thing, right? In statistics it's apparently the best thing you can do. Then there are the common words that are always buzzing around my head. Committee. Proposal. Stress. Craziness. Bad mood. BUSY. Bzz bzz bzzzzzz....
Given my stress, and my concern about how I will actually get everything done, I think I am mostly handling things OK. Do I sound confident, or what? This week has been one of the busiest I can remember, and I haven't even had any big papers due. That scares me. The big issue right now is that I am overscheduled. My days are so full that I don't have enough time to actually get things done, and even when I write things down it is easy to forget them. I have been starting to lose perpective...on the verge of a freak out... but I have kept it at bay. I am proud of myself (so far). I am doing my best... fitting things in... making stuff happen... pulling myself out of dangerous moods... only forgetting minor things. Let's hope I can keep it up as we enter the home stretch. That tread mill is starting to go faster, it's a slippery slope, yadda yadda yadda...
In committee news, I had a very positive meeting with the guy on Monday. That's all I'll say for now. It seemed premature to ask him, after only one meeting, but at least I haven't ruled out the possibility (I realized that I should shift my perspective. I was checking HIM out). He was nice and interested, which is way better than the alternative. It's sort of like dating. We can't get too serious too soon.... but we have starting the courting process. I am optimistic.
In TMH news, he is coming to visit this weekend. Yay for that! (I wonder what he'll think about my keeping the stats book next to the bed. He usually says helpful things, like "sometimes you gotta.") He helps me get out of my head a little bit... it will be nice to have a bit of a break from myself ... and see him, of course! Then in two weeks he'll be back, we'll see his parents for Thanksgiving, and it will be December. But, I am getting ahead of myself for now. One step at a time...
Friday, November 2, 2007
How hard is it to just decide to be in a good mood...
and be in one?! (Points to anyone out there who gets the correct movie reference).
I have been working on getting in a better mood. It has been a challenge this week. I am tired of being in a bad mood, though, so something has got to be done. Yesterday was particularly cranky. I took a lot of criticism on several different things that really aren't that important to me. Eventually a person has enough, you know? There is only so much criticism you can take. Of course, as a grad student, your threshold for criticism has to be rather high. This week in particular I feel like I have been forced to spend a lot of time on trivial things that really aren't that important, and then take flack for them. All of this negative energy caused me to make a list yesterday during my statistics class (he wasn't really talking about anything useful, and I was so mad I couldn't focus). This is what my list looks like:
GOALS
1. Don't take things personally.
2. Prioritize
3. React better to criticim (see #1).
4. Breathe
5. Rest
6. Run
7. Vent
8. Don't sweat the small stuff (see #2). Some things are not important.
9. Do my best with the constraints I face in the moment.
10. Try to maintain a positive attitude.
I felt better after making the list. I really have to try to live by it. I realize that things are only going to get more challenging as I get further into my work. I should not take it personally that my professor said she won't be on my committee. She is busy. I should not care about people who complain about things that I don't care about- it's a waste of energy. I have goals, but as was reinforced on Grey's Anatomy last night, "being aware of your crap and actually dealing with it are two very different things." I'm sure it's not surprising that these words really resonated with me.
I have started the day feeling better, though. It helps that I saw E last night and we watched TV and vented. (Sometimes too much alone time is bad for me- it can be easy to lose perspective). I also bought a new umbrella- it's very fun PMP. I have had a productive morning so far, and I have a meeting on Monday with another potential committee candidate. I have my work cut out for me this weekend, but I am feeling positive. So, for now, deciding to be in a good mood has been successful. Happy November, everyone!
I have been working on getting in a better mood. It has been a challenge this week. I am tired of being in a bad mood, though, so something has got to be done. Yesterday was particularly cranky. I took a lot of criticism on several different things that really aren't that important to me. Eventually a person has enough, you know? There is only so much criticism you can take. Of course, as a grad student, your threshold for criticism has to be rather high. This week in particular I feel like I have been forced to spend a lot of time on trivial things that really aren't that important, and then take flack for them. All of this negative energy caused me to make a list yesterday during my statistics class (he wasn't really talking about anything useful, and I was so mad I couldn't focus). This is what my list looks like:
GOALS
1. Don't take things personally.
2. Prioritize
3. React better to criticim (see #1).
4. Breathe
5. Rest
6. Run
7. Vent
8. Don't sweat the small stuff (see #2). Some things are not important.
9. Do my best with the constraints I face in the moment.
10. Try to maintain a positive attitude.
I felt better after making the list. I really have to try to live by it. I realize that things are only going to get more challenging as I get further into my work. I should not take it personally that my professor said she won't be on my committee. She is busy. I should not care about people who complain about things that I don't care about- it's a waste of energy. I have goals, but as was reinforced on Grey's Anatomy last night, "being aware of your crap and actually dealing with it are two very different things." I'm sure it's not surprising that these words really resonated with me.
I have started the day feeling better, though. It helps that I saw E last night and we watched TV and vented. (Sometimes too much alone time is bad for me- it can be easy to lose perspective). I also bought a new umbrella- it's very fun PMP. I have had a productive morning so far, and I have a meeting on Monday with another potential committee candidate. I have my work cut out for me this weekend, but I am feeling positive. So, for now, deciding to be in a good mood has been successful. Happy November, everyone!
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