I am reminded of a line from Grosse Point Blank- "leave your livestock alone." Reunions and new year's as typical occasions to pause and reflect are probably not really necessary for someone like me, who seems to be in a perpetual state of reflection, but I do feel some obligation to mark the transition from 2007 to 2008, both years that I think will go down as big ones in the history of PMP. While I know I've come a long way in 2007 (just look at all the things I did- finishing my first year of coursework, having a hellish summer job and then winning an award at one of the best schools in the country, writing proposals, staying healthy and building my relationship with TMH are among the highlights) I have a feeling that 2007 was still part of the foreword: there is MUCH more to come. I have to look ahead right now, but I also have to live in the moment and be happy with where I am. For perhaps the first time, ever, I feel I can almost (*sigh*) do that.
I am home. One of my homes, I should say. The one where my mother lives. Once again I am sitting in the library that I sat in as a child after school... and once again the same librarian is here. You would think that by now I would have gotten used to the fact that many people tend to stay in the same place and do the same thing for most of their lives, and that's ok. In fact, it's admirable. It is 2008, though, now, and as TMH pointed out, that means we are getting older. Hmm. I think that I felt that way in 2005, and I am guessing I will still feel that way in 2010 and 2015. "Time marches on, and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face." It's true that in many ways the passage of time is not so important... too bad the other ways are so difficult to ignore.
I am at a bit of a crossroads. My vaciones were wonderful. I really took a break. I even took a break from pondering. It was so refreshing to not even really think about anything for a while. TMH and I had fun in the sun on our beach vacation. We slept and swam (and swam with dolphins!) and ate and drank and forgot about life for almost 5 days. It was awesome. Then we both went back to our respective families to have Christmas, and then we reunited at his place to celebrate the end of 2007 and the beginning of 2008. The second part of our vacation was a little more reflective. We talked about the future, for one thing, and I realized, if I hadn't already, that I really have my work cut out for me in 2008.
I don't want to jinx myself- I hate to put things out there as goals in case they don't happen- but if all goes well 2008 will mark some major milestones for me and my PhD. That's exciting, but also a bit scary. I have A LOT to do. The good news is that TMH seems to be right there with me (figuratively, not literally. It sucks to be back to the distance thing after we were able to spend nearly 2 weeks together, but such is life). This is one reason I am at the library right now. Anxiety was starting to creep in. I need to get back to work, right away! It's time to get focused. Last semester's proposals were a good start, and now I need to move them forward and make them happen.
I don't have to be back at school for another week and a half, and part of me knows that it would be better to be back now so I could get more done, but the other part of me knows that I can work here (being back does not mean I wouldn't still procrastinate), I need to take this time to spend with my mom (who really is getting older- I know I say this every time I am here as well), and if I were back I would be lonely and freezing and wondering why I didn't just stay. So, I am here and happy about it. Next week I am going to see my dad and celebrate his 60th birthday for a couple of days, then I'll be celebrating TMH's birthday in the REALLY big city (not to be confused with his big city of residence) and then I'll be back at school. I just have to make sure that while I'm here I don't waste my time. Today was the day to get back into the mindset of my work, though, and I am doing it, and I am excited about it. So there!
Bring on 2008, with all of its anticipated trials and tribulations, adventures and milestones!
No comments:
Post a Comment