Vamos a Costa Rica

Yes, yes, that's right! TMH and I have figured out our honeymoon. I am so excited. I initially thought that Costa Rica was going to cost too much because of the plane tickets... and then I was able to come through with an award ticket! I shouldn't say it's a free ticket, actually, but it's nice to see a side result of all those nights out and trips to Target. I am glad I've been saving my miles... I couldn't think of a better way to spend them! I am so excited about vacation. We really need one. A real honeymoon, complete with beach, rainforests and a volcano. We are going from Dec. 30- Jan. 8. Can't wait!

Getting our trip planned honestly helped me turn things around .... I was in a bit of a slump there for a couple of weeks. I think it's only natural, really.... a delayed response to all the life changes I have experienced in the past few months, mainly my move here. Summer school was fine and familiar, the fall semester started with much fuss about wedding prep, and then it all came and went and I was left thinking... oh crap, I live here now. Now what? Don't get me wrong. I love it here. I get to live with TMH and we have a great place and this is a fantastic city, we are quite happy together, etc. But regardless of all those great things, it's hard. I don't have a support network here (besides TMH, of course). I don't have a "real job" or an office. I miss my grad school girls. We are still helping each other get through this but it's not so easy from afar. On a day to day basis my life is pretty solitary. My advisor, much like when I lived right next to him, does not respond to my questions. My department seems to be falling apart at the seams, and there are threats of closure. While all of this does not impact me directly, it is certainly unsettling. The prospect of finishing my dissertation is daunting, to say the least, and my foray into the employment opportunities here has been disappointing. Was I crazy to leave my old job? I spent 5 years learning the crazy of my former job... now I am just at the tip of the crazy iceberg here. It's unsettling, I should say. I have learned some pretty disturbing things about the universities around here, too, and had some frustrating meetings with bitter 50 pushing 60 something women who seem to be in charge of everything. My favorite people to work for, you know. The bright side of that is that I am actually interested in the crazy that goes on in universities... and specifically how it affects grad students. So maybe I have been asking for this? Talk about real life experience informing my work.

I know, I know! Ridiculous, right? Just get over it, PMP, life is good, things will work out, etc. Well, it is good. Things will work out and I am turning things around. I have started myself on a new routine, and all the moves I have been making to improve things for myself here are starting to happen:

1. I have finally found a Spanish conversation partner--our first meeting is next week! Very excited as I have been meaning to do this for a while and now I have an added incentive. Vamos a Costa Rica y quiero hablar con la gente! Costa Ricans are some of the best people on earth, and they speak the best Spanish, so I'll be damned if I am going to show up as rusty as I am right now. Also, this will serve to increase the number of people I talk to in the week. Not a friend, exactly, but a start.

2. As a happy side effect of one of my meetings with a crazy director (you would not believe some of the things she said to me), I am now on her referral list for tutors. So when a student writes to her and wants to know about resources in the area to help her improve her communication skills, I might get the email. So now I have my first private student! I am excited about this too. She is motivated, and excited to improve her skills, and as an added bonus, she is studying in business school and not afraid to pay. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I can set up a lucrative side business for myself? Having more to do and more people to talk to apart from the dissertation will be good for me... more brackets on my routine, less crazy hermit potential, and a bit more money. You know, the more you have to do the more you get done, they say.... and it's definitely true for me!

3. My class at the other university continues to go well, though it is a bit frustrating how slow it is to make things happen there. Next semester's prospects are still uncertain though my boss is really optimistic we can continue to build the program. I guess I might as well be optimistic too! Two deans (DEANS!) are coming to observe my class next week to see what they think. Um, ok. TWO DEANS ARE COMING TO OBSERVE THE CLASS NEXT WEEK. I have never taught in such a situation where my whole future depends on how I do at any given moment. I am doing well so far, apparently. Since this is a pilot, they want to decide if it's something they'd like to have all the time. Clearly I hope they decide it's something they'd like to have all the time! No pressure. Just teach a normal class, PMP. But of course I keep thinking and second guessing (what's the best activity for them to see? what if this and that happens?). Ugh. But it is definitely exciting.

4. I have set up more of a routine for myself as a side effect of all of these other things going on (and the realization that I was slowly driving myself insane). Too much working on the dissertation from home was turning in to not enough working and many opportunities for procrastination and wallowing in self-doubt (clearly I need to clean the floor/do laundry/pay bills etc. right now instead). It was even getting hard to go outside, to get out of the apartment, which was kind of scary. I am now going to the library as if I am going to work and so far the results have been amazing. So much more productive! So let's keep it that way. Now if I could just get my committee to be a bit more responsive. One thing at a time, though, right? At the moment I do feel like I can do it. And on that note, I'm off to the library. It doesn't open until 9:00, so now I have an excuse not to start work until 9:00! Whatever works. It is GOING to happen. It is. Just you wait.