Life Choices

How does one decide what path her life will take??? I don't think I decided, which may explain how I ended up here. Somehow things just kept happening and I ended up in a good place. Looking back, I can definitely make a clear and coherent story of the progression, and it almost looks like I planned it. But, I didn't. Really. Despite the perceived chaos of it all, things seem to be turning out very well (though I definitely don't always think so, and I didn't think so at many stages along the way. There are definitely days when I have to ignore the voice reminding me that I'm 32 and single and I don't have any kids- and I wonder whose voice that is. Society's? I usually can ignore it).

I don't think any woman at about my age doesn't question her life a bit. Are you married, do you own a house, do you have kids, do you have what you want, ARE YOU HAPPY? How do you measure up, by societal standards?? Too many questions, and too much pressure. It is clear that some women definitely start their 20s (or maybe even sooner) with a plan, and go about checking things off the list. I know some of them. It is clear they approached their life with an agenda that I didn't have. Do you think they are somehow more satisfied now, or when it comes down to it they still have this inner doubt?

And, is it possible to have EVERYTHING? People often say you can only have a couple of things in your life that make you happy at one time. Like you can have a job and a relationship... or a relationship and a house... or a personal life and a good income (minus the job satisfaction).. you can never have 3 of the big things together. You may only be able to have one thing at a time. I definitely get frustrated that I live here by myself, and the rest of my life feels like it's on hold. On the other hand, I realize I am super lucky to be able to have the experience I am having now. I am working hard, but hopefully I am working toward something and at the end it will all be worth it and I will be able to have those other things that I am missing. Those days that I miss TMH, and my mom, and wonder why I live here.... I just have to think that it is worth it. And it is, even though there are never any guarantees about the future. Of course there are other days when I wouldn't trade my life here and the limited time that I have to do this for anything.

My friend's visit has sparked these questions. She is living a struggle that I find hard to understand.... but it really has to do with all of these things. She is having a crisis of priorities, really. Which is more important? Relationship? Job satisfaction? Income? Geography? Why should we have to choose? Her problem (and mine, really, and that of many other people our age) is that she was raised with the idea that she can do whatever she wants. We should be able to have our cake and eat it too. No one ever tells you to work hard, and oh by the way, parts of your job will be really crappy. No one tells you about compromise: it can be a good thing, and is necessary at times. Being idealistic doesn't really pay, nor does education for education's sake, unless you are very clear on your priorities when you start. I just saw a group on a social networking site: "I majored in what I liked and someday I will be living in a box." It's sad.... but reality. Why doesn't it pay to be smart and study what you like? It's all about changing it around and making it profitable until it's something you don't even like anymore.

Oh well... this is one problem I don't have. I am proud of my liberal arts education and knowledge for the sake of knowledge. I did find something I like (and I'm good at) and can mostly stomach and get excited about/feel proud of, most of the time.... and I only occasionally get defensive about why it pays less than other jobs (and I'm working on not getting defensive at all, but that's tough). I think that's all you can really ask. I do not expect to ever be incredibly well paid, but at the same time I did not start out with that as a priority.

This is a cyclical and connected argument. A liberal arts education SHOULD be education for education's sake that ALSO prepares you for the real world. You should be able to study esoteric things and practical things. You should have to learn statistics and consider career options. Why are such things necessarily contradictory?

Back to my friend's problem: an unsatisfying job that pays really well, and a desire for more academics that won't pay. Hmm... I don't know. But clearly some of her satisfaction comes from her income. What's a girl to do? Buy a new car, I guess, and hope to figure it out eventually.

My point is really that we can't be expected to figure everything out at once... and everyone is entitled to her own priorities and her own sense of what's important.