...what lies ahead I have no way of knowing.
I know, it's been a long time. As you might expect (or know already) these exams have been kinda kicking my butt. I am just ready to be done! But I am doing it. Slow and steady wins the race, you know. This process is very much like a marathon, and I am in the home stretch now. Just for the record, as of today I have turned in 70 pages of text (30, 30 and 10). I am on the last part now. My goal is to turn it in on Friday morning before I head out of town for my good friend's wedding. Ah... the end is in sight!
A few developments since my last (long ago) post:
1. I had to deal with university bureaucracy that almost sent me over the edge. Only it didn't. I can't have my official oral exam (where they grill me on what I wrote) on the original date because my 3rd committee member won't be official until 2 days later (because of some weird university rules). 48 hours- ridiculous! It sounds like no big deal now, but at the time it was definitely a drama, involving me running around all over campus trying to navigate the system. So, my exam is now scheduled for October 27. That gives my committee an extra week to read my stuff, and me more time to stress about it. I guess it also gives me more time to get ready, too, but you know these things always take as long as you let them. Hopefully everything will go smoothly between now and then and my 3rd committee member really will become official. The irony was not lost on any of my committee: my project is entitled "Navigating Graduate School:... yadda yadda yadda" and here I am, living it. It takes experiential learning a little to the extreme if you ask me. One of the perils of studying organizational behavior, too. Organizations (and specifically universities) are dysfunctional... not really a shocker. It really makes me appreciate how hard things must be on my students.... hence, my dissertation topic. At least it all connects.
2. I have become incredibly fired up about Sarah Palin. Enough said. At least she (and Tina Fey) are keeping things lively in the news at the moment. Of course it will no longer be amusing if she actually becomes VP. We just all have to hope. And not be too scared that she is actually on TV saying the things that she says. My favorite quote from last night's SNL skit- "I believe marriage is a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." Awesome. She's such an ignorant hypocrite, and she stands to take women back decades in their progress. So let's all just make sure McCain stays in the Senate and she stays up there in Alaska where she belongs.
3. On a lighter note in that regard, Palin did provide me with inspiration for Halloween. Yep, I'm going to be her. Just get me some Tina Fey glasses, peach lipstick and a flag pin and I'll be all set. I've been practicing my lingo: doggone it, bless their hearts, and you betcha'. I can see Russia from my house.
4. I realize that I hate people who talk in the library. I have become like an old curmudgeon. But honestly, when did it become acceptable to chat loudly with others, on cell phones, etc., in the libary?????? It is super annoying. And rude. And disrespectful. I mean, I can't stay in my apartment all the time. Aren't libraries supposed to be quiet places to read and ponder? I miss the mean librarians from back in the day. At least back then people shut up already.
5. I had drama with my class this semester. I guess I was due for a dud class, but was hoping not to have to deal with something extra during this already stressful time. Every class is like pulling teeth. We had a talk and cleared the air in Thursday's class, though, so hopefully things will go more smoothly. I was afraid people would assume that I was neglecting my class because of my exams, when in actuality I have spent more time on it than usual because they are such pains in my butt! There is no worse feeling for me than feeling like a bad teacher. I realized that I am doing all the good teacher things I always do, and now it is up to them to step up.
6. I freaked out a little bit about what comes next. I really am not sure what lies ahead. For the most part I have been doing a good job at taking things one step at a time. After I finish this I will be able to think a bit more about the details of my research plans, moving to TMH, planning a wedding, and all of the exciting (but terrifying) next steps.
Otherwise, I really do love October. The weather is beautiful and baseball is exciting (Go Sox!). It's really an important time for me, and even though the next steps are kind of uncertain, I do have to acknowledge that I'm lucky, and I'm in a pretty good spot. On that note, it's time to get back to it!
Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Grumpy butt
Yep, that's me. Grumpy and whiney and cynical and in other ways feeling pretty unpleasant, which makes TMH's sort-of term of endearment particularly appropriate today.
