Follow-up

So I talked to my girl L about my “revelation” today. She and I taught together for three summers, and kind of share the same view of the world, but we have VERY different backgrounds. She grew up here and her parents are Italian immigrants, and she has a huge network of people surrounding her, with all its benefits and drawbacks. Her suburb is considered pretty ghetto, but she likes it. She was funny. She got really agitated. Our conversation went something like this:

L: (very sarcastically) So, what are you going to do with this revelation?
PMP: Well, I am just going to try to be more open-minded and less judgy when I meet people.
L: That’s impossible.
PMP: Really?
L: Yes, because you are right about everything. You think like me, and we are right.
PMP: Um, OK. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to be more open-minded.
L: No, right, no, but we are right. X suburb is a snotty suburb. And Y people are obnoxious.

Point taken. I tried to explain to her that we didn’t have that much information with which to judge our notions, and she wasn’t having it at all. I understand. She grew up here, and is marked by being from a ghetto suburb, no less. In that sense she does have more information than me (and her expertise on this area does help inform my black/white/gray ideas about the suburbs; there are plenty of areas around here where TMH and I could be quite happy). But it’s a good point. We have instincts and we have to trust them. I am all for it. But I still argue there’s no harm in trying to be open-minded, or at least making sure your biases are well-informed. Sheesh.

She admitted that she didn’t know much about business (she has the same degrees that I do) but at least she knew it existed (she gets mad that most people don’t even consider our field). She went off on a tangent about people not knowing enough about the world, which is the same tangent I went off on earlier, but it was on the other side. We were pussyfooting around the really complicated issue of class. Not that these other issues aren’t tough, but class makes people really uncomfortable. She was complaining about the “working class” people she works with who never read and who don’t care about anything outside of their little worlds. Then she was complaining about the same people I was complaining about-- the ones we perceive as rich with no values. However, she kind of has ADD, so in the next breath she was talking about the Coach bag she wanted. (I previously had a bit of a fit when she wanted me to shop at Coach with her. I have no problem digging for Coach second hand, or at Marshalls, but somehow the store itself offends me. I just couldn’t handle it. What can I say? It was mainly because she doesn’t have money for that, and I try to help her and her shopaholic tendencies, but I really don’t think anyone needs a $200 bag, ever. She just wanted to go and look at them and then try to get a deal elsewhere. Whatever, I still didn’t approve.) I was pushing her on WHY she wanted the bag- isn’t it, in the end, all about status, and wouldn’t she perhaps be happy to have enough money to purchase said Coach bag full price, and wasn’t all of this a big contradiction? (I mean, how can she judge rich people with no values and want to spend $200 on a bag at the same time? She laughed then; I really enjoy that we can have heated discussions and laugh about them, as that doesn’t happen with many people.) So, yes, she agreed- indeed it is a contradiction, though she maintains it’s more about quality than status. Perhaps. Money makes the world go round, they say. We ended by agreeing that no matter how much money we had, we’d never pay full price. And people from X suburb ARE annoying. Sigh.