These are Days

To remember. And to freak out a little bit.

It's that kind of week. I am going out of town, to my annual professional conference in the Big City, tomorrow. I have a lot to do because of my trip (like being told to completely redo a handout when it was all done and ready to go. Whatever. Things like that barely phase me at this point), but I am also suffering from a little anxiety. Shocking, right? There is so much to cross off the list in the next few weeks, and as my friend pointed out today, this might be our last semester of classes, EVER. So we might be entering the last month of coursework, ever. Might being the operative world. I'm cautiously optimistic that I really will be done (remember how I'm a 6. It's natural for me to be skeptical. And I do have the sense that I might have to at least audit a course next semester to fulfill my minor). In any case it's the last semester of its kind, which of course is exciting (and terrifying). Life is going to change dramatically. But, I have to still try to live in the present. If it were sunny, I might even feel a shaft of light make its way across my face.

Let me skip to what happens the week after the conference. I have coffee with my advisor and my new committee member (so they can meet!). I give an open presentation of my work to the department. And that's just in the first week immediately after. I could continue and tell you now about all of the other things I have to do in April in order to finish the semester and get ready for the next stage of my plan. I know, I know, one thing at a time.

I am looking forward to my conference. I am definitely excited about seeing one of my best friends, enjoying the city, and taking as much time to myself before the semester enters its final crucial stage. The conference is something I attend as part of my job, which is in some ways divorced from my research, unfortunately. I would like to bring the two together, but there are status issues at play. In a way I started a PhD to move beyond this field, but at the same time I have made a valuable name for myself with this group. My advisor doesn't seem to respect the scholarship of this conference, and the conference attendees don't really pay attention to the issues on which I am currently focusing. My boss doesn't even know what my research interests are-- they are not perceived as directly relevant to the work that I do. They are, though! That's what I get for spanning different fields. Lots of people really like to live in their own little boxes. There is much more to learning language than what happens in the classroom. I argue that external factors have as much, if not more, impact on program success as do internal issues. So, to simplify, the conference is mostly about the ESL classroom, and my research is about the larger university system, policy, organizational behavior. My gift is seeing and making connections--- I do hope it will serve me well in the future. At least I will take my chance to explain why my interests are important and what niche I hope to fill... all the while walking the line, of course. The people that I meet year after year at this conference may very well be valuable resources for my future employment, and when it comes down to it I will be able to work in many different capacities. Let's see if I have the chance to choose.

I am getting ahead of myself, as usual. These are days....

-to make the most of a conference I have been attending since 2002
-to make the most of my last (fingers crossed!) semester of coursework
-to appreciate the life that I have now before it changes too much (before I enter the exciting next stage)