Just what you were looking for, right? Complaints from PMP. Oh well. Sometimes it can't be helped. Look at me using passive voice. If I were teaching myself I would say "who can't help it?" Oh, ok, ok, sometimes I can't help it. How hard is it to just decide to be in a good mood, and be in a good mood? Well, sometimes it's hard.
I actually wrote the title of this post many hours ago. I have spent all afternoon working, on my teacher work and my student work, and I feel a little better than I did when I started. Except that I have been working ALL DAY LONG and have so much more to do. Why am I grumpy, though?
1. My students' papers are frustrating. Some don't make any sense still, after five weeks. Ugh. Some are just annoying because they are careless and lazy. Use spell check, or I won't read your paper. Really. Some don't listen or know how to follow directions. No, you can't just choose any random topic and go on at length about it without following any specific format. You just can't. ARGH. I just wrote out the guidelines of the assignment for my own benefit; don't bother to read them. My students are supposed to be ADVANCED, as they are soon to become full-fledged students in a very prestigious program. They will probably all graduate and make way more money than I do and wonder why I got so worked up about how to write a proper introduction to an academic essay. What I am teaching them probably won't matter at all. They'll get through, regardless. Why? Because they're cash cows for the university. I hate to say it, but it's true. Just let them come and let them pay and let them slide through without mastering basic skills that "good" students learned in high school. Why not? Who cares? I am one of a small handfull, I think. Of course, some students do care and they do learn a lot and they are eternally grateful. Some. I met up with a few of my former students the other night, and was saddened to see that one of them was WAY worse at communicating in English than he was last year. After a year here in the U.S., he is worse than he was at the end of an 8-week summer program. How is that possible? (And he's talking to ME, mind you. At this point I can understand almost anything that even barely approaches something like English). He spoke Korean all year. His company is sponsoring him (hello, cash cow... completely free money for the university) and he has to go back to Korea when he's done. He seems to have no incentive to improve, and apparently his incomprehensibility has had no effect on his grades, and he has not been asked to do anything about it. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. WTF? At least you can see I am getting some good fuel for my research.
2. I am currently tired of my role as a peacemaker. I do it in almost every aspect of my life. With friends, with family, with partner teachers and coworkers, with TMH. Don't let anyone ELSE get mad. Don't worry, PMP won't mind. PMP doesn't mind anything. Nope, I don't mind at all. I'm soooooooooooooo accomodating. Don't push me too far, though, or it'll be no more Ms. Nice PMP, which will be unpleasant for everyone. The trouble is, that would be super unpleasant for ME, too. So you see, I can't win.
That's enough of my grumpy butt. I am clearly just feeling unappreciated on all fronts. I'll try to turn it around. I am happy that I am getting fired up about my research. I am happy that I finally got approval to do it! Official, honest-to-goodness approval with a real certicate and everything, from this university and my home university. It's looking like it's going to be a comparative study. At least I care about it. It's not a good idea to start a project that you're not passionate about... so I have that part covered.
In terms of issue #2 I don't know what to say. I don't want to worry about it right now. Someone has to be the one that gets along. As my partner teacher said on Friday, "we couldn't all be like me." Um, no, that wouldn't work. It's just frustrating that I am always the one who has to get along. I guess that's why I am such an asset, right? It's a GOOD thing about me. Just an under-appreciated thing.
I know a lot of my grumpiness is also related to my general stress level about life and the uncertainty that lies ahead. I have A LOT of uncertainty ahead, and times of change, and stress and such things just lurking around the corner called summer school. And I'll just have to deal with it. And I will. And it will all be fine, one way or another, though for sure it is going to be painful at times. I know it will. Ugh. And it will be a popular topic on this blog for many months to come, I fear. I apologize in advance.
For now, let me pat myself on the back for getting research approval, and for being a good teacher, a good listener, and someone who cares. And for getting through five weeks of summer school! Time to put away the computer and try to enjoy my Sunday evening (the Sox better do better tonight. Really!)
