Achievers and Loyalists

Just to update from my last post---it pays to share. I told enough people the overview of my tax issue to find out that there is a tax form I can fill out that lets me take a credit for taxes paid in another state. So now I have that form. That's just more evidence for those of you who think you should keep your troubles to yourself.


So, here we are at Friday again. Last Friday we were skiing, which feels like ages ago, and next Friday I'll be in the Big City at a conference. Time just goes and goes. All in all it was a decent week.. though I was so happy to see Friday again. As I predicted, things are a little crazy, but I think it's still the relative calm before the storm. April hasn't hit, yet. I got to catch up with my friend E tonight, which always makes me feel great. She made me a yummy dinner and we had fun treats and we went to Target AND we did fun stuff to our hair. That's just fun overload for PMP... yay!

TMH has been working like crazy still. It's tough. Of course I am busy too, but it's a totally different kind of busy. You may remember some time ago, I talked about the enneagram, and how I am a 6- the loyalist. I recently revisited my enneagram book... thinking it might provide new insight into my relationship. I really am a textbook 6- "reliable, hard-working, organizing, vigilant, dutiful, evaluating, persevering, cautious, anxious, believing and doubting, conservative and liberal."


free enneagram test

Yep, that's me. A contradiction in terms. (I have to say that my book is better than this website). Something inspired me to have a look at my book again, and the words really jumped off the page. Apparently sixes live in a state of worry and find things to worry about: "they are troubled by an undercurrent of doubt and anxiety." They also are likely to clean the house or reorganize the closet in an attempt to relieve anxiety about larger issues. Goodness... sound familiar?! I realized that TMH is always criticizing me for my doubt and anxiety ("you're always skeptical"), but apparently it is typical for 6s to question even their most ardent supporters. See, I am not alone! Of course, 6s have a lot of excellent qualities...they are good at anticipating problems, for one, which is really just a nice way of saying that it pays to be cautious and/or suspicious. But really :"They are strongly committed and loyal to the people in their lives, and they work hard to build stability, security, and prosperity in their homes, jobs and communities. Healthy sixes are the foundation of any society." See!!!!

Then I moved on to investigate TMH- he is a classic 3- the Achiever. At least I hope he is a healthy 3. For a while I had issues accepting that he was a 3, because traditionally that was a type with which I felt inherent discord. The biggest problem I have with 3s is that they tend to be into status and image (Recall my rant about why money is NOT necessary. I tend to associate 3s with showing off). I really think that TMH is a 3 who doesn't care that much about what other people think, if such a combination is possible. But he's definitely a 3. It speaks to me even more now that he's working so much. "Threes grow by recognizing that they do not need to separate their work and functioning from their feelings. Threes believe they will be less effective and competent if they allow their feelings to enter the picture. Thus, they wait until they are done with their tasks before they pay any attention to their emotions...growth for threes involves pausing while working and actively checking in with their feelings." Hello, this is exactly what has been going on with us.... this is what I have been telling TMH for the past few weeks. So there. Threes are real stars- and at their best can be very inspiring (and he definitely is)- but tend to be out of touch with their emotions.
free enneagram test

I was trying to talk to TMH about this tonight. It wasn't a good time for him (too much work and not enough sleep mean TMH might not be as likely to humor PMP with her need to talk). He told me to "write about it or something." So I guess that's what I am doing. I understand that scales like this don't solve problems, but they can be useful tools to help people understand each other, or at least recognize behavior. I just thought it was interesting to open my book and find written in print essentially the same advice I have been trying to give him for weeks (as well as the same criticisms he always has of me).

So, what's the next step? For now, it's definitely bed. Happy weekend, everyone.