So, the meeting and presentation didn't go very well on Friday. I wouldn't say they went poorly, but they certainly weren't great. Let's just say I have my work cut out for me.
Then TMH was here and we had a great time and I forgot about the world for a day and a half. I needed to forget. And then, as you might imagine, it all came crashing down on me. I was looking forward to his visit for so long and then when he was packing up to go I just fell apart. I am worried about how I will get through the semester. It is natural for me to be overwhelmed. Not surprising in the slightest. Anyone would agree that I have a lot to juggle at the moment. The problem is that in addition to feeling overwhelmed I am starting to feel inadequate. Now is not the time to have a crisis of confidence. My confidence, as you might have noticed, was already an issue.
I was already dreading the week ahead, DREADING, I say, when I checked my email to find that I will be observed teaching on Tuesday morning. During the worst week of the semester. The one week where I have absolutely no idea what I am teaching (which really wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have an external audience). The week of final assessments, among other things. So I can add one more thing to my list of things that are stressing me out. I just want to get to Friday. All I can do is take it day by day, and try my best, as my mom always says. Or as "best" as I can, given the circumstances.
TMH told me that I complain a lot on my blog. I wasn't sure whether I believed him. For this post, I guess, I am proving him right. But I wouldn't say I complain a lot. And how do you define complaining? What if you are just stating your very real feelings on a topic? The real question is whether my "complaining" is entertaining. Stay tuned for more detailed descriptions of what's been going on, including a post entitled "My Enemy" (Yes, I have an enemy. Go figure. Just what I need, right?) When I have time I'll tell you all about her.
5 comments:
Oh, dear! I know it's hard to believe when someone else says it, but you ARE up to the challenge! It wouldn't be a challenge if it were easy, and it wouldn't mean getting a PhD if it weren't a challenge.
You have every right in the world to complain on this here blog! Hells yeah - you need to vent, don't you? I certainly do on mine.
Let me know if you want to hang out - maybe a trip to that brew pub is in order on a Friday night.
Hang in there, PMP! *hugs*
Not complaints, but ponderings! :)
I love reading your blog - complaining or not. I have been known to complain on the odd occasion - it must run in the family! I am planning a trip to China in Septemebr - want to come?
My editorial hat suggests you consider "nemesis" instead of "enemy." Enemies are created through mutual effort, but nemeses are destined to thwart you. Thus, when you complain about a nemesis you are neither (a) partly responsible for the emnity and (b-- for bonus) nemesis-complaints can become vessels for all sorts of existential rants! And, I say complain on. Sometimes stuff just sucks and it is nonsense and unhealthy to pretend otherwise! (Beware, though, I had a nemesis once who turned out to be a wonderful person...sometimes the strong antipathy is like a north-north magnetic inattraction. Or the person could just be a really unhealthy 8!)
Well, she called herself "my enemy" when she was talking to someone else, so perhaps I should suggest that she is wrong. She is definitely wrong. More about her soon!
Thanks to everyone else for their support. Comments, complaints, ponderings, whatever. My life right now.
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