If things are looking up on a Monday, that's good, right?
I woke up at 5 am today after a nightmare about missing work. I was on a bus with all the other teachers and for some reason we just couldn't get there. We all got fired. What does this tell you? That I am still taking this job too seriously. I think I am more nervous than usual because I know I am going to be observed soon. Once that is done I will feel much better.
Despite that relatively ominous start to the day, it turned out well. My students were engaged, my planned activities went well and overall things are much happier. Yay! I am exhausted, though. TI-red. But that's good. I have set things up for the rest of the week (mostly) so I hope it all flows smoothly.
TMH and I had a good time on Saturday. We went exploring the coast a bit. You know me... anything to do with the beach is good. It was nice to get out of town for a day.
I do still feel a little off. I am not sure if I'm homesick, or I just haven't fully accepted the nature of my summer, or what. I AM happy to be here. I guess it's normal to want to be able to do different things at once, right? In a way I feel like I am on a break from my real life... like things are somehow disconnected. It's hard to explain. It reminds me of when I was little and I went back and forth between my divorced parents. I wish I could have more overlap between all the different versions of myself. It bothers me that not many of my friends know TMH. It bothers me that I am disconnected (and disconnecting) from some friends. Maybe I need a new version of me, like Felicity? A me that brings all these different pieces together? I have to think about this. When it comes down to it, at the end of the summer I have to go back to the other me, that is a grad student and worries about very different things than I am worried about now. Why is this so disconcerting? And, more importantly, why am I worried about it now?
Ok, I started on an up beat, and something happened. I'll try again tomorrow.
1 comment:
I can appreciate the fragmentation you're talking about. If there were clearer connections between the job you have now and what you really want to accomplish in your career, I bet you wouldn't feel so out of touch. Remember, too, that you're dealing with the newness of life with TMH without all the normalcy of your other life, and vice versa, you're dealing with the craziness of the job without the PMP space and time that you normally have. It's a lot to process all at once, so, maybe cut yourself some slack and recognize that. ;-)
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