You take the good, you take the bad...

You want the good news or the bad news first? It's a lot for one post but here you have it:

1. I have a job. A real, honest to goodness, give me an email address, give me an ID and make me official J-O-B. The deans and my boss had a meeting last week and they quickly agreed to all of our conditions. They want to take steps to making the program I have been working on permanent, and to start with, they want me to commit to working there in a temporary position until May. They want me to understand that this is a step in the direction of posting a full-time position for which I can apply next spring (they can't just hire me for this kind of job without doing a search, etc). Do you know what this means? I have a job, with no worries until May. My friend goes, "can you imagine just working there and not having to worry about it? what are you going to do with all your free time?" It's an excellent opportunity, with lots of possibilities for the future, I think. It's almost hard to believe, though TMH says it isn't, since I have basically been working towards this for the past year. Nice to see my work is paying off! I didn't get invited to the meeting but I saw some of the big wigs in the hall afterwards. They were all smiles, shaking my hand, and wishing me good luck on my dissertation defense, which brings me to my next good news.

2. My defense is on: officially scheduled for this Friday, 9/24 from 2:30-4:30. I was on the edge of my seat all last week waiting for the date to fall through, when I finally got an email from my advisor saying that my committee seems generally pleased with my draft and it is all systems go for Friday! Oh my. The title of his email with that message was "so you can get some sleep." He must have known I was nearly exhausted from the anxiety of not knowing. So now I have that, and I am trying to stay calm about it and get ready for it at the same time. TMH and I are leaving here late Thursday night. He will work from there on Friday and go schmooze it up with his old friends and colleagues, and then I'll have my defense, and then we'll celebrate our anniversary. It's hard to believe we've been married for a year! And what a year it's been, honestly. Life is good. But that brings me to the dark shadow that is getting cast over this amazing time, the bad news.

3. My mother has Parkinson's disease. She was diagnosed last week. Now that I know what it is, it makes perfect sense. I have been doing research on it and she sounds like the textbook case. She does not have the tell-tale tremor, though. She has the slow reflexes and rigid muscles, and she is developing the shuffling gait and the stony face as well. I knew something was wrong and in a way it is a relief to know what it is (I'm not crazy, and she's not just old) and to have some explanation for the changes I have noticed in her. I am guessing she has had it for at least a year. It is probably why she fell and broke her hip over the holidays. When people at the wedding asked if she had had a stroke that's what they were noticing. Now we know. I think she has known and has been in denial about it for quite some time. Have I been in denial, too? I feel guilty but then I wonder what I was supposed to do. I told her so many times to go to the doctor- is it my fault that she only went last week? Of course we all want to pretend she is fine. When I talk to her about it, she goes back and forth between claiming she knew and being surprised that so many people had noticed the changes in her. I don't know. It doesn't really matter; we can't go back now. My hope is that she can manage the disease now, and take steps to get into a better place. But I also know that it won't be easy. She should not be living alone anymore in our big house. Well, I have been trying to work on that for years. She is nothing if not stubborn. I can't MAKE her do anything. So for now I am kind of stuck, waiting to see if she will take the medication (she didn't want to take it at first, but last time I talked to her she said she realized she has to), waiting to see how she handles it, waiting to see if she and her man can make some plans, or at least the groundwork for some plans to get into a different living situation. It's super scary and sad, and I am trying not to spend all my time stressing about this because I know it doesn't help. Ironically, the day I found out the news I got an email job posting for someone to do what I do now at our local university. Hmm. Do I need to uproot now and move down there? Is that what's best? I really don't want to do that, and I am sure TMH doesn't want to either. Is it premature? You have to appreciate the timing, in any case. At least where we are now I can get there quickly. But the questions I have running around in my mind! The day after she got the diagnosis she had a minor car accident, but an old lady with Parkinson's (read- slow reflexes) car accident. I had been waiting for something like this to happen before I knew she had this disease; I realize it could have happened anytime. She hit a brick wall in a parking lot because she was in drive instead of reverse. OH NO. What a bad week for my mom. That set off another slew of concerns. If she can't drive anymore she really can't live in her current situation for much longer. But maybe she'll start taking the medication and be OK again for while. But what if she's started a quick downward spiral? You can see where I have been freaked out by all this! I tried to go down to visit her over the weekend but she wouldn't hear of it. She told me to stay here and get ready for my defense, and that there was nothing I could do for her at home right now. I think she was right. It would have been too much, too soon, and too emotional. I need to pass my defense, for her as much as for myself. I am planning to go down in a couple of weeks. Hopefully by then the way forward will seem a little clearer. I am really trying to keep perspective on all of this. Really. Needless to say it's tough to do.

So there you have it, my three things. Two good, one bad. That's life. And on that note, I better get back to the start of my very big week.