Just what you were looking for, right? Complaints from PMP. Oh well. Sometimes it can't be helped. Look at me using passive voice. If I were teaching myself I would say "who can't help it?" Oh, ok, ok, sometimes I can't help it. How hard is it to just decide to be in a good mood, and be in a good mood? Well, sometimes it's hard.
I actually wrote the title of this post many hours ago. I have spent all afternoon working, on my teacher work and my student work, and I feel a little better than I did when I started. Except that I have been working ALL DAY LONG and have so much more to do. Why am I grumpy, though?
1. My students' papers are frustrating. Some don't make any sense still, after five weeks. Ugh. Some are just annoying because they are careless and lazy. Use spell check, or I won't read your paper. Really. Some don't listen or know how to follow directions. No, you can't just choose any random topic and go on at length about it without following any specific format. You just can't. ARGH. I just wrote out the guidelines of the assignment for my own benefit; don't bother to read them. My students are supposed to be ADVANCED, as they are soon to become full-fledged students in a very prestigious program. They will probably all graduate and make way more money than I do and wonder why I got so worked up about how to write a proper introduction to an academic essay. What I am teaching them probably won't matter at all. They'll get through, regardless. Why? Because they're cash cows for the university. I hate to say it, but it's true. Just let them come and let them pay and let them slide through without mastering basic skills that "good" students learned in high school. Why not? Who cares? I am one of a small handfull, I think. Of course, some students do care and they do learn a lot and they are eternally grateful. Some. I met up with a few of my former students the other night, and was saddened to see that one of them was WAY worse at communicating in English than he was last year. After a year here in the U.S., he is worse than he was at the end of an 8-week summer program. How is that possible? (And he's talking to ME, mind you. At this point I can understand almost anything that even barely approaches something like English). He spoke Korean all year. His company is sponsoring him (hello, cash cow... completely free money for the university) and he has to go back to Korea when he's done. He seems to have no incentive to improve, and apparently his incomprehensibility has had no effect on his grades, and he has not been asked to do anything about it. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. WTF? At least you can see I am getting some good fuel for my research.
2. I am currently tired of my role as a peacemaker. I do it in almost every aspect of my life. With friends, with family, with partner teachers and coworkers, with TMH. Don't let anyone ELSE get mad. Don't worry, PMP won't mind. PMP doesn't mind anything. Nope, I don't mind at all. I'm soooooooooooooo accomodating. Don't push me too far, though, or it'll be no more Ms. Nice PMP, which will be unpleasant for everyone. The trouble is, that would be super unpleasant for ME, too. So you see, I can't win.
That's enough of my grumpy butt. I am clearly just feeling unappreciated on all fronts. I'll try to turn it around. I am happy that I am getting fired up about my research. I am happy that I finally got approval to do it! Official, honest-to-goodness approval with a real certicate and everything, from this university and my home university. It's looking like it's going to be a comparative study. At least I care about it. It's not a good idea to start a project that you're not passionate about... so I have that part covered.
In terms of issue #2 I don't know what to say. I don't want to worry about it right now. Someone has to be the one that gets along. As my partner teacher said on Friday, "we couldn't all be like me." Um, no, that wouldn't work. It's just frustrating that I am always the one who has to get along. I guess that's why I am such an asset, right? It's a GOOD thing about me. Just an under-appreciated thing.
I know a lot of my grumpiness is also related to my general stress level about life and the uncertainty that lies ahead. I have A LOT of uncertainty ahead, and times of change, and stress and such things just lurking around the corner called summer school. And I'll just have to deal with it. And I will. And it will all be fine, one way or another, though for sure it is going to be painful at times. I know it will. Ugh. And it will be a popular topic on this blog for many months to come, I fear. I apologize in advance.
For now, let me pat myself on the back for getting research approval, and for being a good teacher, a good listener, and someone who cares. And for getting through five weeks of summer school! Time to put away the computer and try to enjoy my Sunday evening (the Sox better do better tonight. Really!)
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